I leaned forward until I was in her face, our lips nearly gracing each other. “I’m not in the fucking business of chasing somebody that don’t wanna be caught. I ain’t with the games anymore, Zoya. You want your cake and to eat it too, and I don’t even like fucking cake. Figure out what you want or watch me give the love I wanna give yo spoiled ass to someone else.”
Her body was crumbling with me being so close to her. She sucked her breath in, while I removed myself from her, and she stood there with no words. She didn’t need to say anything because she could tell I wasn’t with the fuck games with her. If she wanted this, then she needed to prove that shit to me.
All I had was one move left in me, and if that shit went left, then I wasn’t bringing it back right. I would have to let Zoya go, no matter how much I wanted her.
She was broken, and I understood that. Just because you were understanding of someone’s brokenness, didn’t mean you had to crumble right along with them.
A nigga wasn’t about to be sacrificing my freedom and happiness for a woman that didn’t want the same things that I did.
CHAPTER 11
ZOYA
I should have been goingover my closing statements for my client’s case, or at least shopping for my trip. I had been doing everything else but preparing for this trip, while I threatened everyone else to be prepared. At the very least, I could have been on the couch, binge watching my favorite show with Bando snoring on my lap. Instead, I was walking around this convention center in Manhattan with Navy and Landon. Don pulled around some bag with wheels while Navy walked around like this was her holy grail. Since we had arrived, we had walked nearly every inch of this convention center, and she still wasn’t done.
“I want you to love reading, Zoya. I know you read a ton for work, but this is fun reading… I’m going to buy you, your very first romance book… what do you like to read?”
“Hood shit,” Don snorted behind his fiancée, and I cut my eyes at him.
Navy stood waiting for me to reply, leaning on her fiancé like he was a pole. He kissed the top of her curls, completely content with her using him to lean on.
Navy and Don were the cutest, and the way she loved my brother was all I wanted for him.
Landon deserved that.
I wasn’t in the mood to be around love. Especially since me and Gerald were beefing – again. Just when I thought we would fix things, I told him to shut the fuck up. With the way his eyes bulged out his head and an accent slipped out, I could tell I had gone too far.
That was the thing with me. When I went too far, I couldn’t just stop at that. I wanted my words to cut deep, to hurt. Mainly because I was already hurting and wanted someone else to feel how I felt on the inside.
It was a wicked web that I found myself in. I would say horrible shit to Sigel, and he would give it right back to me. Always saying that I was lonely and it was because of my mouth and weight.
In my opinion, his comebacks were weak.
My weight and mouth had never been a problem. It had never stopped me from getting a nigga, and he knew it just like I did. When it came to the shit I said, I would go low. I was a libra, and we took it to hell, shook hands with the devil, and then dragged you right down there.
I remember I told him about his son’s lazy eye, and how it was karma for fucking with a cock-eyed woman in the first place. Then, I spoke about his mother’s house and how it smelled like projects and moth balls.
Sigel nearly flipped the couch over trying to get to me, and the first thing I did was run into my bedroom and lock the door. The thrill of that man wanting to put his hands on me shouldn’t have been so real, but it was.
“It doesn’t take you that long to think,” Navy said, as she and Don watched me think about the good and toxic times.
Had I known the nigga was a serial killer, I wouldn’t have called his aunt a crooked mouth bitch.
“Bleu, I don’t know,” I sighed. “Surprise me.”
She smirked, putting her finger to her chin and then snapped her fingers. “It’s not romance, but I think poetry might be good for you… this author’s work is not your usual poetry either… it’s witty… like you.” She walked over toward a vendor table and picked up a red hardcover book.
“Poetry, Pooh?” Even Landon was confused by her selection for me. Blair and Capri were forever trading book recommendations in our group chat, but I never paid attention to them.
Mostly because I was too busy to read, and even when I tried to sit down and read, I became anxious. It was like the feeling of sitting still and reading in my head unlocked some other shit inside of me.
“Tears taste like salt… I have this exact edition, and I promise I reach for it every now and then and randomly flip to a page and read a poem.”
“Alright… guess I’m into poetry.” I gave in and allowed her to swipe my brother’s black card with ease.
“Me and Landon listen to audiobooks together now… this can jumpstart your love for reading again.”
I flipped through the book and saw the different poems and illustrations. “I never had a love for reading… just did the shit because I had to,” I muttered, while continuing to check out the book.
