“Yeah.”
They look at each other for a moment, sharing anxiety and anticipation, before Rowan grins his biggest grin and Grayson has an armful of hisbeloved mate.
“I’m scared,” Rowan whispers, uncharacteristically vulnerable, and it’s everything Grayson feels, too.
“He’s so strong,” Grayson reassures, kissing his mate’s ear. “Hey, did you run here?”
Rowan pulls back and, rolling his eyes, turns to head inside. “Duh. The old man drives too slow.” Anyone who has seen Jay on his Ducati knows that’s not true, but Rowan shoots Grayson his sauciest “finger guns” before the door closes behind him.
The gate opens again, and Jay’s Škoda comes to a stop a foot from the front of the house. He’s frowning, and when he catches Grayson’s eye, he raises an eyebrow in inquiry. It says:Are you okay? What the hell are we doing?So Grayson just flashes him a grin and shrugs, because he won’t know the answer to either question for hours yet. Until his soulmate has done this incredibly hard thing, and all three of them—Nix and his daughters—are safe on this side.
The Wolf: Rowan
Rowan finds Gideon in the kitchen, washing dishes in the sink. It smells like an unholy miasma of scents: lasagna, fried rice, and baking spices, and for the first time in his short life, Rowan smells food and wants to hurl.
Even after that epic tequila binge on New Year’s Eve, Rowan had scarfed down a dozen fried eggs and a pound of bacon while his family had looked on, green around the gills.
He’s glad he’d shifted outside, because his wolf-nose would have turned that feeling into a gross reality. Turns out, avoiding pukeandgetting a hug from Grayson are excellent points in favor of a pre-house shift. Not that he’ll tell anyone about how important either is to his equilibrium at the moment.
In what had been an undeniably weird week, Rowan had spent almost the entire time as the Wolf. Not that he’d planned it that way. Gideon had already put his foot down about eating meals at the table in person form, and the whole pack had unanimously agreed the nest was strictly off-limits to him unless he was bipedal and in his person-form. Still, somehow, he’d managed to spend most of his days on four paws.
It wasn’t a choice so much as a compulsion—as if he needed to be in his most intimidating form to guard his pregnant mate and their den properly. Every inch of the compound reeked of his scent, a clear warning to any would-be interlopers about the dire consequences of trespassing should they even think about breaching the perimeter to cause harm, or other nefarious purposes like…uh…delivering the mail.
Even Jay had proven useful in that regard, though the Wolf still despairedover the fact that his alpha couldn’t shift. At least the pack leader had recognized the new pizza boy for what he truly was: a threat.How dare he try to feed their mates?The Wolf conveniently ignored the part where Leo had actually ordered the food. Because providing for his pregnant mate was the Wolf’s job, not something left to random human upstarts.
It’s not just that he prefers the way the Wolf goes through life: on his terms, with his instincts leading the way. Even though that has certainly been a revelation. Who could have known that this was why he’d struggled his whole life to hold himself back? That the things Rowan felt were lacking in himself were because he’d been denying who he was this whole time?
Luca. That’s who. His sweet-cheeked, twitchy little mate with the juiciest butt and the biggest heart had figured out—for himselfandRowan—that letting the Wolf out meant he could give him what they both needed.
Freedom.
It made being a person easier, too. And regardless of all the flak he’d been taking over the past five months—and especially this week—for letting his Wolf run the show (Don’t pee on that, Rowan. Don’t hump my leg, Rowan. Don’t eat food off the floor, Rowan. Blah-fucking-blah), Rowan had noticed a surprising side effect: less conflict.
Particularly with his fellow enigmas. He found himself less inclined to annoy Grayson until he snapped, whether literally or figuratively. And, surprisingly, less interested in reminding Jay that the pack alpha’s authority largely depended on Rowan’s willingness to avoid hard decisions and his general apathy for societal rules.
Just today, Jay had let so much of Rowan’s shit slide. Rowan knew he’d pushed his alpha to the limit with that laptop stunt. Their entire production company might as well have been built on whatever was inside that thing, and despite Jay’s usual“people are more important than things”line, everyone knew how carefully he handled it.
So when Rowan had challenged him to a run (okay, a chase), the Wolf had been confident Jay wouldn’t take it as a genuine threat to his position. Instead, he’d recognize it for what it was: a chance to pit themselves against each other in a new way. Testing limits, sure, but not in a waythat would actually tip the balance of the pack.
And it had been euphoric.
The Wolf found Jay to be a truly exhilarating opponent; his senses and cunning had been put to the test in new ways that they’d been craving. When his alpha had taken him to his belly and then let him do the same—and Rowan was under no illusion, he knew that Jay had allowed himself to be caught—Rowan had wanted to let Jay fuck him in the forest so he could shout his alpha’s name into the dying sun. Maybe even let the new moon rise over the trees and show the Goddess what They had made.
And when Rowan thinks about it, he guesses theyareabout to show Them what They had made, because the Wolf’s pups are about to join their pack. No sooner does Rowan hear the words in his head than his body breaks out in a cold sweat, and his snack of grubs (we listen and we don’t judge) from the forest makes its way back up.
He barely makes it to the powder room in time, collapsing over the pristine toilet just as the contents of his stomach revolt. Thank the Goddess it’s Leo’s week to clean the shared space and not his. When he’s finally done heaving, he flushes and drops to his knees, resting his forehead against the cool edge of the seat, trying to pull himself together.
“You okay there, Ro?” Gideon asks, offering him a glass of water and a warm, wet cloth for his face. Tsuki drags a pair of Grayson’s sweats to the doorway and then lies outside with a huff.
Is he okay?Not really.
And now that the Wolf isn’t running the show and he can’t hide behind the luxury of not having the vocal cords that don’t allow language, Rowan has to confess his weakness to Gideon.
So he says, “Not really.”
Gideon nods, nudging the sweats with his bare toes. “Cover your cold ass.”
Rowan climbs to his feet to put his pants on and then rinses his mouth out again in the sink.
