Disappointment made her chest tight, and her eyes prickled with tears. She still wanted answers, but she either gave in to these people’s demands or died. Yet, if she stayed, she could finally figure out everything she’d wondered for so long. It galled, knowing her research might need to be secret, but it didn’t quell her desire for answers. And, she knew devious bits of her would never stop pushing regardless. She might even be able to find folks around the area to help with her research.
“You think that is a possibility…I could continue my work, as long as I stayed? I imagine I wouldn’t beallowedto leave in such a case. Maybe ever.“ Her voice was nothing but a whisper.
“Might be. I imagine if they let yeh stay, it would be fairly hard to stop yeh from doing your studies. From what I saw, yeh research like yeh breathe. You’re constantly taking those wee plant clippings and writing in your book. You’d be welcome, if yeh needed, to stay here, with me. Until, well, yeh get things sorted.” He dipped his head, blushing.
“Well yes, I might—“ She stopped. Plant clippings and writing in her book? When had he seenthat?Whatelsehad he seen? The blood drained from her face. He had mentioned remembering her from the tavern, andhehadn’t said he’d run into her after she fell, she’d just assumed.
“How do you know I have been taking plant clippings and notes? How long have you been following me? I don’t remember seeing you at all since the tavern.” She truly had no memory of him on the trail, not even a hint of another human anywhere around her until she woke up in the cave. He must be an exceptional tracker, she’d not noticed him in the least. The idea of someone watching her for an extended period without her knowledge made her shudder, especially knowing how she’d passed the time. It didn’t matter how nice he seemed, if he could evade her senses for any length of time, it was evident Berne could be extremely dangerous if he wanted.
“Don’t look at me like I’m some pervert, watching yeh was literally my job. Been following yeh for about a week, and I didn’t see yeh much at all, so don’t worry, I don’t go around spying on ladies while they pee or anything. I’dhopedyeh would find your way back downriver, or I could dissuade yeh from coming closer, but I swear, yeh just kept on a’coming like yeh were pulled to a lodestone. Iamsorry, by the way, for scarin’ yeh,“ he said looking chagrined.
“For scaring me? Do you mean following me? I mean, I guess if it was your job...” She trailed off, shaking her head to clear it. “Anyhow it’s not your fault I fell, it was the bear that—“ She started.Surelyhe would have noticed the bear if he’d followed her for any length. Maybe he’d scared the bear which caused it to herd her like that. Shecouldhave missed his scents and sounds and dismissed them as part of the bear’s if they had both been tracking her, but they would have needed to be extremely close. Or, she realized with a start, he could have beenwiththe bear, making him feel responsible for her fall, after a fashion. As she thought of it, she remembered she couldscarcely makeout the bear’s scent here in the cabin, it was mingled with Berne’s scent as she’d noticed in the cave.
“The bear! Were you with him? Do you have some sort of giant trained pet bear?6Like for hunting? I kept smelling a bear nearby and I can sort of smell it here, too.”
He chuckled and rubbed his chin. “I suppose I do at that.” He shook his head as he laughed. “Aye, a giantpetbear. If it turns out you’re staying, I’ll introduce yeh.”
Keeping a pet bear seemed extremely odd, but she wasn’t familiar with his culture, perhaps it was entirely normal. Or, it could be part of his job. She could see how a bear companion or partner would be useful. Many contingents of guards kept dogs or horses, she supposed.
“He must be very well-trained. He didn’t bother me at all,” Sirin said, and for whatever reason, that made Berne burst out laughing. It was rich and sonorous, and it reminded her of roasted caramel. Shelovedthe sound of his laugh, she decided.
“I wish he was well trained or even had manners, for that matter. No, he’s just a gentleman to the ladies and a bit shy, yeh could say,” Berne said.
Sirin giggled at the thought of a bear being a gentleman, remembering her doodle of him wearing a suit.
“Well, I would love to meet him. If it turns out I am staying, as you say, that is…” She thought of what it would look like to stay in this place. How would her life change from what she’d planned? Would it be so terrible? She tugged on her braid as she tried to make it work in her head, only to realize her hair was stiff with dried blood. She recoiled in disgust. Across from her Berne chuckled and rose.
“Yeh might want a bath, if yeh don’t mind me suggesting it,” he said.
“Are you trying to tell me I smell?” she joked, mouth agape in feigned affront.
Berne chuckled, “Not as such, no, but ifmyhair made me make a face like that, I’d be wanting one, so I would.”
“Well…I suppose you’re probably right,” she said, grimacing as she picked some dried blood flakes out of her braid. “A bath would be lovely, thank you.”
“Oh thank the Lady, I wasn’t about to dunk yeh in if yeh said no, but it would be a close one,” he smiled cheekily and grabbed a large pot off the stove. He disappeared behind a screen next to the fire and Sirin heard the sound of water pouring into a tub.
“Yeh might need to stir it up a bit, to get the water evenly heated, but I’ve left yeh soap and a towel.” Stepping from behind the screen, he gestured to a door on the other side of the fire and rubbed a hand behind his neck.
“Sure, an’ I’m just going to…ah, I mean, I need to check the—“ He flushed a deep pink and turned to leave. “Just yowl if yeh need me then? I’ll be outside so I’ll be able to hear yeh holler.”
The door shut softly behind him and Sirin found herself alone in his cabin. It was cozy and she liked how the light scent of his bear suffused the place, comforting her with its familiarity. She stood, stretching her muscles and rolling her head. She was fully healed, but the rapid nature of healing with lunula always left a dull ache and a burn similar to sore muscles7. She shed her traveling clothes, piling them next to her bag, noticing that her sledge was parked just out the window as she stood. She gasped at the lack of snow as she peered out. The ground was covered in grasses and bright wildflowers, and Berne’s house was surrounded by trees. How very odd. Perhaps there was geothermal activity in the area warming the soil? She couldn’t wait to explore but that bath called like a siren’s song.
From her pack, she retrieved her last remaining set of clean clothes. She hadn’t had any use for them on her trip as they were not well-suited to travel. She’d only packed them in case she settled somewhere or ran into people. The rest of her everyday clothes were rolled tightly into a large bundle on her sledge. She hoped this set wouldn’t be too heavy, she’d packed for the extreme north and it didn’t seem too chilly here. She grabbed a pair of stockings, her stays, petticoat, and shirt along with the brown tweed skirt and matching vest. It was a simple outfit, versatile and functional. She was glad it was what she’d kept handy, knowing it would make her feel more put together and confident if forced to make difficult decisions for her future.
Becoming aware that she’d been lingering in a virtual stranger’s house naked, she ducked behind the folding screen. A standalone copper tub steamed in front of a window that overlooked his garden and a pair of beehives. She stirred the water with her hand and sank down into the deep tub inhaling the steam in pleasure. The warm heat loosened her muscles and soothed her nerves. The gentle lapping of the water dampened some of her worries and allowed her to relax.
For the briefest moment, Sirin floated in peace, but the silence quickly caused her emotions to rush to the forefront of her mind. She’d always been one to rush in, to go headlong for a goal, consequences be damned. She’d paid for it repeatedly, but when she was the only one who suffered for it, she had never much cared. Her goal had always been finding the source, but her methods of inquiry had varied wildly over the years.
To some extent, her status as a lunologist had gotten her out of more scrapes than she’d like to admit. Here, that didn’t seem to matter one bit, and it wasn’t likely to help her. She’d been in tight spots before, but this felt different. She could likely escape, speed up her reactions, and bulk up her muscles and she’d be out of there in a trice. But after that, she wasn’t sure. She didn’t fancy the idea of wandering the tundra trying to avoid their guards. And that was if she could even find her way out of wherever they were. The urge to explore made her stomach bubble. Excitement or nerves, or both, danced inside her.
“Lady damn me for a fool,” she growled, rubbing her hands down her face, “why did I think that this was a good idea? Will I never stop rushing in? Is this just who I am, single-minded to the point of recklessness?”
She’d thought she knew what to expect when she’d left. Death had been a possibility, of course, but execution hadneverbeen a consideration. She was facing capital punishment for what could be argued wasn’t even a crime but an inconvenience. She could feel her panic coursing through her, but it warred with anger, vying to control the manifestations of her emotions. The quick pace of her heart. The sweat beading her brow. The tightness in her face. Each feeling heightened the others until they tumbled into a mass that threatened to whip her into a frenzy. She wasterrifiedand for what? An arbitrary line on a map drawn by xenophobic isolationists? Her emotions bubbled up until she felt them threatening to spill out of her.
She sucked in a harried breath and steadied herself. As pressing as the agitation was, she knew it wasn’t going to aid her in finding a solution at present. She needed practicality, and this disquiet would only get in the way of logic. The mindfulness training at the Citadel allowed her to work through her emotions more swiftly, and right then, she was grateful it had been a required course. She acknowledged that her fear had kept her alive and that it had allowed her to react to dangerous situations. But now she needed to use her wits to get out of this mess.
She dunked under the water imagining her fear dissipating into the bath, allowing the tension to pass away from her. She floated underwater for as long as she could, using a bit of lunula to give her extra time. Sensory deprivation had always helped her think, and she certainly wasn’t about to dampen her actual senses with lunula in a strange place, no matter how friendly Berne seemed. Surfacing with a gasp, Sirin felt steady enough to dig for the next emotion.
