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“So where do you think Marissa is?”
I shrugged. I didn’t even want to think about her.
Her voice dropped as she asked, “Do you think she’s trying to get together with Cord again?”
I dropped the eyeliner and turned, suddenly breathless. Marissa and Cord. That meant she was around Jesse, whom I hadn’t heard from all day. I gulped. But then I stopped again. He wasn’t my boyfriend. He wasn’t my anything. He was my brother’s best friend, my dead brother’s best friend. I tried to convince myself that’s all we were, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t lie to myself. It hurt that he hadn’t texted me all day, but I also knew I was being unreasonable. He was in Vegas for his team, for their game. Not for me.
“I don’t know, but I can see her trying something again with him.”
“Whatever happened with them? I thought the two of them were perfect for each other.” Angie giggled again as she went to the room and reappeared with a full glass. She sipped the wine, wiggling her eyebrows at me. “What? We’re in Vegas. Aren’t we supposed to drink?”
“Where’s mine?”
Delight flashed over her face before she disappeared for a second. Then she came back with my own glass filled to the brim.
“Cheers, Alex.” She lifted her wine in the air. “Here’s to us, to having a great time no matter what drama happens, and to our friendship.”
“To us.” My glass clinked with hers, “And to having a motherfucking great time.”
More giggles burst from her, but we drank half our glasses.
Then she grew silent for a second.
My glass went to the counter. I knew what this was; this was the pre-air of silence. This was when she was thoughtful as a sudden idea came to her. The next stage was her pursed lips, which I saw just happened. Then she would frown and glance at me; she did both again. Then she’d bite her lip. Yep, once again I was right on cue. The last step was when she’d take a deep breath, readying herself for whatever she was going to say. And, dread filled me when I saw her take that deep breath. It was deeper than normal…and we had blast off.
“So if Marissa hooks up with Cord again, then she and Eric are done.” Angie’s eyes were filled with concern. “What are you going to do if he wants to date you again? Because I know he hasn’t stopped liking you. He just went with Marissa because she was giving him all the signs and well, you know why.”
If Marissa liked a guy, she chased him down.
My shoulder went up and I took my own deep breath of air.
“What are you going to do, Alex?” She edged closer, dropping her voice to a whisper. “Would you date him? I mean, I know you have this thing with Jesse, but come on. He’s not going to date you, not for real. You know that.”
I jerked away.
“You’re better off with Eric. I think you should make a move on him tonight.”
“He’s still dating Marissa,” I hissed at her.
She was the nonchalant one now. “We both know that’s going to end tonight. It’s just a question of who Marissa’s with now. I bet you money that she already tried to throw herself at Cord. I don’t know what happened, but I know he walked away from her. I’m right, aren’t I?”
Her eyes were steadily on mine in the mirror.
“I know you know.” She said it so faint, I might’ve imagined it. But I hadn’t. Pain flared in her depths and then she looked away. “It’s okay, you know. You kept that a secret for her. You’re a good friend to her.”
Oh boy. “Angie.”
“It’s fine. It really is.” She grabbed her glass and drank the rest of the wine. Then she cleared her throat, looking anywhere but at me. “She’s a horrible friend to you and you’re a great one back to her. And me, I’m a great friend to you and all you do is keep secrets from me. It hurts, Alex, but it’s fine. I should expect this, you know.”
I heard the change in her tone and stiffened. A different sense of dread took root in me now.
“It was always the two of you before. You were both the party girls. Cute, little. All the guys loved you two, especially when you were drinking, but then Ethan died and you became a ghost of what you were. Marissa stepped back, you know, and me…” She gulped with tears in her eyes, “I was there for you. I have been there for you. I’ve tried, Alex. I really have, but you two still have each other’s backs. I don’t get it. I really don’t.”
“Angie.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get it.”
“Angie.” She was about to leave the bathroom again, but I grabbed her arm. I stopped her. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” Her eyes seared me. The hurt was so much, too much, in her. “I really want to understand. Maybe then it won’t hurt so goddamn much.” Her voice had dropped to a hoarse whisper at the end.
I flinched. I hadn’t realized I’d been hurting her, but then I took a deep breath. “You have loving parents.”
“So? That means I can’t be in your little club because my parents love me?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that you might not understand because your parents love you. You have a boyfriend who loves you. You don’t get the other side, of when parents don’t love you or don’t treat you how you should be treated. Your parents protect you. They care about you, look over you. Mine stopped a long time ago.” I swallowed more pain away and confessed, “They stopped even before Ethan died.” It was why I had been partying so much.
“So what? I don’t get it.”
“I don’t cover for Marissa because I know all her secrets, but because I can guess at some of them. I have no idea what’s happened to her, but something did. She wouldn’t go through guys like she does if she had parents like yours.”
“Pat and Lorna are not like that. They’re good parents. They love her. They’re best friends with mine—”
“I know.” I gentled my tone. “They’re your parents’ best friends, but not all households are like yours. And I’m not even saying it has to do with them. I’m saying that something happened to Marissa. She hasn’t been the same Marissa since eighth grade. She changed that year, remember?”
Her eyes hollowed out and I knew she was remembering that year.
“She didn’t come to school the same.”
Angie nodded, biting her lip. “I know. She was so different.”
“But remember at the beginning? She was quiet all the time, not the normal Marissa. Then suddenly she started hanging out with the older group?”
“She started dating Chad Lowerster.” Her nose wrinkled up. “He was so gross.”
“Gross to us, but hot to her. He was a junior. Marissa was in eighth grade.”
She rolled her eyes. “I never understood why she was dating him. It was obvious he only wanted one thing.”
I remembered how excited she’d been and how disgusted Angie had been. I sobered at the memory. It’d been the first sign that something was wrong. The Marissa before would’ve been revolted at the idea of dating someone like Chad Lowerster, but then she started openly chasing guys like him. I started to say something about how we needed to be better friends to her, but my phone’s alert went off. A tingle raced through me. It was from Jesse; I knew it before looking.
Angie mused as she inspected her teeth now in the mirror, “You think we should say something to her about that?”
The phone needed to wait a minute. “About what?”
She lifted an easy shoulder. “I don’t know, maybe about how s
he jumps from guy to guy? She was all about saying something to you, but bailed when you came into the room. You think she wants us to say something to her?”
Had I wanted them to say something? That wasn’t the real question. Had I wanted someone to find out about my family? They still didn’t know the extent of it, Jesse didn’t either. So I shook my head. “I have no idea. I really don’t.”
“Hmmm.” Then she dropped her hands and turned with a bright smile. “Okay, no more dramatics. You ready to have some fun tonight?”
