Armand must have hit me hard because I didn’t know why I chose the most unsexy thing I could find to wear. A stupid t-shirt with a big unicorn on the front and a pair of shorts.
Xander sat on the edge of the bed and gave me a warm smile.
As I looked at him I thought it would be nice to know more, more about him.
Not anything work related. Just stuff about him as a person and things he did. I didn’t know any of that stuff.
Did he like sports? Did he read the morning paper? If so which one?
What did an ex-marine like doing?
He’d said he’d served in Afghanistan. What was it like?
“You’re giving me that look again. Can’t tell what you’re thinking baby.” He chuckled.
“I’m thinking about you. About stuff I don’t know and want to know.”
“Like what?
I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and gave him a playful smile. “Like how long you were a marine.”
“Four years. I joined up when I was twenty two and thought it was the best thing ever. But I hate rules.”
“That doesn’t surprise me.” It didn’t at all.
“I don’t like being told what to do. I guess I have a problem with authority.”
“That’s not always a bad thing.”
“No, it is not,” he agreed.
If he’d followed authority there were several instances when he would have looked the other way, and who knew what would have happened to me? It was anyone’s guess as to what extent either Pa or Armand would have gone.
The seriousness came back to his eyes and he reached out and touched my face. There was a bruise on my cheek and I was sure I’d have a shiner in the morning. I used to hear guys talk about that. I knew now what having one felt and looked like, twice now.
“That’s the second time a man’s laid their hands on you and I wasn’t able to stop it from happening,” he said more to himself than me.
“You stopped other things from happening to me.”
He shook his head. “Have I? What happens Monday? What happens then?”
“Xander, I hear you but what can we do? My father…” my voice trailed off when I thought of the crux of the matter. “I’m scared of him Xander. I’m scared of what he can do. People don’t defy him, they just don’t. I think we’ve been lucky so far because of the distraction of what’s going on. That’s what I think. It’s also made him act in this overbearing crazy way. He’ll kill you Xander. He would kill you right in front of me to teach me a lesson.” That was what I could see happening.
I was certain that today’s ruckus wouldn’t go down well if Armand told Pa what had happened.
“Jia, I’m not scared of your father, or the fact that he could kill me. It doesn’t scare me. What does scare me is failing in my duties because I’m torn. Over the years I’ve learned there comes a time when the choices you make can have an impact on others in a really big way. For good and bad. A big part of me is always trying to do the right thing. But…sometimes doing the right thing conflicts with what I want most. That’s where I am now.”
“I understand,” I told him. Understanding was the only thing I could do. Telling him that I did was the simple answer, and the simplest thing to do. I had to try and understand.
“Jia if there’s a way I’ll find it,” he promised. “If there’s a way for us to be together, I’ll find it. I think about it all the time and every time I do the obstacles hit me. All the ways it could go wrong. The consequences of me simply putting you in my car and driving like hell out of here. Never to return. All I can say for now is that if there’s any way for me to be with you, I will find it.”
Dare I hope. “Thank you. Thank you for saying that.”
“I mean it.” The deep conviction in his eyes reached out to me.
“I know.” I knew he did. There was so much going on though. I did take comfort in knowing he cared and that it was real between us. Real enough for him to factor me in the way he was.
“I’m glad you know. I am… Believe me when I say that I truly hate this situation with you and Armand. I hate it Jia. Makes me feel helpless and useless. I can’t possibly describe how much I hate it. And, every time I see him he does something to remind me of how bad the situation is. Look at today. It was just fucked up.”
