“No. Not with me. I’ve always held the Wolf at bay, and I’ve been thinking more about why and how that has shaped me, and I don’t think I have all the answers. I’m learning to trust myself more, especially since you came back to me and since I’ve been able to access The Plain. I’m feeling more myself. Does that make sense?”
Nix nods but doesn’t interrupt.
“But it’s a lot. I’ll never be able to just give over to the Wolf, or let the magic rule who I am. I’ll always hold back.” Disappointed tears are burning behind his eyes. “I’ll never be able to be all I’m supposed to be. Not like you.”Because it is too fuckingdangerousgoes unsaid, because Grayson couldn’t bear for real fear to replace the sincere empathy shining from his soulmate.
Nix’s eyes go wide, and his jaw drops in surprise for the second time since he got into the shower. “Grayson, that’s…”
“Sad? Terrible? Disappointing? I know. I’m sorry.”
“I was going to say crazy, but I’ll settle for wrong.” He shakes his head but smiles gently. “You are exactly who you are supposed to be, and while I don’t know what it’s like to present so young, or be an enigma, or have to lead the new era of magical Weres into the future, I do know a bit about expectations and feeling like I might be a disappointment. About wielding a power I’m just learning about.”
“What? No. You’re doing so well. You’re perfect.”
Nix laughs, his eyes almost disappearing with his happy squint. “Thank you, but I’m not trying to be perfect because that’s impossible.” He raises an eyebrow, full of implications.
Was Grayson trying for an impossible standard? Has he set the bar so high for himself that he was always destined to fall short? And then moved the bar farther and farther every time he learned something new?
“How can I stop? It’s part of who I am.”
“Who says you have to stop?”
“What? Isn’t this pep talk about being better? Learning to let the Wolf out? About being free so I can be happy?” Grayson asks, as a new surge of frustration makes his words sharper than he’d like.
“I am all for you being happy, Gray. But why does letting it all hang out have to be what makes you happy? Wouldn’t it make sense to be you, and not measure your happiness in terms of what works for Luca or Rowan or me?”
That stops him cold. “What do you mean?”
“Well, seems to me you are happy, aren’t you? Most of the time? Until you let all these expectations make you doubtyourself, you are happy. Since you’ve let your magic feed your soul, you’ve been happier. You control it and not the other way around. Since you’ve given in a bit to being silly and sentimental and living out loud a bit more. You seem lighter.”
He has?
While he’s been paying attention to how the others have changed for the better, he’s missed how he has changed, too. He’s more relaxed when he lets himself—or as much as he’s able—to just be. When he gives himself permission to be less vigilant and to trust himself.
Remember that living a beautiful life is worth the risk. Give yourself permission to be all that you are, because your warrior’s heart is true.
It makes more sense now than it did when he’d first heard the words.
“From what you’ve said before, there will always be a delicate balance between what you want and what you allow yourself. It’s who you are, and maybe that’s not all coping mechanisms on steroids, you know? Maybe it is just you: Grayson Pearce, artist, magic-user, lover, soulmate, Dad. All I want is for you to give yourself permission to be you. Whatever that is.”
Grayson can’t resist any longer. He pulls his soulmate under his arm, clutching him tightly, as if holding Nix closer will somehow make the relief more tangible. The connection between them hums, alive with shared emotion, and the swell of The Plain surges in his chest, vibrant and wild. The promise of freedom flows through him like a rushing tide.
Not the freedom to wreak havoc, to unleash unchecked power, but something infinitely greater. The freedom to fulfill his full potential. To finally, truly, be free.
“Whatever that is?” Grayson chokes out, his voice trembling with love and uncertainty.
Nix doesn’t hesitate; his voice is soft but sure. “Everything.”
The word settles deep in Grayson’s chest, resonating like a bell struck in the quiet.Everything.A promise. A challenge. A truth.
And for the first time, Grayson feels like maybe, just maybe, it’s within his reach.
Luca
If you’d told Luca two days ago that he would be Nix’s first choice to accompany him and Lauren Arnell Costas to meet Winnie and Ansel for a trip to a storage shed filled with pieces of Nix’s old life, he would’ve laughed out loud before bolting to hide.
Because this? This was going to be fucking hard. And while Luca has faced plenty of hard shit, he’s never been the first person people turn to when they need strength.
At least, he hadn’t been in the past. He knows he’s babied more than Rowan, their actual baby, as his mates help him navigate his ultimate nemesis: Anxiety.
