“I’m not converting.” She was trying to make sense of what I was saying.
As I sat across from her, calm, she was expecting me to be upset with her decision. A decision she wasn’t that confident in.
The waiter sat our drinks down and took our orders before he breezed to the next table. “I’m not trying to change you, Zoya. Only thing I’m trying to change is that last name. I want to love you… show you what I know you deserve, even if you don’t believe the shit yourself. My kids will be raised Muslim. I’m not here to force my religion down your throat. Religion is a journeythat you often take alone, and on the way, you have guidance from those around you. My love doesn’t change because you won’t convert. I only ask that you respect it, like I respect you.”
“Like covering up?”
“Your body, your choice. Just like you keep mentioning that I’m courting you… don’t do no fuck shit to disrespect me. Disrespect is something that I can’t come back from. I gave you one strike with that shit you pulled at the race… don’t do that shit again.”
She stared into my eyes, wanting to challenge me. “And there’s three strikes?”
“There’s one and that was the last one… I’m not no fucking regular nigga. I know what I bring to the table, and you do too. Reason you so fucking scared.”
“I’m not scared.”
I reached across the table and caressed her hands. “You are and ain’t shit wrong with that. I’m here now, you don’t have to pretend with me. I’m your safe space, Baby Cakes.”
She focused her attention our hands. “Until you eventually get tired.”
“Why you assume that?”
“I’m a lot, Gerald… my mind gets to thinking and I fuck shit up. I don’t do it on purpose, or maybe I do. Mark my words, eventually, you will get tired.”
It was like she was speaking from experience. As if this happened, and she had a man tell her that he was tired and called it quits.
“I’m not going anywhere. Only time I’m going is if you tell me to… hear me?” I reached across the table and lifted her chin. “I’m not going anywhere.” I repeated for the second time.
“Okay.”
“You don’t believe me?”
She laughed. “My trust is so fucked up, Goo.”
I kissed her hands. “Baby, when it comes to me… you never have to question shit. I’m a man of my word.”
“Put that on Roxy?”
“Don’t know Roxy, but I put it on them.”
She smiled, as she settled back in her seat, staring out at the lake. “Do you believe we can have everything we want?”
“I do.”
“Are you just saying that or do you really believe it.”
“Got everything I want sitting across from me.” She looked away from me, blushing her ass off. “I got Zoya Caselli blushing?”
“I don’t blush.”
“Yeah... ight.”
Our food came out and Zoya was excited about her meal, dancing in her seat. I lowered my head. “Bismillah.”
Zoya looked over at me. “Bismillah.” she repeated before she touched her food, and I laughed.
“Ms. Not converting… why you copying me?”
“It felt wrong not to do it.”
