Chapter 10
Lucy wasn't sure how long she had been sitting in her car. It was probably ten minutes, if that, but it didn't feel that long. Her mind was racing all over the place and she wasn't sure how to quiet it.
Seeing Ryan again made her feel things she hadn't felt since he drove away from the cottage in June. But it also reminded her just how young he was. Did his shirtless body distract her from the fact that he was only twenty-one? That when he put on a suit, it looked like he was playing dress-up? Except even that wasn't totally true, and she knew it. She knew she was just making excuses.
She was also trying to explain away his behavior tonight. Hearing him talk about reading books made him sound a bit more humble than when she had given him those novels a few months ago, and listening to him talk about them made him more appealing to her.
It didn't help that Andy and Sydney were sitting across the table from them judging him. They were his friends, sure, and most times the teasing they did to Ryan didn't bother her. Hell, there were many times when Ryan joined in with his own self-deprecating humor. He was in on the joke and that's what made it fun. But there was something that made him on edge tonight. Something that made him a little more hesitant to go along with the usual jokes at his expense, especially the ones about his age and his reading.
So what was different about tonight? It was Lucy.
Sure, that sounded conceited, like she was a big deal when she was really only a lawyer who was lusting after a professional hockey player. There were plenty of women who lusted after players on the Detroit Pirates. She was hardly the first or the only. But there was something about the way Ryan treated her tonight. It was respectful but also reserved, like maybe he was nervous about the whole night too.
Because if she was being honest, Lucy was nervous about seeing him again and having dinner with him while sitting next to Andy and Sydney. There was a tension there, a nervous energy that they both were hiding, or at least that she was hiding. She couldn't tell from Ryan's reaction to her if he felt it too. She hoped he did. She hoped he wanted to be with her again as much as she wanted to be with him.
But he didn't give her that vibe tonight. Instead, he was almost too reserved, as if he really didn't care that he was seeing her again after their time up north. Or maybe he cared too much. Was he as on edge as she was about dinner tonight? Did she even want to know the answer to that?
She did. She really honestly did. But there was only one way to find the answer. Lucy was scared to find out, but she still wanted to know. It was like being called into a courtroom knowing that there was a verdict but not knowing if she wanted to hear it. Not all cases were as cleanly shut down as John Martin's case would be tomorrow when he was finally sentenced.
Not all relationships were as cleanly decided either. Being with Ryan would be a mess. Lucy would have to explain herself to Sydney. She would question and doubt herself wondering why she got involved with a hockey player. She would have to answer questions from anyone who wanted to know why she was dating a twenty-one-year-old kid.
But Ryan wasn't a kid. He was a man. A man who had his way with her quite a few times, and she enjoyed every minute.
So why the hell was she still sitting in her stupid car doubting herself or questioning all of this or over analyzing everything? Why couldn't she just have a fun night again with Ryan? Or even more than one fun night with him?
Lucy was a grown woman who deserved to have a good time with an amazing specimen of a man. At least that's the excuse she would use to justify what she did next. Because she was tired of trying to figure this out or thinking about what other people would say. She could only think about the way Ryan quietly described reading books this summer and about the body he was hiding under those well-tailored pants he wore to dinner tonight.
So she climbed out of her car, which was parked in Sydney's spare parking spot, locked the door, and marched over to the elevator. The ride seemed longer than what she remembered it to be, and it didn't help that time seemed to stand still as the elevator doors opened on Ryan's floor. It also didn't help that she realized she was hiding by the side of the elevator, trying to see if anyone was in the hallway. She quietly stepped out and walked towards his door, almost holding her breath as she slipped by Sydney's apartment. She was sure Sydney and Andy were occupied in there, sure they wouldn't be ducking out of her front door to see who was outside. But Lucy still felt like she was sneaking around behind their backs.
Then she got to Ryan's door and stood there. She had over thought about coming up here but standing there, she had no idea what to do next. Her shoes were hurting her feet so she took them off, hooking her finger on the straps of the heels to let them dangle from her hand. But now what?
Best to just take a leap, she thought.
Lucy knocked on the door but not hard, just enough that Ryan would hear her and open the door. Maybe. She could hear him on the other side of the door, walking over to answer it, but then it stopped. It was as if he was standing there trying to decide whether he would open it or not.
Then he did.
She could tell he had a fake smile plastered on his face as if he was waiting for whoever was on the other side. But the smile slid off his face, replaced with shock. She realized he wasn't expecting her to be there when he opened it. She hadn't really expected to be there either, but there was no turning back now.
"Hi," she said quietly. "Can I come in?"
Ryan stared at her for a moment before finally moving out of the way to let her in, the door quietly latching behind her.
She had been in Ryan's apartment before, but for some reason, it just looked different now. It was still the same bachelor pad with black leather couches and one of the biggest televisions she had ever seen. He had a dining room table and she had eaten pizza there before with friends when she was here for a get together he had last year. The counter was still a black and white granite that matched the counter in Sydney's apartment. But it seemed like it wasn't the same counter. It was an expansive piece of stone she could have sex on, which was something that had never crossed her mind until now.
"Did you need something?"
She turned to find Ryan staring at her and was finally able to take him in as well. He had tossed off his tie and loosened the buttons on his shirt. His hair looked a little more disheveled than when she had said goodbye to him in the lobby. He looked raw and not as polished and sharp as he had been for dinner. It reminded her of the morning he answered the door wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. Sure, he looked gorgeous either way, but there was something about him when he wasn't trying hard and was just being himself that seemed so appealing to her. It was also really distracting because he was staring at her with a look of anticipation on his face.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" she asked.
"I was just wondering why you were here," he said quietly.
"Right, well, I—"
"Listen, before you say anything, I wanted to tell you…" Ryan's voice trailed off and he ran his hand nervously through his hair. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry if things were awkward or weird at dinner tonight. I didn't know how you wanted to play it after this summer."
"You don't have to apologize. It was fine."
