“You should consider making your movie independently if you really can’t get anyone to look at it. Just because no one wants to give you a chance, doesn’t mean your story isn’timportant, you know? I almost went the self-publishing route before I finally got signed.”
Eli’s arm tightened around me. “Tell me about your book.” His words were muffled by my hair.
Heat crept into my cheeks. “It’s about a girl. She’s quiet and in her own head a lot and doesn’t have many friends. One day, she decides to skip school on a whim. That day she runs into a boy. She knows him—he’s the most popular boy at her school. But he doesn’t recognize her. He’s skipping for reasons of his own, and they decide to spend all day doing things they normally wouldn’t. Anyway, they get to know each other without all of these preconceived notions adding pressure, and they end up falling for each other. But when they go back to reality, they realize everything between them wasn’t as easy as they thought it’d be.”
Eli sucked in a breath. “That feels a little on the nose, if you ask me.”
I thought about it for a moment, surprised by the connection he’d made between my synopsis and what the two of us were experiencing right now. In my head, that book was mine and Michael’s story, even though we hadn’t had any issues getting together. The struggles my characters faced all represented my internal battles.
“I guess you’re right, in a way. I always thought of it as a story of first love, but really, it brings to light a lot of buried insecurities I’ve always had.”
Eli played with the fabric of my sweatshirt, and a wave of comfort washed over me at the familiarity of it all.
“You said you got the publishing deal a while back. Why hasn’t it been released yet?” he asked.
My cheeks burned thinking about that. I hated that I had allowed my book to be put on a backburner all this time. “After Michael died, they let me postpone the release,” I said. “I didn’t have it in me to do book tours or signings or anything like that. I just couldn’t stand the thought of moving on like everything was fine.”
“And now?”
I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but I also knew I couldn’t be dishonest with Eli. “Now...I guess I’m still not sure.”
Eli’s eyes darkened at my continued indecision.
“Can we talk about today?” Eli sounded wary, and I realized for the first time that maybe I wasn’t the only one who was worried about getting hurt in this process. “I know it was a lot, but I need to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. I mean, Brady asked me if I was jealous of Sofia and you about a dozen times in my interviews, but I gave him nothing.”
“You have nothing to be jealous of, trust me. I wish they would just give it up already,” Eli said through his teeth.
“Youdidkiss her,” I pointed out, cringing. I sounded like a jealous girlfriend.
“She kissed me,” he insisted. “On the first night. I stood there in shock before I backed away and said it seemed too soon for that.”
“You backed away?” I asked, trying, and likely failing, to hide my disbelief.
Eli turned in the loveseat so that our faces were only inches apart. “Of course I did. Have I given any impression this entire time that I’m secretly harboring feelings for Sofia?”
“Well, no. But...” I paused, not wanting to say it.
His jaw clenched as he moved his hands up and down his thighs. “But what? Just say it. Because I sleep around, there’s no way I could ever back away from the advances of a willing woman?”
Flinching, I continued to stare at the rug. “I wasn’t going to say that, exactly.”
He let out a frustrated sigh. “I hate when you think about me that way. I’ve never given a shit about how I might be perceived, but ever since I met you, I’m so hyperaware of every decision I ever made when I didn’t think they’d have consequences.”
“And they don’t,” I insisted, hating that I was making him feel insecure. He had every right to live his life however he wanted.
“Yes, they do. Because if those actions make me the kind of guy you can’t see yourself with, then I regret a lot of what I did.”
There was a quiet vulnerability in the way he looked at me.
“That’s not it at all,” I whispered.
He laughed bitterly. “Then what is it? Because I feel like we went from making so much progress the other day, to you sprinting away from me right now.” He reached for one of my hands and I let him grab it as he traced my knuckles with his thumb. “We kissed. And I don’t know about you, but that meant something to me.”
“For me, too.” Despite any apprehensions I had, I could already feel myself melting into him.
“I know my track record doesn’t exactly make me look like a candidate for an ideal boyfriend, but I’ve never met anyone who made me want to try before. I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to know everything about you. Most of all, I want to get you out of here and just spend time with you, outside of some asinine challenge where we have to risk our lives.”
