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Some of the light, the fire was back in his intent gray eyes. “Does this mean that you believe me, Nicci?”
She sadly shook her head. “No, Richard. I think your belief in Kahlan is a result of your injury. I think you dreamed her up.”
“And the grave?”
“The truth?” When he nodded, Nicci took a deep breath. “I think that is the real Mother Confessor, Kahlan Amnell.”
“I see.”
Nicci seized his jaw again and made him look back at her. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m right. I’m basing my belief on other things—things I know. But I don’t think that anything I saw in that coffin, as much as I believe it’s her, really proves it. I’ve been wrong in my life before. You’ve thought I’m wrong all along in this. Are you going to do as someone says who you think is wrong? Why would you do that?”
“But it’s so hard when no one believes me.”
“Sure it is, but so what? That doesn’t make them right and you wrong.”
“But when everyone says you’re wrong it starts to make you have doubts.”
“Yes, sometimes life is really hard. In the past doubts have always made you dig all the harder for the truth, to be sure you were right because knowing the truth can give you the strength to fight on. This time, your shock at seeing a body in the Mother Confessor’s grave when you hadn’t anticipated even the possibility of one being there, coupled with your grandfather’s unexpectedly harsh comments right in that moment of horror, overwhelmed you.
“I can understand how it was the last straw and you couldn’t fight it anymore. Everyone can sometimes reach the limits of their endurance and give up—even you, Richard Rahl. You are mortal and you have your limits just like everyone else does. But you have to deal with that and move on. You’ve had time to temporarily give up, but now you have to take control of your own life again.”
She could see him thinking, considering. It was a thrilling sight to see Richard’s mind back and working. She could still see, though, his hesitation. She didn’t want him to come this far and slip back now.
“People must have not believed you before, in other things,” she said. “Weren’t there ever times when this Kahlan of yours didn’t believe you? A real person would have sometimes disagreed with you, doubted you, argued with you. And when that happened, you must have done as you thought you had to, even though she thought you were wrong, maybe even a little crazy. I mean, come on, Richard, this isn’t the first time I’ve thought you were crazy.”
Richard smiled briefly before thinking it over. Then, a broad grin spread on his face.
“Yes, there certainly were times like that with Kahlan, when she didn’t believe me.”
“And you still did as you believed you had to, didn’t you?”
Richard, still smiling, nodded.
“Then don’t let this incident with your grandfather ruin your life.”
He lifted an arm and let it flop back down. “But it’s just that—”
“You gave up because of what Zedd told you without even using what you got from Shota.”
He looked up sharply, his attention suddenly riveted on her. “What do you mean?”
“In exchange for the Sword of Truth, Shota gave you information to help you find the truth. One of the things she told you was ‘What you seek is long buried.’
“But that’s not all. Cara told Zedd and me everything Shota said. Apparently the most vital thing she gave you, because it was the first and almost all she thought she had to tell you, was the word Chainfire. Right?”
Richard nodded as he listened.
“She then told you that you must find the place of the bones in the Deep Nothing. Shota also told you to beware the viper with four heads.
“What is Chainfire? What is the Deep Nothing? What is the viper with four heads? You paid a dear price for that information, Richard. What have you done with it? You came here and asked Zedd if he knew and he said no, then he told you that he was disappointed in you.
“So what? Are you going to throw away everything you’ve gained in your search just because of that? Because an old man who has no idea what Kahlan means to you or what you’ve been through the last couple of years thinks that you acted foolishly? Do you want to move in here and be his lapdog? Do you want to stop thinking and just depend on him to do your thinking for you?”
“Of course not.”
“At the grave Zedd was angry. He went through things we probably can’t imagine to get the Sword of Truth away from Shota. What would you expect him to say? ‘Oh, yes, that’s a good idea, Richard, just give it back to her; that’s fine.’ He had a lot invested in getting that sword back from her and he thought you made a foolish trade. So what? That’s his view. Maybe he’s even right.
“But you thought it was important enough to sacrifice something he had entrusted to you alone, something very precious to you, in order to gain a higher value. You believed that it was a fair trade. Cara said that at first you even thought Shota might be cheating you, but then you came to believe that she had given you fair value. Did Cara tell it true?”
Richard nodded.
“What did Shota tell you about your bargain?”
Richard gazed up at the soaring towers behind Nicci as he recalled the words. “Shota said, ‘You wanted what I know that can help you find the truth. I have given it to you: Chainfire. Whether or not you realize it right now, I have given you a fair trade. I have given you the answers you needed. You are the Seeker—or at least, you were. You will have to seek the meaning to be found in those answers.’”
“And do you believe her?”
Richard considered a moment, his gazed dropping away. “I do.” When he looked back up into her eyes, the spark of life was again blazing there. “I do believe her.”
“Then you should tell me and Cara and your grandfather that if none of us are going to help you, then we ought to get out of your way and let you do as you must.”
He smiled, if somewhat sadly. “You’re a pretty remarkable woman, Nicci, to convince me to keep fighting even when you don’t believe in what I’m fighting for.” He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.
“I truly wish I could, Richard…for your sake.”
“I know. Thank you, my friend—and I say friend because only a true friend would be more concerned with helping me face reality than what it means for her.” He reached out and, with his hand cupped to her face, used a thumb to wipe a tear from her cheek. “You have done more for me than you know, Nicci. Thank you.”
Nicci felt giddy joy mixed with sinking frustration that they were right back to where they had started.
Still, she wanted to throw her arms around him, but instead she simply cupped both her hands over his on the side of her face.
“Now,” he said, “I think we had better go see about Ann and Nathan, and then I need to find out what part Chainfire plays in all this. Will you help me?”
Nicci smiled as she nodded, too choked up to speak, and then, unable to stop herself, at last threw her arms around him and clutched him tightly to her.
Chapter 51
The look on Ann’s face as she stepped in the big door and saw Nicci entering the anteroom from between two red pillars was priceless. Nicci would have l
aughed aloud had her talk with Richard not so emotionally drained her.
The prophet, Nicci knew, was very old, but he was by no means feeble looking. He was tall and broad-shouldered, with distinguished white hair that hung to his shoulders. He looked like a man who could bend iron, and he wouldn’t even need his gift to do so. It was the raptor gaze of his dark azure eyes, though, that made him at once intimidating and alluring. They were the eyes of a Rahl.
Ann stared, her own eyes wide. “Sister Nicci…”
The Prelate didn’t say “So good to see you again,” or anything cordial. She seemed momentarily unable to think of what to say. Nicci found it just a little remarkable that this squat woman beside the towering prophet had for so long seemed so big in her eyes. Novices and Sisters often went for long periods without even seeing the Prelate around the Palace of the Prophets. Absence, Nicci guessed, added to her mythic stature.
“Prelate. I’m glad to see you well, especially after your unfortunate death and funeral.” Nicci glanced over at Richard as she finished the thought. “I hear that everyone believed you were dead. Amazing how a burial can be so convincing, and yet here you are, alive and well, it would appear.”
Richard’s twitch of a smile told her that he caught her meaning. Zedd, to the side, at the brink of the three steps leading down into the center of the room with the fountain, gave Nicci a curious frown. The meaning hadn’t been lost on him, either.
“Yes, well, that was unfortunately necessary, child.” Ann’s expression darkened. “What with the Sisters of the Dark having infested the ranks of our Sisters of the Light.” She glanced briefly at Richard, Cara, and Zedd, the edge to her countenance softening. “It appears by the company you keep, Sister Nicci, that you have come back into the fold. I can’t tell you how much it pleases me, personally. I can only think that the Creator Himself must have had a hand in saving your soul.”
