For six months, I didn’t speak with my family. They couldn’t come visit and I didn’t know how they were holding up. While I was slowly losing my mind, I was still more concerned with them.
When I came home, I was fucked up mentally. You would think after being locked down that being home would mean I could sleep comfortably.
Nah.
I tossed and turned most of the night and stared up at the ceiling. Being in prison mentally fucked with you, and it continued to follow you when you were released. I slept in the spare room in my mom’s apartment with the door closed.
Every morning, I would get up, pray, workout and never leave out the room until I heard her moving around. As if it was a way of signaling that I had permission to leave the room. When I didn’t need permission anymore, I was free to move around the way I wanted.
I was used to doing anything I wanted before prison, and when I came home, that shit changed. For the first couple months, it took a lot to rewire that way of thinking. Even today, that same way of thinking often crept into the front of my mind.
It was crazy because I looked at Cappadonna, who served more time than me, and wondered how the fuck he was able to keep pushing and moving like this was normal?
“I guess I’m confused on how the fuck was he in prison when he’s the actual police.” Don blew out a cloud of smoke and took the ball from Mink and tossed it.
“Questions we all want answers to.”
When Sigel came walking through my cell block, I lost all control and charged at that nigga. Took him by the head and was trying to pull it from his neck. After they tossed me in the hole, it wasn’t like I could see him. Shit, I didn’t see anyone. Only the people who tossed that food tray through that slot.
Even when they put me back with gen pop, I never saw him again. Back then, I assumed that he was moved to another part of the prison. The thought of him being an undercover cop wasn’t even a thought.
“And he can’t be touched?” Don clarified.
He had that same look that his brother had in his eyes. Although he was cooly smoking a black, I could see the danger swirling in his eyes with his thoughts.
“According to Forty, not right now.”
It was killing me that this nigga was running around here banging, while being an undercover cop. Then he had the nerve to possibly be a serial killer. I say possibly because I wasn’t convinced that he was.
Despite that tough ass act he liked to present, his ass wasn’t running around here murdering women. I remember when I grabbed him around the neck in prison, and he fucking squealed. So much was happening at the time, but I heard that shit loud and clear. Then again, I saw the shit that he had stored in that box.
“Having a serial killer as your ex would have you on edge,” he replied calmly, continuing to pull from his black and mild.
I looked at him, not saying a word. Zoya made me promise not to tell her brother. She begged me to allow her to tell him because it needed to come from her, no one else. I granted that to her because if she didn’t do it soon, I was going to tell Menace during our chat.
“She told you?”
“Nah. Hacked into her security system before she moved.”
“Shit creepy, you know that, right?”
Don laughed. “Zoya usually goes through her shit alone. That, I know, and I’ve respected that. She had been off, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. Work has always been stressful, andshe handles that shit with ease. I don’t just drop in on my sisters on some regular shit.”
“Maybe she’s not handling that shit with ease, eh?” I looked at Don, and he nodded his head in agreement.
“I hear it. Always used to her handling shit and never needing someone. Zoy is always straight when I ask.”
“Should have been a red flag right there. Nobody is always good. I could tell from looking at her whenever I see her that she’s not good.”
Don looked over at me. “You agree with her keeping this from Menace?”
“She trusted me enough and felt safe enough to call me. Boobie ain’t the type that willingly calls for help, and she called me. I respect you and Menace, I do, but when it comes to her, I’m running behind her.” Bando came over toward me with the ball, and I tossed it. “You’re about to become a husband and I know there ain’t no limit to what you’ll do for Navy.”
“For sure. Protecting her and her family is all I think about.” he admitted. “Never understood what Menace meant when he said he stays up thinking about ways to keep Stevie safe… I get that shit now.”
“Then you know how I’m running behind your sister. She don’t even gotta say a word, I’m coming. This not some smash and pass bullshit… I’m pursuing her with a purpose. I’m changing that last name from Caselli.”
“I hear you.”
