He was still Pa and I couldn’t feel comfortable knowing someone I knew could kill him.
“I don’t like killing. But if I have to… I’ll do it,” Xander answered, after the long pause of silence.
It didn’t escape me that his answer sounded a lot like what he said back at the warehouse.
He said he’d do what he’d have to do.
So he would kill me?
I just couldn’t believe it.
“Me too? Does that include me too, Xander Cage? You’ll kill me too if I stand in your way? You’ll do what you have to do because it’s your job? You could look at me… and kill me? Just like that?” I was so stupid. Why was I bothering to ask those questions I already knew the answers to?
And, I was worse than stupid because I knew he could take me down and out right now, no matter that I held the gun.
He was an ex-marine and I saw the way he’d handled himself. He was probably just pissing with me, allowing me to think I had the upper hand because I had the gun.
“No,” he breathed and I continued to stare at him.
Assessing his gaze and holding his attention, I tried to figure out if that was a lie.
I could never tell when people were lying. The most I could grab to try and figure them out was that it felt like something was off. With him, it was hard. Over the time I’d known him he made it seem like he didn’t want to get involved with me because he worked for Pa, then there was a moment when something snapped and it was like he didn’t care about that. There was however, always something that didn’t feel right. I was so taken with him though that it never occurred to me to look a little deeper.
His eyes though…
His eyes had seemed to tell a different story.
He was still looking at me. Looking and the wealth of care that always filled his gaze reached out to me and damn it, damn my stupid heart, I believed him.
“You said you’d do what you had to. What if you had to kill me? What if something happened and you had to kill me?”
His gaze dropped to the ground. It was the first time he’d looked away. When he looked back to me he shook his head again.
“I can’t. I couldn’t do it, Jia.”
My hands… my hands started shaking, trembling in tandem with the shiver in my soul.
“Why?” I couldn’t hold back the desperation in my voice this time. I was desperate to know the reason.
“It’s real for me Jia. You and me. It’s all real for me. It shouldn’t be and I wasn’t here to fool you. I’m not here for that. It just happened. It was reckless and irresponsible. But that’s me all over.” He pressed his lips together. “I would never do anything to hurt you. It was real for me. That is the truth.”
“Was?” Another foolish question. What the hell did I expect to happen now?
Hope filled me earlier when he said he wouldn’t allow Armand to take me. Back then I never imagined any of this. I wasn’t thinking and the same thing must have taken me now.
Passion.
It was the thing.
It was the force that had driven me to him. It was the force that couldn’t be tamed and guided my thoughts and actions.
“Is.” He corrected and passion sparked the flame that warmed my heart.
“It’s real for me too.”
It was real for me, but it didn’t change anything.
A knock sounded at the door.
