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She touched her neck, and felt the swollen, broken skin. It had been real. He had laughed at how foolish she was.
Kahlan sat up. What was she doing? She had to help stop the Keeper. Shota had said the veil was torn, so had Darken Rahl and Denna. Kahlan had seen a screeling, a creature straight from the underworld. She had spoken with Denna. Denna had taken Richard's place with the Keeper so that he could live to repair the tear in the veil.
Kahlan was supposed to be going to Zedd. She shouldn't be running around playing at soldier.
But if the Imperial Order wasn't stopped...
But if the veil was torn...
She had to get to Aydindril. She had to get to Zedd. These men could fight a war without her. That was their job. She was the Mother Confessor. She shouldn't be running around foolishly risking her life, when the Midlands—
The world of the living—was in danger.
That was what Darken Rahl was laughing at: her foolishness.
She picked up the cup of tea Prindin had made for her and held it in her hands, letting it warm her fingers. She was the leader of the Midlands and had to act like a leader, and tend to the most important things above all else, to the things that she, and only she, could do. She downed the rest of the tea, making a face at the bitter taste.
Kahlan lay down again, holding the teacup on her stomach. The faces of the dead women again floated before her eyes. The weapon which most readily conquers reason is terror and violence; that was what the enemy had done to her—the horror of what they had done had conquered her reason.
That very day, she and her men could have been lost if the scouts had all been killed. Without those guides, they would have been lost, and vincible to the enemy.
That was what she was: a guide. She was a guide to the Midlands. She belonged in Aydindril, guiding the Council, pulling everyone together against the threat. Without that guidance, they would be ignorant, and lost in the fog of what was happening.
She was also Richard's guide, for the help he needed. It was up to her to get Zedd's help. Without that guidance, Richard, and all the living were lost.
She sat up, staring into the candle flame.
No wonder Darken Rahl had been laughing at her. She had been letting the enemy conquer her reason. She had almost been diverted from her duties, and given the Keeper time to work his plans.
She knew now what she had to do. She had done enough to get these men started, had shown them their responsibility, and how to carry it out. Now they had the knowledge they needed to conquer the enemy. What she had done was right, but now they had their jobs, and she had hers.
This army knew what to do, now. She had to get to Aydindril.
Having decided, it felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her, but at the same time she felt infused with purpose. Richard, even though he hasn't with her, had helped her find the truth in all the confusion, and helped her to see her true duty.
She looked in the teacup, but she had drunk the tea, and the cup was empty. Her head felt fuzzy. Her eyes wouldn't stay opened. She was so tired she could no longer sit up.
As she flopped back down, she wondered what Richard was doing, where he was. Probably with the Sisters, learning how to control the gift. She prayed to the good spirits that they would help him realize how much she loved him.
Her arm, suddenly too heavy to hold up, fell to the side, and the cup rolled away.
Sleep was as dreamless as death.
46
She plunged into a void, a wasteland of brutal blackness bereft of all sense of time or awareness of place. She was lost to the world. The dark deprivation was beyond understanding, or comfort.
Drifting in the depths of that void, she felt something. That there was something to feel sparked hope in her, hope of escape from this forsaken nowhere. With that tingling of sense, she snatched desperately at substance, as if clutching a rock in a vast, dark river. Trying to fight back from the suffocating darkness brought sensation to her body.
She floated back, her head throbbing with a dull ache, and numbly she tried to understand what it was that was happening to her. Someone called to her. Mother Confessor, they called. No, that wasn't her name.
It came to her. Kahlan. That was her name. Hands shook her. Someone was calling to her, and shaking her.
She returned from a great distance.
Kahlan's eyes opened, and the world spun. Captain Ryan was gripping her shoulders, shaking her, calling to her.
She drew a deep breath of cold air into her lungs. She twisted her arms away from him, but then had to put her hands back on the ground for support. Concern creased his features.
"Mother Confessor, are you all right?"
"I... I..." She looked about. Tossidin was there, too. She sat up the rest of the way and put her cold fingers to her forehead. "My head... What time is it?"
"It will be light soon." With a look of concern, he glanced back over his shoulder at Tossidin. "We came to wake you, as you told me to. The swordsmen are ready to go."
Kahlan pushed her mantle off. "I'll be ready in a moment, and we can..."
She remembered her decision to get to Aydindril. She had to get to Zedd. She had to get help for Richard. If it were true that the veil was torn...
"Mother Confessor, you don't look well. You've been through a lot, you hadn't slept in days, and you've only just gotten a few hours of sleep. I think you need more."
Yes, she did. Though she could feel that her power was back, she definitely did not feel recovered. She put a hand on his arm.
"Captain, I must leave for Aydindril. I must . .."
He gave her a little smile. "You rest. You're not rested enough to travel. Stay here and rest. When we get back, you will be rested and you can leave."
&nb
sp; She nodded, still clutching his sleeve for support. "Yes. And then, I must leave. I thought about it last night. I must get to Aydindril. I'll rest until you get back, but then I must leave." She looked about. Only Tossidin was there with the Captain. "Where's Chandalen, and Prindin?"
"My brother went to check on their sentries, to make sure that they didn't place any," Tossidin said, "so that our attack will be without warning."
"Chandalen is attacking with the pikemen," Captain Ryan said, "I am to meet him with the swordsmen for the next attack."
Kahlan comforted her sore lip. "Tossidin, tell Chandalen that when your attack is finished, we must leave. You three be careful. You must get me to Aydindril." She could hardly keep her eyes opened. She could hardly bring forth the energy to speak. She knew she wasn't able to travel, yet. "I'll rest until you return."
Captain Ryan sighed with relief that she wasn't going with them, that she would be safe, here. "I'll leave some men to stand guard while you rest."
She gestured with her hand. "This camp is well hidden. I'm safe up here."
He leaned forward insistently. "Ten or twelve men are not going to make any difference to us, and I would be better able to put my mind to our task if I'm not worrying about you all alone back here."
She didn't have the energy to argue. "All right..."
She flopped back down. With a troubled frown, Tossidin pulled the mantle up over her. She was sinking back into the blackness as the two of them crawled out the opening. She tried to keep herself from going into that unfeeling place, but she was helplessly swept away.
The crushing weight of the void closed in around her. She tried to escape its grasp, tried to come back up, but the darkness was too thick, like being encased in mud. She was trapped, still being sucked deeper. She felt surge of panic.
She tried to think, but could not form thoughts into coherent concepts. She had the sense that something was wrong, but could not bring her mind to bear on the solution.
This time, instead of surrendering, she focused all her strength on thoughts of Richard, on her need to help him, and the darkness then was not a total void. She had an inkling of time, sensing its incremental passing. She felt as if she was sleeping her whole lifetime away as she tenaciously kept Richard in her thoughts.
