“Maybe it is, but in this family, it’s a chocolate cake baked on a sheet pan, then rolled up with a cream filling.”
“That sounds more like my kind of yule log,” she says.
“Mine too,” I admit, feeling a surprising surge of homesickness.
“What’s wrong, Fin?” she asks softly.
“What makes you think something’s wrong?”
“You sound stuffy—like you’ve been crying or came down with a cold.”
“Maybe I caught something from caroling last night.”
“Not likely.” She’s silent for a moment. “Is Alex treating you, okay?”
“Yeah.” Because he is. I was the one who overheard his conversation. He hadn’t meant for me to hear.
“And his family?”
“Sooo nice,” I say. “Almost unbelievably so.”
“Then what’s wrong, Fin?”
Tears sting my eyes again, but I can’t make the words come.
“Sometimes we think we want something and then when we get it, we realize it’s not what we imagined.”
I turn that over. She’s implying I built this trip up into a dream that couldn’t live up to expectations. But the opposite is true. It’s better than I imagined—at least until I overheard Alex. But if I tell her, she’ll be furious with him and insist I come home. For some reason, I want her to still like him.
“Maybe,” I say instead. “I’m also missing Mom.”
“That’s only natural,” she says gently. “You and your mom planned something like this for years. Now you’re doing it without her. Of course there’s guilt mixed in.”
“Yeah.” I swallow, realizing she’s right, though only a little. Because I know Mom would be thrilled that I’m living our dream. “Right before she died, she told me to take risks. But maybe this one was too big. Maybe I should’ve started smaller.”
“Nah,” she says with certainty. “This seems like exactly the kind of risk she wanted you to take.”
I’d thought so too, but now I’m not so sure.
“They aren’t called risks for nothin’. Sometimes risks don’t pan out, but sometimes they do. But if you play it safe your whole life, you’ll miss out on some amazing adventures, so look at this like one—a story to tell your kids in twenty years.”
“Yeah,” I say with a sniff, wiping my cheeks again. “I like that.”
“Try to enjoy the ride, Fin. And if it’s not worth staying, come home. Don’t worry about askin’ Alex for a plane ticket, just call me and I’ll buy one for you.”
“Mirna offered the same thing.” I laugh. “Not that I’d ask either one of you.”
“Of course you wouldn’t,” she says with a chuckle. “But I’ll do it anyway. Promise me if it’s all too much that you’ll let me know, and I’ll get you home.”
It’s a sting to my pride but I say, “Okay. I promise, but I don’t expect to be coming home early.”
“I hope you don’t either, but it’s always nice to have a backup plan.”
Tyler said the same thing, and I realize I’ve probably been out here too long. Valerie was heating up lunch when I took Alex his phone. They’re going to wonder where I’ve been.
“Barb, I should go,” I say, wiping one cheek then the other. “We’re about to eat lunch then we’re going to the Christmas market. It’s supposed to be like the German ones.”
“That sounds fun,” she says, then her voice lowers. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
