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“What?” I rolled my eyes. “You guys want coffee?”
“No.” Angie snorted. “We’re just at the coffee hut to smell the merchandise, not actually to buy it.”
Marissa grinned and tightened her hold on the bags in her hands.
“Where’d you guys go?” I tried to count the bags, but there were too many. I wasn’t surprised. Marissa was the shopper in the group.
She shrugged and flipped her black hair over her shoulder. “Just some stores. I got a sexy outfit for school. You need to go with me next week. I’ve seen your wardrobe. You need something sexy for the first day.”
Angie narrowed her eyes. “Where were you last night? Justin had people over, but neither of us could get a hold of you all night.”
Ben sucked in his breath beside me. He started to hum from his excitement.
I shrugged. “I stayed home. I didn’t feel like going out.”
“But you couldn’t tell me that? I texted you a million times.”
Marissa arched her eyebrows and looked at Angie in surprise. She bit her lip as a frown formed.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been out of sorts.”
“You’ve been out of sorts for a long time,” Angie snapped and crossed her arms. “What’s going on with you?”
“Hey—” Marissa opened her mouth.
“I don’t need a friend intervention. I’m fine. I’ve just been sad lately. Get off my back,” I snapped back.
“You took off with Jesse yesterday.”
“You did?!” Ben’s breathing picked up. He whispered underneath his breath, “That is awesome.”
“You did?” Marissa’s tone chilled and she moved back a step. Her arms formed over her chest as she mirrored Angie’s pose. “I thought the two of you were nothing to each other. When did this change?”
I felt caught in their sights. And something told me they both knew more than they were sharing. So, I sighed in surrender and asked, “What have you heard?”
Both girls frowned and glared at me, but Marissa was colder than Angie. Her shoulders squared back and she raised her chin. “Just that Casey Wright said you were in Jesse’s bed last night. She left the party with him, but came back an hour later majorly pissed off. And the things she was saying about you…if I wasn’t so pissed that you lied to us the whole night, I would’ve taken her out.”
I froze as I heard her words.
They both knew I lied.
This was not good.
Then I looked at Angie. Her eyes had softened, but I saw the hurt in them. “I’m sorry for lying.”
She softened even more. Her arms fell back down to her side. “It’s—whatever. I guess. So what’s going on with you two?”
Marissa looked away.
I wasn’t going to win with either of them, but they deserved the truth. I only hoped that I wouldn’t lose Marissa’s friendship because of it. “I thought you supported the idea of Jesse and me.”
“I did, but you’d been distant and even quieter since graduation two months ago.” Her hands lifted in the air. “What do you want from me? You’ve been off since Ethan died and you were finally becoming a little more normal until that night. Since you left with Jesse that night—”
“Wait. How do you know that?”
“I saw you.” Marissa sounded hurt too. “You never responded to my text, so I came out to make sure you were okay. I saw the two of you and he got in your car. It doesn’t take a genius, Alex. I knew what you did. And you never came to Barnies the next day for breakfast.”
“And you’ve been so distant from us since then. We can’t even depend on you to hang out with us. I mean, Justin had a party last night and you wouldn’t respond to our text messages.”
Ben harrumphed beside me. “She didn’t text me back either.”
I swung around. “You texted me?”
He shrugged and edged to the side. “I would’ve. I thought about it.”
I continued to stare at him.
He looked away and busied himself with a customer that had approached on the side. “Hi! How can I help you?”
I turned back to my friends. “I’m sorry. I am. I, just, I don’t know what to say.”
“So are you guys together or what? Casey said she got booted out by him. He took one look at you and practically threw her out of his home. Granted, I loved hearing that she got booted on her ass, but…” Marissa trailed off and shared another dark look with Angie. She took a breath, as if to ready herself. “But what’s going on? Are you guys dating?”
I looked away. What could I say? No, we weren’t. My friends would lecture me on how I needed to be a strong woman. I couldn’t give up the jewels for nothing, but they didn’t know what it was like. I could escape with him, only him. It wouldn’t be the same with anyone else. I would feel empty. I did feel empty with everyone else, even spending time with people.
Jesse understood.
Then I lifted my shoulders in a helpless shrug. “I don’t know what to say. Jesse loved him, too.”
“Oh!” Angie’s eyes went wide.
Marissa looked horrified.
“Oh my gawd. I didn’t even think about that.” Angie surged forward. Her hand clamped down on mine where it was on the counter. She squeezed it. “I am so sorry, Alex. We—we didn’t even think about that.” Her shoulders sagged. “I’m a horrible friend. I should’ve thought about that.”
“Yeah, well, don’t worry about it.” My tone was casual, but I couldn’t ignore the guilt in my stomach. It spread throughout me. I looked anywhere but at my friends. I shouldn’t have pulled away and I knew I had. Angie was right. Since graduation night, I had steadily stopped responding to them and hanging out with them.
“Okay, um…” Marissa still bit her lip, but she forced a cheery voice out. “There’s a thing at the baseball fields tonight. It’s like a midnight tournament. Do you want to go?”
I held my breath. Did I?
She added with a whine to her voice, “Jesse will be there. The whole thing’s like a goodbye to him tonight.”
And that was my reminder that he had become the school’s star over the last year. He went from an above average athlete to excelling where no one could touch his records. I forgot how much Jesse had achieved over the last year, but in a sense I understood. He pursued anything that would keep his mind from Ethan. I did the same, but that meant I pulled away from everyone else.
Ben gushed out, “Can I come, too?”
Both Angie and Marissa cracked a smile.
Then Angie questioned, “Alex?”
I already knew I was going. Who was I kidding? I nod
ded my head. I was glutton for punishment and seeing Jesse in his element was definitely going to be a punishment for me.
Ben clapped his hands together. “Oh, goody! I can’t wait. I have the perfect shirt in mind.”
