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“I mean he was lying there with me, in the bed with me, with his arms around me—you know, protecting me and keeping me warm.” She rubbed her arms as if the memory had brought the chill back. “I was so cold.” Cara stole a quick glance over at Nicci. “I guess that, well, I guess that in my condition, and all, I was kind of holding on to him, too.”
Nicci lifted an eyebrow. “I see.”
“And the thing is, I felt things when he came into me—and if you tell him this I’ll kill you, I swear I will.”
Nicci smiled as she nodded her assurance. “We both care a great deal about him. I assume that what you’re telling me is only because you are concerned for him.”
“That’s right.” She rubbed her arms again as she went on. “When he came to…to pull me back, or whatever it is he did, it was like he was inside me, inside my head, I mean. It was a kind of intimacy unlike any other.
“Lord Rahl healed me once before when I was seriously hurt, but this was different. Parts were the same, some of the feelings were the same, the sincere caring and such that I felt from him, but this was different, somehow—really different. That time he was healing my physical injury.” Cara leaned closer in an effort to try to get her point across. “This time it was more; this time the touch of that evil thing was inside me, like it was poisoning me, poisoning my existence, my will to live.”
She straightened, then, seemingly frustrated and unable to think of how to explain it better.
“I know the difference you’re trying to define,” Nicci offered. “This time it was a more personal connection between the two of you.”
Cara nodded as if relieved that Nicci seemed to understand.
“Yes, that’s right, it was more personal. A lot more personal,” she added under her breath. “It was like my soul was laid bare to him. It was kind of like…well, never mind.”
Cara went silent. Nicci wondered if the woman had said all she had really wanted to say and would decide to stop there, but then she went on.
“The point is that he felt so much of me, of my inner thoughts and all. No one has ever…”
Cara again went silent, but this time in apparent frustration at trying to find the words to explain what she meant.
“I understand, Cara,” Nicci assured her. “I really do. I’ve healed people so I know the sensations you experienced, if not as deeply. I’ve never been able to succeed to the extent that Richard did with you, but I’ve experienced more or less the same kinds of conditions when I heal people, especially when I healed Richard.”
“That’s good to hear—that you know what I’m talking about.” Cara casually kicked a rock as she walked along. “Well, I don’t think Lord Rahl is aware of it, but when we were together like that he didn’t just…experience me, experience my inner feelings and thoughts, so to speak; I experienced him as well.” She growled to herself. “I shouldn’t be saying this.” She waved a hand. “Forget I said anything.”
Nicci wasn’t sure what the woman was getting at. “Cara, if you aren’t comfortable telling me, then don’t. You know how much I care for Richard, but still, if you don’t think you shouldn’t say anything, or that you are stepping out of bounds in your relationship with him, then perhaps you should trust that instinct.”
Cara sighed. “Maybe you’re right.”
Nicci couldn’t ever recall Cara appearing so flustered. If there was one thing enduring about the woman it was her resolute confidence. She was always decisive about precisely what she should do in any given circumstance. Nicci didn’t always think that Cara was right, and she knew that Richard didn’t either, but they could always count on Cara being determined to do the best thing for Richard no matter how it might endanger Cara herself—or anger them. If she felt her actions were necessary to protect him, she simply went ahead, dismissing the consequences to herself, including his disapproval.
As they walked in silence through the dark alleyway, Nicci, with the help of her gift, could hear people in the distance speaking in low voices. She didn’t try to pick out the words; she did no more than note the general nature of the conversation. It was men and women gathered at the stables, some speaking in turn. Nicci could distinguish Richard speaking gently to them, answering questions. She could hear people weeping.
At the corner of the inn where the road to the right lead down a few doors to the stables, Cara abruptly caught Nicci’s arm and brought her to a halt while they were still in the deep shadows.
“Look, you and I, well, we both started out in all this determined to kill Lord Rahl.”
Somewhat taken aback, Nicci didn’t think that this was the time to split hairs. “I guess you’re right.”
“Maybe more than anyone else, you and I have a unique perspective on Lord Rahl. I think that when you start out wanting to do someone harm and they make you see how wrong you’ve been and how your own life means more than that, well, it kind of makes you care all that much more for them.”
“I think I would have to agree with you.”
Cara gestured back the way they had come, toward the grounds of the palace that was now Liberty Square. “Back there, when the revolt started, when Lord Rahl was wounded and near death, people didn’t want to let you try to heal him. T
hey were afraid that you would instead do him harm. I’m the one who told them to trust you. I understood the awakening you had gone through because I had gone through much the same thing. I was the only one who knew what you had come to feel about him. I told them to let you do it. They feared you might use the opportunity to take his life. I knew you wouldn’t. I knew you would save him.”
“You’re right, Cara. We both care deeply for him. We both have a special bond with him.”
“Yes, that’s it. A special bond. Different, I think, than other people.”
Mystified by what Cara could be getting at, Nicci spread her hands. “So you wish to tell me something?”
Cara looked down at her boots as she nodded. “When Lord Rahl and I shared that togetherness, I felt some of his inner emotions. Inside him he has a terrible, burning loneliness. I think that maybe all the business about this woman—this Kahlan—is because of his lonesomeness.”
Nicci took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she wondered at the precise nature of what Cara had sensed in him. “I suppose that may be a part of it.”
Cara cleared her throat. “Nicci, when you hold a man in your arms like that, and you have been…well, together in such a personal way, you come to truly feel what’s inside him.”
Nicci pushed her feelings farther back into the shadows. “I don’t doubt that you’re right, Cara.”
“I mean, I just wanted to hold him forever, to comfort him, to keep him from feeling so alone.”
Nicci stole a sidelong glance at the Mord-Sith. She was twisting her mouth as she studiously watched the ground. Nicci didn’t say anything, waiting instead for Cara to go on.
“But I just don’t think I’m the one to do such a thing for Lord Rahl.”
Nicci cautiously framed her question. “You mean, you don’t think that you’re the woman who can satisfy…his loneliness?”
“I guess not.”
“Benjamin?”
The woman shrugged. “That’s part of it.” She looked up and met Nicci’s gaze. “I love Lord Rahl. I’d give my life for him. And I have to admit that lying there and having him in my arms like that made me feel…feel like maybe I could be more than just his bodyguard and friend. As I lay there in that bed, holding him close to me, I imagined what it would be like to be his…” Her voice trailed off.
