“He was just...so wrong for me. He hated everything I did. What I wore, my hobbies, how I acted. He thought I was embarrassing.” I shuddered thinking back on it. “I know it sounds silly; it wasn’t like he was overly cruel or anything. But being so young, and having someone who you think hangs the moon tell you to keep it down if you’re laughing too loudly, or pulling you aside during a party to tell you that your jokes aren’t funny and people are giving you strange looks... those kinds of things just really add up. Eventually, I think I was putting on more of a performance for him than living for myself, if that makes sense.”
Harrison winced. “Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“No, I’m sorry for every prickish thing I ever said to you,” he added quickly. When I looked up, his eyes were burning a hole straight through me.
“You couldn’t have known.” My hands drifted back and forth, letting the water run through my fingers. “Plus, that’s just the way you are.”
“It’s not the way I should have been with you,” he said more forcefully.
We locked eyes for a moment before I tried to shake off his comment.
“Anyway,” I continued. “I guess, because he never gave me much affirmation, I sought it out other places. Volunteering to run a fundraiser because a teacher asked, joining a club in college I had no interest in, just because they were low on membership, going above and beyond when someone asked for my help at work. I loved seeing the grateful or relieved look on someone’s face and knowing I caused that. Maybe it started as a way to overcompensate, but it’s kind of addictive.”
“You’re perfect the way you are.” My eyes widened at Harrison’s statement. “I didn’t mean you should go changing yourself. I just meant...” He looked back to the shore before staring at me again. “I just meant to make sure you’re watching out for yourself. Don’t let anyone take advantage.”
We stood in the water a few seconds, unsure of who should speak next. Finally, I smiled to myself.
“You know, we aren’t that different.”
He lifted a brow, clearly surprised that was where my train of thought had arrived.
“How so?”
“We both care entirely too much about what people think. You suppress everything to ensure you scare them off, and I do everything they ask—and things they don’t ask for—in the hopes of winning them over.”
“That doesn’t exactly sound like a great combination.”
Shrugging, I couldn’t help but feel he was wrong. “Maybe we’re balancing each other out.”
His eyes roamed over my face. “Lila, if anyone could balance me out, it’s you.”
EIGHTEEN
Harrison
“Hey! How’s it going?”Oliver’s face filled my screen as I sat by our hotel pool waiting for Lila to get changed for dinner.
“What the hell are you calling me for? Isn’t it the middle of the night there?” I asked.
“Almost five in the morning. Charlie wants to do a sunrise hike.”
“Sad I’m missing that,” I said, not meaning it at all.
“Lila doesn’t have you waking up first thing to do some sort of activity? I find that hard to believe.”
“She let me sleep until seven today.” The corner of my lip tugged up just thinking about the eventful day we’d shared. We had spent hours wandering the different beaches before we got back to the hotel and collapsed for a nap. The one bed had been a little tricky last night; just knowing she was lying next to me in her little sleep shirt did not do good things for my self-control. But this afternoon we’d been so exhausted that we’d fallen asleep immediately. I had even woken up to her head on my chest before discreetly slipping away so that she wouldn’t be embarrassed.
“Harrison, are you smiling?”
My mouth fell into a frown as soon as I noticed the shit-eating grin on my best friend. “What’s it to you?”
“I knew it. You’re loving it. You like Lila now, don’t you? Admit it.”
“Why do you always have to be so?—”
“Upbeat? Optimistic? Amiable?”
