“This here, the white lily that’s wilting, has his date of death etched in the stem so I never forget.” I trace her finger along the stem. She watches as I trace the design up to the stopwatch peaking from behind the flower. “This here is the exact time of his death. He was in the Marines with me. We were fanatics at beating each other’s times on the assault course.” I smile to myself at our competitiveness to always outdo each other. Behind the stopwatch is a paper burning at the edges. I continue to move her finger over the burning paper. “This is the letter I wrote to my parents, apologising for taking their son from them because I couldn’t witness the disappointment in their eyes. The burning edges signify my deceit to my brother.” I drop my head and hold her palm close to the tattoo. She uses her other hand to lift my face to look at her, tears threaten to fall, but this was my doing, nobody else was to blame.
“What happened?” she whispers, barely audible.
“I slept with the woman my brother was seeing,” I say as I look away, not wanting to see the regret on her face at discovering who I am.
“Look at me, Clay.” Her voice is stern but soft. I swallow hard as I stare at the wall, continuing. She needs to know it all.
“He wasn’t supposed to be on patrol that day, but he picked up the extra one because he couldn’t bear to look at us. He died that day on the field knowing what a shit I had been. He died thinking that it was just me outdoing him again.” I sigh. “If you hate me, I completely understand.”
“Clay,” she croaks and I turn to face her. Tears roll down her cheeks, and her face is plagued with sympathy. “You’ve livedwith this for too long. You can’t go on regretting the mistakes you’ve made, you fucked up, but his death isn’t on your hands.”
“I was the reason he was out there that day. I should’ve kept it in my fucking trousers. I swore to myself I would never love again. Then you stood on that bridge all alone, and my heart leapt into action. You may not have fallen from the bridge that night, but shit, my broken heart mended a little. That night, you slept next to me and kept my nightmares at bay. I knew I was a goner." I exhale loudly, the feeling of relief flooding me that she now knows. She places her hands on each cheek, kissing me, then she pulls away slowly.
“You don’t have to fight the demons of your past alone. We’ll fight them together, unified.”
“I love you,” I whisper, suddenly overcome with emotion I hadn’t felt in a long time. I would die for this woman.
“And I love you more than you’ll ever truly know,” she replies. I do know, because there is no way she’s ever going to leave me. This is it. Us against the world.
Chapter Seventeen
Bella
I straighten out my fitted suit jacket as I wait nervously outside the courtroom, I tug at the hem for the twentieth time. Nerves wrack my body as I pace back and forth. Clay leans against the wall and stiffens, and I follow his stare. Liam walks in full of arrogance, his chest prodding out, head held high as if everyone in the room is below him. Some might mistake it for confidence, something that would appeal to most women, but now makes me recoil. Brandy trails behind him, the sound of her stilettos ricocheting off the walls. I look down and fidget with the buttons of my jacket, scared to make eye contact. I don’t even notice Clay coming up beside me ‘til he rests his hand on my shoulder, startling me.
“You got this. Hold your head high, beaut,” he whispers, leaning in close to my ear. He slides his hand over mine, stopping my fidgeting, and grips hold of it. I’m reminded in that moment that I am no longer the woman Liam kicked to the kerb.
I look up and find his fixed stare boring into my soul. My eyes flick around the room, focussing on anything but him. My skin feels clammy, and sickness bubbles in my stomach. Clay squeezes my hand in reassurance.
“Look at you, trying to look as if you’ve got your fucking life together,” Liam snarls, his lip curling in contempt. “Fucking stupid whore,” he mutters under his breath, but loud enough for us to hear. Clay pulls me behind him. His jaw ticks and his nostrils flare.
“Watch who you’re fucking talking to,” he growls. It suddenly feels like Clay has taken up this entire space with his presence.
“Pah, fucking calm down, guard dog. You’ll soon get bored of the skank.” Brandy giggles like a hyena, and I feel like I’m back in the playground. Clay’s shoulders tense. His hand tightens around mine, a sure sign he’s trying hard to compose himself. Liam grins, goading him.
“Careful,” Clay warns. “I’ve put a man down for—”
“Clay,” Misty hisses, her tone warning. She places her hand on his arm. He looks at her, and I can see how close he was to losing his shit, his usual blue eyes now almost black. She steps in front of him, between the two men. “Do not,” she whisper-shouts. He looks over her head, still eyeballing Liam. “For fuck’s sake, Clay, this is not a pissing contest. You’re going to fuck this up for Bella if you carry on.” He looks down at her, and his shoulders relax. “You can stay out here,” she adds.
He shakes his head. “Not a fucking chance.”
“You’ll sit in those chairs and let me do my job,” Misty says, glaring at him.
I squeeze his hand gently.
“I’ve got this,” I smile, although I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. I straighten my shoulders, taking a deep breath and I let go of his hand. He offers me a small nod, sitting in the chairs outside the courtroom.
“You ready?” Misty asks.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
I breathe a sigh of relief as I push the doors open. Clay stands abruptly, looking nervous.
“I fucking did it, Clay,” I squeal, and he runs towards me, his arms wrap around my waist, and he lifts me off the floor, spinning me around. “Thank you,” I murmur as I rest my forehead against his.
He releases me, sliding me down his body and kisses me softly on my head. “No need to thank me, beaut.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder and tucks me into his side.
Misty exits the courtroom, smiling over at us. “Imogen will do the initial visitations on the weekends. It’s been agreed that for the time being, you and Liam should not be together in the preliminary access to allow you to build your relationship back up with your boys.”
