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She unbuttoned the top five buttons of her dress and then took his hand up again. Richard glanced at the fire, to check the logs, so he would know how long it had been when he opened his eyes again. He could never seem to judge the time while he searched for his Han. It always seemed like mere minutes, but it was usually at least an hour.
Richard closed his eyes. He brought forth the image of the Sword of Truth on a plain background. As the quite settled over him, as he sought the peace within, his breathing slowed. He took a long breath, and then let himself sink into the calm center.
He was aware of Pasha's hands holding his, of her knees touching his, and of her even breathing coming into harmony with his. It felt good to have her holding his hands. He didn't feel isolated the way he had always felt before. He didn't know if it she really was using the magic of his collar to go with him, but he felt himself spiralling deeper than he had before.
He drifted in the timeless place without thinking, without effort or worry. Whatever his Han was, he didn't see or feel anything he hadn't seen or felt before. Other than feeling more relaxed than before, and the comforting feeling of having Pasha with him, it was no different. He was dimly aware of his body starting to feel cramped, and of the warmth from the fire. The cold steel of the sword seemed to be a core of ice in the heat.
At last, he opened his eyes. Pasha opened her eyes with him. Richard glanced to the fire. The logs had been reduced to glowing coals. Two hours, he judged.
A trickle of sweat ran down Pasha's neck. "My, but it's warm tonight."
She unbuttoned buttons. A lot of buttons. More of her was showing than had shown in the green dress. Richard made himself look back up into her soft eyes. Pasha gave him a small, self-assured smile.
"I didn't feel anything," Richard said. "I didn't sense my Han. Although, I don't know what it is I'm supposed to sense."
"I didn't, either, and I should have. Strange." She sighed to herself with a puzzled expression. Her face brightened. "But it takes practice. Did you feel my Han? Was it any help?"
"No," he admitted. "I didn't feel anything."
She made a little quirk with her mouth as she frowned. "You didn't feel anything of me?" He shook his head. "Well, close your eyes and try again."
It was late, and Richard didn't want to practice anymore, it was tiring, but he decided to do as she wished. He closed his eyes. He concentrated on trying to bring back the sword.
Suddenly he felt Pasha's full lips against his. His eyes opened as she pressed against him. Her eyes were closed, her brow wrinkled. She grasped his face with her hands.
Richard gripped her shoulders and pushed her away. She opened her eyes and licked her lips.
She smiled coyly. "Did you feel that?"
"I felt it."
She hooked an arm around his neck. "Apparently, not enough."
Richard gently put a hand against her as she tried to lean in. He didn't want to embarrass her, so he tried to keep his voice pleasant. "Pasha, don't."
She rubbed her free hand around on his stomach. "It's late. No one will be around. If it will make you feel more comfortable, I will shield the door. You shouldn't worry."
"I am not worried. I just... don't want to."
She looked a bit hurt. "You do not think I am pretty enough?"
Richard didn't want to offend her, and he didn't want to make her angry. But he didn't want to encourage her, either.
"It's not that, Pasha. You are very attractive. It's just that..."
She unbuttoned another little button. Richard reached out and took ahold of her hand to stop her. He realized the situation was becoming hazardous. She was his teacher. If he angered, or humiliated her, things could become dangerously complicated. He had things to do, and couldn't afford to turn her antagonistic.
She pulled her dress up her legs and put his hand against her thigh. "You like this better?" she asked in a breathy voice.
Richard froze at the firm, sensual feel of her flesh. He remembered what Sister Verna had said, that he would soon find another pair of pretty legs. These were certainly that, and Pasha was leaving precious little to the imagination. He pulled his hand away. "Pasha, you don't understand. I think you are a beautiful young woman..."
Her eyes fixed on his face as she ran her fingers down his beard. "I think you are the most handsome man I have ever seen."
"No, you don't..."
"I love your beard. Don't ever cut it off. I think a wizard should have a beard."
Richard remembered the time Zedd had used Additive Magic to grow a beard and teach him a lesson, and then had shaved it off, explaining he couldn't make it vanish with magic because that would take Subtractive Magic, and wizards didn't have Subtractive Magic. Subtractive Magic was of the underworld.
He caught her wrist and pulled her hand away from his face. To Richard, his beard was a symbol of his captivity. It meant he was a prisoner. Prisoners don't shave, that was what he had told Sister Verna. But he didn't think now was the time to explain that to Pasha.
She kissed his neck. Somehow, he was unable to stop her. Her lips were so soft, and he could hear her insistent breath close to his ear. It felt as if the kiss went all the way through him, down to his toes, something like the feeling he had had when she had put her hands to his Rada'Han. The tingling numbed his brain. Inside, he groaned. His resistance was being dissolved by her kisses...
When he had been held in a collar by Denna, he had had no choice, not even death could rescue him from whatever Denna wanted, but he still felt shame for what he had done.
He was in a collar again, and Pasha was using some sort of magic on him, but he knew that this time he had a choice in the matter. He forced himself to hunch his head and get her lips from him. He gently pushed her back.
"Pasha, please..."
She straightened a little. "What's her name, this girl you love?"
Richard didn't want to tell her Kahlan's name. It was his life. It was private. These people were his captors, not his friends. "That's not important. That's not the issue."
"What does she have that I don't? Is she prettier that me?"
You are a girl, Richard thought, and she is a woman. But he couldn't say that. You are a pretty candle, he thought, and Kahlan is the sunrise. But he couldn't say that either.
If he spurned Pasha, he would have war on his hands. He had to get out of this without making her feel resentful or rejected.
"Pasha, I am honored, I'm flattered, I really am, but you have only known me a day. We've really just met."
"Richard, the Creator gives us urges, and pleasure from acting on them them, so we will come to know his beauty through his creation. There is nothing wrong with this. It is a beautiful thing."
"H
e also gave us a mind to decide what is right and what is wrong."
Her chin lifted just a little. "Right, and wrong? If she loved you, she would be with you; she wouldn't have let you go. That's what is wrong. She thinks you aren't good enough for her. She must wish to be free of you; if she cared she would have kept you with her. She's gone. I'm here and I care. I would fight to keep you. Did she fight?"
Richard's mouth opened, but no words came through the hurt. He felt as if his will to go on had drained right out of him, leaving nothing but a hollow, dead shell.
Pasha reached out and touched his cheek. "You'll see that I care, Richard. I care more than she does. You'll see. It's right if a person cares as I do." Her brow creased in worry. "Unless you think I'm unattractive. Is that it? You've see many women, and you think that in comparison, I'm ugly?"
Richard cupped a hand to the side of her face. "Pasha... your are ravishing. It's not that." He swallowed the dryness, trying to make his words sound sincere. "Pasha, could you just give me some time? It's simply too soon. Can you understand? Could you really care for a man who would forget his feelings so easily? Could you just give me some time?"
She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head against his chest. "I knew yesterday, when you held me so tenderly, that it was another sign that the Creator had sent you to me. I knew then that I will never want another. Since I'll be yours forever, I can wait. We have almost nothing but time. We have all the time you could possibly want. You'll see that I'm the one for you. You just tell me when you are ready, and I'll be yours."
Richard sighed as he closed the door behind her. He leaned his back against the door, thinking. He didn't like deceiving Pasha, letting her think that with time he could come to feel differently about her, but he had had to do something. How shallow could Pasha's understanding of people be, to think that you could win love by invoking lust?
He took out the lock of Kahlan's hair, spinning it in his fingers as he watched it. And, the things Pasha had said about Kahlan not fighting for him made him angry. Pasha could never know the struggles he and Kahlan had been through; the hardships they had had to overcome, the anguish they had suffered together, the battles they had fought together. Pasha probably couldn't conceive of a woman of Kahlan's intelligence, strength, and courage.
