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"No," she whispered. "But I didn't do it because I wanted to. I had to. It is my job. Who I am. What I am."
"But you did it. And what of Demmin Nass?"
The words cut through her. Her mind flooded with the memory, the sweet memory, of castrating that beast of a man. She sank forward with a wail. "Oh, dear spirits, am I no better than you?"
"We all do what we must, whatever the reasons." Her glowing, diaphanous fingers lifted Kahlan's chin. "I do not tell you these things to hurt you, Kahlan. The telling of them wounds me more than you can know. I tell you because I want to save Richard, so that he doesn't die before his rightful time, and so that the Keeper does not escape."
Kahlan clutched Richard's hand tighter to her breast as she wept. "I'm sorry Denna... but I don't have it in me to forgive you. I know Richard does... but I do not. I hate you."
"I would not expect you to forgive me. I only wish you to understand the truth of what I am telling you, the truth of Richard's madness."
"Why! To what purpose!"
"So that you will understand what you must do. Wearing a collar is the core of that insanity. It symbolizes everything I did to him. In his mind, magic is madness, torture. A collar is madness, torture. Insanity.
"The thought of having a collar around his neck brings that madness out of the darkest corners of his being, brings out his deepest fears. He is not exaggerating when he says he would rather die than put a collar around his neck. He will not do it to save himself. If he doesn't, he will die. There is only one thing in the world that will make him put on the collar."
Kahlan's head snapped up. Her eyes were wide. "You want me to ask him to put a collar around his neck." She went weak with dread. "You would have me do that to him? After what you have told me?"
Denna nodded. "He will do it if you tell him to. He will not do it for any other reason. None."
Richard's limp arm slipped from Kahlan's shaking hands. Her fingers covered her mouth. Denna was right. After what she knew now, what she had heard, she knew Denna was right.
She knew now what it had been that she had seen in Richard's eyes when he looked at the collar the Sisters held out to him. It had been madness. Richard would never put a collar around his neck of his own accord. Never. She knew that now. Really knew it.
A small cry escaped her throat. "If I make him put on the collar, he will think I have betrayed him. In his madness, he will think I want to hurt him." Pain welled up inside her, and she started to cry all over again. "He will hate me."
Denna's voice came in a soft whisper. "I am sorry, Kahlan. That could be the truth of it. We can't know for sure, but he may very well see it that way. I don't know how much the madness will take over when he knows he must put on the collar, when you tell him he must. But he loves you more than life itself, and will put it on for no other reason."
"Denna, I don't know if I could do that to him. Not after what you have told me."
"You must, or he will die. If you love him enough, you must do this. You must be strong enough in your love for him to force him to do it, knowing the pain it will bring him. You may have to act as I would have acted, to frighten him enough to do as you say. You may have to bring the madness to full flower, make him think the way he did when he was with me, when he would have done anything he was told.
"You may lose his love. He may hate you forever. But if you really love him, you will see that you are the only one who can help him; the only one who can save him."
Kahlan snatched desperately for a way out. "But in the morning, we were going to go to Zedd, a wizard, who might be able to help him control the gift. Richard thinks Zedd will know what to do; that he will be able to help him."
"That may be true. I'm sorry, Kahlan, I don't know the answer to that. It may work. But I do know that the Sisters of the Light have the power to save him. If they come, and he turns them down for the third time, he will forever lose the opportunity to get their help. If it turns out that this wizard can't help Richard, then he will die. His time is short, days at most.
"Do you understand what that means, Kahlan? He won't just die; the Keeper will have him, have everyone. Richard is the only one who can close the veil."
"How? Do you know how he can close it?"
"I'm sorry, I don't. I know only that it must be torn the rest of the way from this side. That is why the Keeper has agents on this side. That is why Darken Rahl came here. Somehow, Richard is the only one who can stop them, and also the only one with the power to repair what has been rent.
"If he turns the Sisters down, and this wizard can't help him, then he dies, soon, and it will be as if the mark itself took him to the Keeper. If he can get to this wizard before he turns the Sisters down for the third time, he can learn whether he can be helped without them... without the collar. But if they come before he can get to Zedd, I must have your promise you will do what must be done to save him."
"There is time. The Sisters won't be back for at least a few days. We can get to Zedd first. There is time!"
"I hope you are right, I really do. I'm sure you won't believe me, but I don't want Richard to ever have to wear a collar, to ever face that madness again. But if you can't get to Zedd, then you must promise me you won't allow him to miss the chance at life the Sisters offer."
Tears streamed from Kahlan's burning eyes. Richard would hate her if she made him put on the collar; she knew he would. He would think she had betrayed him.
"But what of the mark? He still has the mark on him"
Denna watched her a long time. Her voice came so softly Kahlan could scarcely hear it. "I will take the mark. I will go to the Keeper in his place." A shimmering tear ran down her cheek. "But I will only do it, I will only give up my soul, if I know it gives him a chance."
Kahlan stared incredulously. "You would do that for him?" she whispered. "Why?"
"Because after all I had done to him, he cared about my pain. He is the only one who ever did anything to stop my pain. When Darken Rahl beat me, he cried, and he made a potion to take away my pain, though I had never once stopped torturing him no matter how much he begged. Not once.
"And after all the things I have told you I did to him, he forgave me. He understood what I had suffered. He took my Agiel to wear around his neck and promised to remember me, to remember that I was more than a Mord-Sith; to remember that I was once just Denna."
Another shimmering tear ran down. "And because I love him. Even in death, I love him. Though I know my love will never be requited, I still love him."
Kahlan looke
d at Richard as he lay on his back, unconscious, helpless, with the Keepers mark, black and bleeding, on his chest. The black and white mud painted everywhere on him made him look wild, savage, but he wasn't; he was the gentlest person she had ever known. She realized then that she would do anything to save him. Anything.
"I will do it," she whispered. "I promise. If we can't find Zedd before the Sisters come back for the third time, I will make him put on the collar, no matter what it takes. Even if it makes him hate me. Even if it kills me."
Denna's hand reached out to her. "An oath then, between the living and the dead, to do what must be done to save him."
Kahlan stared at the hand before her. "I still can't forgive you. I won't forgive you."
The hand stayed where it was, waiting. "The only forgiveness I need has already been granted."
Kahlan stared at the hand, and then reached out and took it. "An oath then, to save the one we love."
They clasped hands, and shared a silent joining.
Denna took away her hand. "Time is short for him. It must be now." Kahlan nodded. "When it is done, get help for him. Though the pull of the mark will be removed, the wound will still be there, and it is a serious one."
Kahlan nodded. "There is a healer here. She will help him."
Denna's eyes were filled with compassion. "Thank you, Kahlan, for loving him enough to help him. May the good spirits be with you both." She gave a small, frightened smile. "Where I am going, I will never see any of them, or I would send them to help you."
Kahlan touched the back of the other's hand, offering a silent prayer for strength.
Denna returned the touch to Kahlan's cheek, and then knelt next to Richard. Her hand went to the mark, covering it, dissolving into it. Richard's chest heaved.
Denna's features twisted in pain. She threw her head back with a piercing scream that shot through Kahlan.
And then she was just gone.
Richard groaned. Kahlan bent over him, caressing him. Crying.
