I sighed deeply. “I mean, I’ve noticed. But I just don’t understand what his deal is.”Why me?I had nothing to offer him.
“His deal is that he likes you.”
“I don’t know. . .”
“Don’t be dumb. It’s so obvious.”
I tried not to look offended at her bluntness.
Rachel sighed. “I wanted to be here about as badly as you did. Maybe even less. But we’re here now and we might as well make the most of it.”
“I’m trying.”
“Are you? Because it seemed like you were going to try to ride with Arnie until the end, even though I know you don’t like him like that.”
We both stared at the crackling fire for a minute. What Ithought was going to be a quick, heartfelt apology about Arnie had turned into a reality check.
“I really don’t want to get hurt,” I finally admitted.
Rachel inhaled sharply before letting out a laugh. “Are you serious? None of us want to get hurt. That’s why we’re here. Clearly our families thought we were so bad at finding love that it was never gonna happen if they left it up to us.”
“My sister and my mom are desperate for me to move on. I guess two years is the time limit on grief,” I said.
Rachel assessed me. “I’m sure they don’t think that.”
I knew I was playing the victim and I hated myself for it a little bit. Of course my family didn’t think that. It wasn’t so much a time limit on grief, as a time limit on living. I couldn’t let my loss consume me forever.
“Maybe you’re right. But I still don’t know that Eli is a very good option for me.”
She laughed. “Keep telling yourself that.”
“You should have seenthe conflict in Danny’s eyes when I wanted to quit,” Trace said. “He looked so pained. But then he just acted like it was no big deal and helped me get down. It killed him to quit, though; I could see it. I think the vein in his neck nearly popped.”
We all burst out laughing as Trace regaled us with the story of her quitting on Danny during today’s high ropes course mission. Sofia still sat across the room, sulking in a corner. To say she wasn’t over what happened with Eli earlier would be an understatement. But I wasn’t about to waste my energy trying to get her to like me if she was hellbent on hating me.
“I honestly don’t know why he likes me,” Trace added. “We’re so different.”
“You saw what he was like with me,” Rachel said. “We’re similar personalities, and that was a disaster. You’re probably a welcome change of pace.”
Sitting here with Trace and Rachel made it feel like we were real friends just talking about our crushes. I could almost forget the cameras above us and the microphones recording every word.Almost.
A few minutes later, the guys finally returned to the lounge, looking exhausted. I didn’t blame them. It was impossible not to feel haggard after those interview sessions.
To my relief, Eli made a beeline for me and he was no longer avoiding eye contact.
“Hey.” His voice was wary as he approached.
“Hi,” I said, smiling.
My smile seemed to shift something in him, because his anxious expression fell away and I saw the hint of his dimple forming.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
But before I could get up, Sofia stormed over to us.
“No!” she exclaimed. “If you’re talking to anyone, you’re going to talk to me, and you’re going to explain what the hell happened out there today.”
Eli looked agitated. “I told you I wanted to pick Calla.”
