“Not true.”
It was the way he was reading me and had probably studied every inch of me. His observation wasn’t rooted in assumption. He spoke as if he knew everything he was saying to be true and had witnessed it first-hand. Gerald knew the material well.
Almost too well.
He abandoned the counter and walked closer to me. “Very true… I’m here to remind you that you deserve better, and youarebetter. Hear me?”
He softly held my chin in his hand, as he peered down into my eyes. This man’s hands had probably done some of the most gruesome things, and here he was, in my kitchen, being as gentle as a feather.
As he softly touched my face, he gave me a look that I could tell many didn’t get to see. My heart was beating out of my chest so fast as I smelled his cologne. Gerald always smelled like sandalwood and citrus. His aroma was always so soothing to me. I remember when I fell asleep on his chest in Barbados, his scent was stuck in my night gown for weeks. I’d never admit that Islept in that nightgown just so I could feel like he was close to me.
“You done with your sermon?” I tried to remove myself from the counter, but he kept me blocked in with both his hands resting on the countertop.
Gerald didn’t speak; he was just staring at me. It didn’t make me uncomfortable, but it did make me feel seen. It was as if he could read every single thought that was running through my mind.
“Gerald?” I spoke softly.
The only sound that could be heard was the sound of Bando tearing up the dental chew I had given him moments before.
“Boobie?”
“Why did you become quiet?”
He lifted my chin and continued to maintain our eye contact. “You lied to me twice, baby.”
“Huh?”
“I remember a while back when I hopped out that truck in Brooklyn, I told you that you owed me a date?”
I remembered the exact moment that he was referring to. It was the day that brunch had gotten shot up, and he hopped out, giving Capri his gun to handle business. I could still smell the gun smoke in the air, and even with how high stress things were, I was worried about him.
The kind of worried wasn’t the kind a lawyer felt for her client. I was worried like I was his woman or something. The kind of worry that made me want to know when his timbs crossed the threshold. Wanting to be the one waiting for him to return home every night. When he mentioned that I owed him a date, I smiled discreetly, because I wanted that date.
Sadly, it wasn’t the right time for us to have that date. It seemed like our timing for each other was always either delayed or never supposed to happen.
“And the second?”
He softly kissed my cheek, his beard rubbing against my face. “You told me that you wanted a Goon date.”
I laughed. “I remember saying that. In my defense, I didn’t know if you would get blown up or your plane might crash.”
He pulled his head up. “You and Menace just say shit that comes to your mind?”
I shrugged, feeling all giddy when that was the opposite of me. He had me feeling all girly, when in reality, I was a real nigga.
“Sometimes.”
He stood up fully. “We can play these games like we’ve been playing, or we can use this timing… right now, to see where this can go.”
“I’m not ready for a relationship.”
“Yuh a liad,” he said in an accent.
I shoved him. “I don’t even know what that means, but I can tell it’s not nice.”
“You over here lying through your teeth. That last shit wasn’t a relationship… why wouldn’t you want to date your husband, Boobie?”
“Husband? Gerald, we’re not even together.”
