“Me too.” He looked pained, which just set my nerves off even more.
“So,” I said, but he started to say something at the same time. His lip curled up and he ducked his head.
“Sorry. you go ahead,” I said.
“Can I come in?” he asked, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets.
“Of course.” I scrambled out of the doorway to let him inside. I’d been so caught off guard by seeing him here, I’d lost all semblance of composure or manners. He stepped inside and looked around before taking off his boots. If seeing him on my porch felt strange, nothing could have prepared me for seeing him inside my house.
He looked incredibly out of place, his dark clothes and hair a stark contrast to my brightly colored space. A twinge of self-consciousness hit me. What if he didn’t like it?
“This place is so you,” he said, looking past me to my cramped vintage kitchen. He didn’t say it like it was a bad thing. He almost said it fondly.
“I mean, did you expect anything else?” I smiled to try to ease my concerns.
“Not at all.” Harrison closed the door behind him and we were sealed in. I had to face him, but I wasn’t sure I was ready.
“Did you want the tour?” I joked, shifting from foot to foot. “It won’t take long.”
Now he looked caught off guard. “Uh, sure.”
“Some would call it tight, but I would say cozy,” I said, walking backward and gesturing to my kitchen. “This is the kitchen where I whip up the best cupcakes you could ever imagine. Now that you’re actually nice to me, maybe I’ll make some for you.” I laughed nervously and immediately regretted saying that. “Then the back bedroom is my office and the first door down the hall is my bedroom.” I paused before touching the door to my bedroom. I wasn’t quite ready to open that can of worms yet. Instead, I redirected him to the living room. “And here is the main gathering space.”
“Where did you find this couch?” he eyed the pink patterned antique.
“An estate sale.” I patted the cushion. “I knew it was coming home with me the minute I saw it.”
“It is very you.” A ghost of a smile came across his lips.
My phone vibrated on the coffee table, causing us both to lean down to look. When I saw that it was a notification from that stupid dating app, my face paled and I snatched my phone to hide it. I shot a nervous glance at Harrison, hoping he’d missed it, but judging from the death glare I was now receiving I didn’t think I’d been that lucky.
“Are you seriously on a dating app right now? We’ve only been back a few hours.” He threw his head back before dragging a hand across his face.
“No, it’s not like that.” I waved my hands in a panic. “Charlie downloaded it for me.”
“Why?” He looked mad, but I knew him well enough now to realize the harsh lines of his features were just masking his hurt. I felt terrible.
“To remind me how bad it is out there,” I said, feeling embarrassed although I wasn’t sure why. “I was... I didn’t know... I guess I’m confused.” I blew out a sharp breath to try and collect my thoughts. I let my eyes drift to the floor because looking at him right now was just causing my brain to turn into jelly.
“Lila, we need to talk.” He had taken on a serious tone which made my pulse quicken.
“I didn’t know where we stood after today,” I continued, desperate to make him understand. My voice was shaky, but I was definitely panicking a little. “I’ll delete the dating app right now. Regardless of how anything turned out, I was already planning on it. Charlie was just trying to encourage me not to...” Not to what? Give up? Give up on what? I couldn’t finish my sentence, because everything just sounded too pathetic and needy.
Harrison seemed to finally notice my nerves, because his dark eyes widened a little. “Hey,” he said gently, taking a step forward to grab onto my arms. “I don’t care about that, okay? I mean, I do, but only in the sense that I really, really don’t want you thinking about anyone else.”
“You don’t?” Everything inside me was coiled tightly.
“Of course not.” Harrison hunched over so that he could look me more directly in the eyes. “I'm sorry about today, and for being so awkward. I hated leaving you like that.”
His words were like a needle being poked into the balloon of my tension. My panic started to trickle away, but I was still tentative.
“You did?” I asked.
“It was awful.” His eyes searched mine. “I never should have let you second-guess anything, but I was barely holding it together.”
“Because you weren’t sure you wanted this for real.” I squeaked out.
“No.” He snorted and looked at me incredulously. “Because I wassosure I wanted this, and I didn’t know what to do. Or say. I didn’t want to come on too strong and freak you out, so I sat there in silence like an idiot. I made things weird today and I’m so sorry for that.”
