Chapter 17
Lucy stepped out of the elevator and started walking towards Ryan's apartment. She didn't like this. Hell, she wasn't even sure this was what she wanted to do. But the past week wasn't good. Each day kept pushing her closer and closer to her decision.
She and Ryan had an expiration date, and that expiration date was today.
It sucked.
It wasn't totally fair to Ryan — or to both of them really. But Lucy had to be honest with herself. This just wasn't going to work out.
There were days when it was good to be a lawyer. She helped only a little on the class action lawsuit she was celebrating on Friday. The cash hit her bank account on Monday morning and made her very happy.
There were also days when it wasn't good. It wasn't good to be over-analyzing any situation because that's what she had been trained to do. Like watching the guy she was sleeping with dance offbeat to music at his birthday party. Or debate some sports thing about defensemen. Or drink a cocktail out of the little stir straw it came with. She saw him do that at least a dozen times on Saturday night at his party, which was why she had to drag his sorry drunk ass home.
He wasn't a sloppy drunk per se, but he was definitely into fun drunk territory. That could've worked to her advantage. Sometimes, young guys needed something to make them a little less sensitive in the bedroom. Not that Ryan needed that exactly. He was one of the best lays she ever had, which is why it would be hard to tell him this had to end.
There had been no reason for her to start questioning whatever they were defining their relationship as until Friday night at the dinner with the lawyers when it became obvious that he wouldn't fit in that world. And on Saturday night, he had an awesome party and she had a great time talking to his friends. But then there was the coming back to Ryan's place. She had definitely planned to sleep with him that night and even made sure to wear the black lace panties he enjoyed so much. After all, it was his birthday and shouldn't they both get some kind of present for that? But she left him for five minutes while she was in the kitchen getting some water and came back to see him passed out in his bed.
Lucy stared at him for awhile, his hair disheveled, his pants unzipped just the right amount to make it interesting without being gratuitous. He was damn attractive, even when he was passed out drunk and snoring loudly. She thought about waking him up and getting what she wanted from him, but he was asleep and drunk and there was no way she could morally do that.
He was also cute and drunk and going to be in pain. So instead, she left the glass of water on the table next to him. Then she went into his bathroom and started rummaging in his cabinets. Of course, she didn't find anything more scandalous than a box full of condoms and drawer of brand new toothbrushes. She also found what she was looking for: a bottle of aspirin. She opened it, figuring he wouldn't be in a good state to do that himself in the morning, and dumped two of them into her hands. She walked back, put them on his nightstand next to the glass of water, and left.
That was four days ago. They had exchanged some texts here or there — she was busy starting on a new case and he was getting deep into training camp. It was understandable that their texts weren't as frequent as they had been when he first got back to Detroit.
But Lucy also took it as a sign. This was fun and nice, but it wasn't serious. The sooner that she admitted it to herself, the sooner they could move on. They could be friends. Hell, they would have to considering they were both friends with Sydney and Andy and hung out with the couple all the time. It would be awkward if they couldn't at least maintain that.
She hadn't really talked to him the past few days, trying to avoid texting him about more than superficial things. Just that she was busy or that she was still at work. She got texts back from him saying something similar.
Coach is pushing us hard and it isn't even the actual official season yet,Ryan lamented.
Every once in awhile, she would find herself scrolling up to the very top of their message thread on her phone, to the photo he sent her this summer of him half-naked with that pile of books on his dresser. She would look at that photo, remember that time with him and the person he was then, and think maybe she was making the wrong decision. Maybe he wasn't as immature as she thought he was. Maybe the real him was the guy on her deck, staring out at Harbor Lake as he drank his coffee in the morning with a thoughtful expression on his face.
Maybe that's really who Ryan McCloud was and she was just trying to find an excuse to not be with him. Was it that she couldn't take him to lawyer dinners or date someone who drank a cocktail through the little stir straw? Is this why she was bailing on the whole thing?
Sure, that may be a part of it, but that really wasn't all of it. Those were little things that could make her rethink all of this. But the facts were laid out in front of them. They truth was there. She was too old for him. He needed to be with someone with his own maturity level, and she needed to be with someone her own maturity level too. Sure, lawyers weren't her type, but they didn't drink out of cocktail straws. And yes, she knew that sounded like a superficial reason, but it was just another example of his lack of maturity that was bothering her.
There was no turning back now. She was walking down the hall past her friend's condo, carrying Chinese take-out in her hand so she could break up with a guy that she wasn't even really sure was her boyfriend and therefore wasn't even sure if she needed to break up with him. What would even be the correct term for all of this? Whatever it was, it was going to suck.
She stared at Ryan's door for a moment, took a deep breath and knocked. She could hear him padding his way over to the door before flinging it open, a huge smile on his face.
"Ms. Evans? What a surprise," he said in a teasing tone. "And is that Chinese food?"
Lucy couldn't help but smile at him even though she knew she shouldn't give him that kind of hope. "You look more excited about the Chinese food than about me."
"Doubtful."
He moved out of the way and let her in, closing the door before coming up behind her and pressing his lips on her neck. She flinched a bit but quickly hid it and gently took a step away from him. He didn't seem to notice the brush off.
"You need a plate?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen. "Fork?"
"No, I got chopsticks so we can just eat out of the containers."
His face scrunched up. "I haven't figured out how to use chopsticks to eat fried rice, or really how to use chopsticks at all."
Lucy walked over to the couch and put the bag on his coffee table. Was it bothering her that he didn't know how to use chopsticks? Was the fact that he didn't use them mean he was immature or was Lucy just trying to find another excuse to walk away?
She pushed the thought out of her head, deciding that she would at least try to enjoy this dinner with Ryan. There wouldn't be another one like this, and she could admit that she was going to miss it. There was something about the ease of eating Chinese food and just talking. Ryan wasn't deep and philosophical when he ate. He just shoveled in as much food as his hockey-playing body needed and kept things light. And tonight, that worked. It was just normal casual dinner chit chat. He asked her how her day was and how the new case was going. He told her about the work out the coach gave them that day.
"I worked my hockey ass off today," he told her. "But my glutes are spectacular. You'll be happy about that."
