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Cara laughed. Kahlan couldn’t.
“Raina, it’s late. Why don’t you and Berdine go get some sleep.” Kahlan caught the quick glance to Berdine. “Berdine, just like Lord Rahl, needs to get some rest so that she can work on the journal tomorrow. We all need some rest. Ulic and Egan here will watch over Richard.”
Raina slapped the back of her hand against Ulic’s stomach. “You boys up to it? Can you handle it without me?”
Ulic scowled down at the Mord-Sith. “We are the Lord Rahl’s bodyguards. If anyone tried to get into his room, there wouldn’t be enough left for you to pick your teeth with.”
Raina shrugged. “I guess the boys can handle it. Let’s go, Berdine. It’s about time you got a good night’s sleep for a change.”
Cara stood beside Kahlan as she watched Berdine and Raina stride off down the hall, passing a critical eye over soldiers on patrol.
“You are right about rest. You need to get some sleep, too, Mother Confessor,” Cara said. “You don’t look well.”
“I… I want to check on Richard first. I’ll be able to sleep better if I know he’s all right. I’ll be back out in a minute.” She gave Cara a firm look to discourage any ideas she might have about going in with her. “Why don’t you go get some sleep, too?”
Cara clasped her hands behind her back. “I will wait.”
Richard’s room was dark, but the light coming from the window proved enough to find the bed. Kahlan stood beside him and listened to his even breathing. What if she never saw him again?
She knew how distressed Richard was by recent events. She felt the same pain. How many families were suffering in grief this night? How many more would be suffering the next night, and the night after?
Kahlan sat lightly on the edge of the bed. She slipped an arm under his shoulders and strained to gently lift him. He murmured her name under his breath in his sleep, but didn’t wake as she sat him up a bit and leaned the heavy weight of him against her.
Kahlan reached behind and picked up the glass with the sleeping potion Nadine had made. It was still half full. She held it to his mouth and tipped it, letting the potion slide to his lips. He stirred slightly, and swallowed as she tipped the glass higher.
“Drink, Richard,” she urged in a whisper. She kissed his forehead. “Drink, my love. It will help you sleep.”
She tipped the glass a little more each time he swallowed, forcing him to drink more. When he had taken most of it, she set it behind once more. He murmured her name again.
Kahlan hugged his head, holding his cheek to her breast. She pressed her cheek to the top of his head as a tear rolled over the bridge of her nose and fell into his hair.
“I love you so much, Richard,” she whispered. “No matter what, don’t ever doubt how much I love you.”
He mumbled something she couldn’t understand, except for the word “love.” Kahlan eased him back onto the pillow and slipped her arm out from underneath him. She pulled up his covers.
She kissed her finger, and gently pressed the kiss to his lips, before she left the room.
On the way to her own room, she again told Cara that she should go get some sleep.
“I will not leave you unguarded,” Cara insisted.
“Cara, you need sleep, too.”
Cara glanced over out of the corner of her eye. “I have no intention of letting Lord Rahl down again.” When Kahlan started to protest, Cara spoke over her words. “I will be posting soldiers outside your room, too. I can nap there, and if anything happens I will be at hand. I’ll get enough sleep.”
Kahlan had things to do. She needed Cara out of her hair.
“You saw how Richard was when he didn’t get enough sleep.”
Cara let out a dismissive chuckle. “Mord-Sith are stronger than men. Besides, he was like that because he hadn’t slept for days. I slept last night.”
Kahlan didn’t want to argue. She was frantically trying to think of how to overcome this obstacle in skintight leather. She couldn’t let Cara know what she was doing. Sister of the Agiel or not, Cara would tell Richard; there was no doubt of that.
That was the last thing Kahlan wanted. Under no circumstances did she want Richard knowing what she was going to do. She would have to think of a new plan.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for bed. I’m kind of hungry.”
“You look tired, Mother Confessor. You need sleep, not food. You won’t sleep as well if you eat right before bed. I want you to get a good sleep, like Lord Rahl. You can sleep well knowing that Nadine will not be going near him. I have a good idea of what Raina said to Nadine, and I can assure you that as brazen as that strumpet is, she has enough sense to heed a warning from Raina. You have no cause for fear tonight, so you can sleep well.”
“Cara, what are you afraid of? Besides magic, and rats.”
Cara scowled. “I don’t like rats. I am not afraid of them.”
Kahlan didn’t believe a word of it. She waited until they were out of earshot of a patrol passing in the opposite direction.
“What scares you? What do you fear?”
“Nothing.”
“Cara,” Kahlan admonished, “it’s me, Kahlan, a sister of the Agiel. Everyone is afraid of something.”
“I wish to die in battle, not weak and sick in a bed, at the hands of some unseen foe. I fear Lord Rahl getting the plague, and leaving us without a Master of D’Hara.”
“I’m afraid of that, too,” Kahlan whispered. “I’m afraid of Richard getting the plague, and everyone else I love. You, Berdine, Raina, Ulic, Egan, and everyone I know here at the palace.”
“Lord Rahl will find a way to stop it.”
Kahlan hooked some hair behind her ear. “Are you afraid of not finding a man who will love you?”
Cara flashed Kahlan an incredulous look. “Why would I be afraid of that? I have but to give any man permission to love me, and he would.”
Kahlan let her gaze drift from Cara to the columns at the sides of the room they were passing through. Their boot strikes echoed off the marble floor.
“I love Richard. A Confessor’s magic will destroy a man if she loves him—you know, when they’re… together. Only because Richard is special, has special magic, can he love me in return. I’m terrified of losing him. I want no one but Richard—ever—but even if I wanted, I couldn’t. No other man could express his love for me except Richard. I could never have anyone else.”
Cara’s voice softened in sympathy. “Lord Rahl will find a way to stop the plague.”
They passed from the marble floor onto the quiet of carpets running up the stairs toward Kahlan’s room.
“Cara, I’m terrified of losing Richard to Nadine.”
“Lord Rahl does not care for Nadine. I can see it in his eyes that he has no interest in her. Lord Rahl only has eyes for you.”
Kahlan ran her fingers along the smooth marble railing as she ascended the stairs. “Cara, a witch woman sent Nadine.”
Cara had no answer for that; magic was involved.
When they came at last to the door to her rooms, Kahlan paused. She looked into Cara’s blue eyes.
“Cara, will you make me a promise? As a sister of the Agiel?”
“If I can.”
“With all that’s going on—so much has gone wrong already. Will you promise me that if… if something happens, if I somehow make a mistake, the worst mistake I’ve ever made, and I somehow get things wrong… will you promise me that you won’t let it be her, instead of me, who has Richard?”
“What could happen? Lord Rahl loves you, not that woman.”
&
nbsp; “Anything could happen. The plague—Shota—anything. Please, Cara. I couldn’t bear to think that if anything happened, Nadine would have my place with Richard.” Kahlan clutched Cara’s arm. “Please, I’m begging you. Promise me?”
Cara’s intent blue eyes stared back. Mord-Sith didn’t take oaths lightly. Kahlan knew that she was asking for something of solemn importance; she was asking Cara to swear her life on this, for that was what it meant for a Mord-Sith to give her word.
Cara brought her Agiel up in her fist. She kissed it.
“Nadine will not have your place with Lord Rahl. I swear it.”
Kahlan nodded, words failing her for a moment.
“Get some sleep, Mother Confessor. I will be here, watching your rooms. No one will bother you. You can sleep well, knowing that Nadine will never take your place. You have my oath.”
“Thank you, Cara,” Kahlan whispered in gratitude. “You truly are a sister of the Agiel. If you ever want a favor in return, you have but to name it.”
37
Kahlan was finally able to send away Nancy and her helper, telling them that she was exhausted and wanted only to go to bed. She had to decline an offer of a bath, having her hair brushed, a massage, and food; but she let Nancy help her with her dress so as not to raise the woman’s suspicion.
Kahlan rubbed her bare arms in the chill after she was alone at last. She tested her wound, under the bandage. It was healing well, and hardly hurt her anymore. Drefan had helped it, and she supposed that Nadine’s poultices had been a benefit, too.
Kahlan slipped on a dressing gown and went to the writing desk beside one of the hearths. The heat felt good, but it only warmed one side of her. She pulled paper and pen from a drawer. As she took the silver lid from the ink bottle, she tried to organize her thoughts, and what she would write.
At last, she dipped the pen.
My dearest Richard,
I have something important to do, and I have to do it alone. I am serious about this. Not only because I respect you, but because you are the Seeker, I bow to what you sometimes do that I wish would be otherwise. I understand that I must sometimes allow you to do what you know you must. I am the Mother Confessor; you must understand that I must sometimes do what I must. This is one of those times. Please, if you love me, then you will respect my wishes, not interfere, and leave me to do what I must.
