Had he been calculating? He obviously wanted to go home, but it was clear he was trying to convince me that I wanted to leave.
A dull headache blooms at my temples. I don’t want to analyze Alex’s motivations right now. I want to enjoy the rest of my evening with Mallory and her mother, but everything feels tainted now. Why did he come at all? Did he think I wouldn’t come without him? I fully expected to do most of this on my own. But he didn’t know that until I just told him, and he knew I really wanted to come. What if he suffered in silence until he couldn’t stand it anymore?
When we head to the next location, Valerie spots me as she scans the crowd, worry creasing her forehead. “Where’s Alex?”
“He got tired and headed back,” I said. “I hope it’s okay that I stayed.”
She gives me a smile, but she looks weary. “Of course it’s okay. Are you having fun?”
“I’ve always wanted to go Christmas caroling. It’s more fun than I imagined.” I say a little too enthusiastically, then feel my cheeks heat.
Maybe this is exactly why Alex tried to get me to leave. What grown adult is dying to go caroling? But I’m not going to hide my excitement. I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not. Not for Alex. Not for anyone.
Valerie laughs. “Finley, you’re a delight. When Alex called to say he was bringing you, he said you were eager to experience all the things that Hollybrook has to offer. Don’t you worry. We’ll make sure you do everything you want before you go home.”
Her offer is generous, but I don’t want to steal her time from her family. “You don’t need to worry about me. I don’t want to cause you any unnecessary stress or be a burden.”
“Don’t be silly,” she says with a wave of her hand. “We take all this for granted. It’s refreshing to see it through the eyes of someone who’s never experienced it before.”
She heads after the group, and I follow. Mallory falls into step beside me, shoulder-bumping me and giving me an encouraging look. “Hey, it’ll be okay.”
I force a smile. “Yeah.”
“He used to be happier,” she says as we walk side-by-side. “Lighter. Like he was earlier when we were talking about caroling as kids. But after he went to college…” She pauses then says. “No, it started when he came home for Christmas his senior year of college. He was really quiet. Not himself. To be honest, he hasn’t been himself since.”
“What happened?” I ask.
She shakes her head, sadness washing over her face. “I don’t know. I’ve tried asking him, but he says I’m imagining it. That people change.” She turns to me. “How is he with you?”
Guilt burns in my belly. If I were his real girlfriend, I could answer that. Meeting him for coffee and texting him aren’t the same as being part of his life. Still, seeing him every morning has to count for something. “When I’m with him… he’s been nice, sweet, even.” I think about our texts. “Funny, sometimes.”
Mallory’s eyes flood with tears. “That’s how he used to be with us. Maybe he really does hate us,” she whispers.
I can’t see why he’d hate them. I barely know Mallory and love her already. And his mother reminds me so much of my own that it hurts. His father and brother have been pretty quiet, but I don’t get asshole vibes from them. Mallory said he changed when he came home for Christmas of his senior year, so something must have happened. Did he feel slighted by his family? Did he fight with one of his brothers? People don’t become cold and hard without a reason. Something must have instigated it.
“He doesn’t hate you, Mallory,” I say gently, linking my arm with hers. “He showed me photos of your family. One was a picture of the two of you at the ice rink when you were about twelve or thirteen. You both looked happy.”
She gives me a sad smile. “He showed you that?”
“Yeah.” Sure, he sent them partly to prove he really had a family and wasn’t making the whole thing up, but he had them in his possession. That has to mean something. “He loves you, Mallory. I promise.”
Tears well in her eyes and she swipes at her cheek with the back of her mitten. “Do you think…” She turns toward me as we walk. “I really hate to ask, but could you find out what happened? You’re the first person he’s brought home that I felt like I could ask.”
The last thing I want to do is get in the middle of a family squabble, but then again, I guess I put myself here. Still, I try to evade the question. “I get the impression y’all didn’t like his past girlfriends.” But as soon as I’ve said the words, I regret it. Do I sound jealous?
Mallory jumps on it. “That’s an understatement,” she says sarcastically. “I think that’s why Mom and I were cautiously excited when he called and said he was bringing his new girlfriend home. He’s never brought someone home for Christmas, and the ones we’ve actually met never seemed like they’d want to spend the holidays at our house or Hollybrook. And then you walked in, and I instantly knew you were different.” She shakes her head. “I was hoping that meant he’d come to his senses and was himself again.” She pushes out a sigh. “We miss him. I miss him.”
My stomach drops. I hate seeing Mallory so heartbroken. The crazy thing is, I never saw signs of the Alex she’s describing until we got to Vermont. He’s been nothing but sweet to me. Which means the old Alex is in there. I just have to pull him out.
“If I get a chance, I’ll try to talk to him,” I say, then instantly regret it.
“You will?” she squeals.
“Don’t get too excited,” I say, trying to keep her expectations in check. “I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything.” Especially when I’m probably the last person he wants to confide in.
“Thank you, Finley. Seriously.”
We join the rest of the group, and sing several carols, but my heart isn’t in it. I’m worried about Alex and his family, and I’m not sure how to help.
