Mattie was driving me nuts lately. It was like she wastrying to leverage my feelings for Oliver to get me to stay or something. First off, I was not about to give up my career to move to a small town. And second, Oliver wasn’t staying either. He’d said it himself a hundred times. He wasn’t good with commitment.
“Oliver is great. Which is why I’ve been spending so much time with him.” I leaned in. “But you know what else he is?Supportive.”
Mattie sighed.
“He knows how much I want this and he wants it for me too,” I finished. “Besides. As soon as summer comes around, he’s off to teach some whitewater rafting course or something like that. We’re both moving on.”
Mattie frowned. “Tragic.”
I let out a frustrated huff. “It’s not tragic. People meet people all the time that aren’t meant to stay in their lives forever. Oliver and I are just enjoying this season together and that’s it.”
“Funny, I remember thinking something similar about Giles.” Mattie tapped her chin.
I took another swig of my wine. Why did this feel like some sort of love intervention?
“Just becauseyoumoved to a small town and met your soulmate doesn’t mean everyone will.”
Mattie’s face softened. “Frankie. I wish you could see the way he looks at you.”
Goosebumps pricked my arms.
“I see how he looks at me every day,” I said quietly.
“You might see it, but you’re notseeingit,” Mattie insisted. “Love is harder to find than a job.”
I almost choked hearing the word “love.”
“In this economy?” I arched an eyebrow. “I’m not so sure about that.”
Mattie let out a groan of frustration. “You’ve always been so obsessed with being successful—whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean anyway. You had to get the best grades, then go to the best college, then find the right job, then buy a house because renting is throwing your money away.”
“Itisthrowing your money away,” I interrupted.
“I’ve seen you more alive this past month than I have in my entire life. You never take the time to just live.”
“Have you ever thought it’s because I’m trying to live up to you?” I snapped.
An awkward silence fell over the table.
She opened and closed her mouth a few times. “What are you talking about?” Mattie demanded. “I’ve never put pressure on you. And neither have Mom or Dad.”
My chest squeezed. “Maybe not intentionally, but you were always perfect, Mattie. In high school, all the boys wanted to date you. You barely studied and always got good grades. Then you got that amazing job right out of college without even trying.”
“I try,” she insisted, leaning in.
“Not as hard as me.” Tears pricked my eyes and I willed them to retreat back into my body. I refused to cry at happy hour. “Even this life you built here. When everything you had in Florida fell apart—and I’m sorry about that, I know how much that sucked for you—but even then, you moved here and met the love of your life. I’m not the one things come easy for. I’m the one that tries so painfully hard it’s pathetic. I’m not about to give up when I’m on the cusp of making it.”
Mattie squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. “You thinkI’mthe perfect one? That’s how I’ve always seenyou. You always got the better grades, had the better style, got the higher-paying job. You were better with money—smarter.” She waved her hand in the air. “And you’re wrong, I do try. Itry a lot. Especially before I moved out here and finally decided to start appreciating my life.”
I sniffled and wiped at my eye.
“And second of all,” she continued. “There’s no making it when you don’t have an end goal in mind. You’re on this treadmill set at this insane incline, going nowhere. What you want will always be out of reach because you don’t know what it is.” Her eyes softened and she reached over to gently grab my arm. “Success is a word made up to make us feel like we’re failing. So take this job if you want to take this job. Move to New York if it’s what you really want. All I’m saying is that I’ve known you my entire life and I’ve never seen you laugh the way I’ve seen you laugh lately. I wish you’d take a second to think about what that means before you go off sprinting in the wrong direction.”
Mattie’s words sent my mind spinning. I felt lightheaded.
My first instinct was to deflect—to tell her that she was way off base and if I could actually land this job, it would be the best thing that could happen to me. The words twisted on my tongue. They were so mangled I couldn’t get them out.
“I’m laughing because of Oliver. He doesn’t take anything seriously,” I said finally. “And I seem happy because I’ve never had a break before.”
