“Zoya, I don’t have time for the mind games with you. If you think I hate you, then I’m gonna let you have it, my dear.”
She was quiet for a bit, and I welcomed that shit. Last thing I wanted was to get into an argument because of problems she caused. She was the one who left abruptly, ignored everything I had told her.
Never gave me the chance to reassure her and let her know that I was here and loved her. If she would have stayed, her fears would have been soothed. It was hard to distance myself from someone I had spent all this time wanting and chasing.
“It’s better this way.”
“Okay.”
“Seriously, Gerald. I know you think I’m playing games with you, but I’m saving you. Saving you from getting your heart broken.”
I pulled in front of our building. “I’m a grown man, Zoya. I don’t need you to protect me from shit… this is all on you.” I hopped out and handed the key fob to valet and rounded the truck to open the door for her.
She held my hand as she stepped down out the truck, and wrapped my hoodie around her, as she walked into the lobby while I was behind her. As much as she wanted me to believe she was trying to save me from a broken heart, we both knew that wasn’t the truth.
Zoya thought she would end up the one with the broken heart, so it was better to quit shit before it ended there.
Thought she knew me better but guess that shit didn’t mean nothing to her. Every nigga was the same to her, and she couldn’t trust them. She held every man she dealt with in the same box, and that was the problem.
I shouldn’t have had to pay for the mistakes of men in her past. Not when she never gave me the chance to prove to her that I was nothing like them. Zoya knew I wasn’t like them, which is what scared her. Being happy scared the shit out of her, so pushing me away was her response.
Recommendation: Listen to Get It Together by 702
We walked silently down the hallway to our doors. She turned to let herself into hers and then turned to face me. “What up, Zoya?”
“I’m not tired… want to come in for a late-night snack?”
She held the door open and I walked in and took a seat on the couch. I loved this girl a lot, but even I knew she wasn’t the type that cooked. “Why you fucking around in the kitchen?”
“Fuck you mean? I’m making us pop tarts.” She held up the box of smores pop tarts in the air.
“How the fuck you making something that’s already made?”
“Stop cursing at me, Goo.”
I shook my head and laughed. “Why am I really here? You left Ashbourne and said nothing… why we pussy footing over the elephant in the room?”
“I had to leave… it was too much.”
She leaned on the counter and waited for the microwave to heat the pop tart. “What happened to remind me, Zoy?”
“Couldn’t rely on that… I just needed to leave and I needed air.”
“I’m smothering you? Let me know… if I’m coming on too strong, communicate. I can give space.”
“At times… you want us to be, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I go back and forth. I know that’s not fair to you though.”
“Bullshit.”
“How?”
“’Cause you know exactly what the fuck you want. You too fucking stubborn and hardheaded to allow yourself to be in love.”
When I told her that I loved her, I peeped how she never responded back. It was fine because I wanted her to say it whenever she felt it. If she didn’t feel the same, I wanted Zoya to tell me on her own terms.
“Why do we have to do all the feelings and shit?”
“Elaborate.”
