“Believe it or not, before I became a bitter old woman, I was a lot more like you than you realize. Sometimes when love sours, it can make you better or it can make you bitter. I’m sure you can tell which way I leaned.” She pauses, sighing. “I don’t want you to become like me. I thought I was protecting you, but now I see I was doing more harm than good.”
When I don’t respond, she continues.
“Do you love him?”
My breath catches. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that I love Ethan, but we haven’t said it yet, so the word weighs heavy in my chest.
“I— We— We haven’t...”
“It’s okay. You can tell me when you’re ready.”
We continue talking for hours, making up for lost time. She tells me stories from all of her adventures, and I tell her how much I enjoy working onThe Vineand that I’m on the fence about moving back to Seattle. She tells me that the right man will stick around if I do decide to follow through with my plan. I’m not surprised she’s encouraging of me still moving back, regardless of my relationship with Ethan. It’s not as if I expected her to completely change. And maybe she’s right. The right guy isn’t going to let a couple hundred miles get between us, right?
Later that night, as I’m cuddled up in Ethan’s arms, I think back to my mom asking me if I love Ethan. I want so badly to tell him, but something is preventing me from getting the words out. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid to say it first, or maybe it’s because I’m worried I’ll make a fool of myself when reality sets in, and he breaks up with me the moment I’m back on the other side of the state.
CHAPTER 46
Marisa
CARHARTT TO CUSTOM SUIT
“What’s this thing called again?”
Ethan and I are getting ready for some festival gala thing happening at the winery. With the amount of things this town turns into an event, I’m starting to think Hallmark is a lot more accurate than I believed it was.
“The Winter Wine Fest,” he says, looking at me through the reflection in the mirror as he ties his tie. “It’s another way to generate interest in the slow season, fill the lull between Christmas and New Years. Except this year, it’s a little different, because Elyse is hosting a corporate holiday retreat, so she’s playing double-duty tonight, with the other event happening in the downstairs ballroom. I’m assuming it’s going to be hectic.”
I’m not exactly dying to wear this tight dress and mingle, but any excuse to see Ethan dressed up is a-oh-kay with me. The man goes from Carhartt to custom suit very smoothly. The night hasn’t even begun, but I already can’t wait to come home and peel him out of that—actually scratch that. The suit stays on.
Before we leave, he takes a beta blocker and slips more medication in my purse, just in case. We’re now at a place where he doesn’t hide that side of himself. His anxiety is part of who he is and I would never shame him for it. I feel privileged to be oneof the few he trusts. The fact that he feels safe enough with me to be vulnerable, knowing how hard it is for him to let anyone in that way, has made me fall even more in love with him.
We spent Christmas at Ethan’s parents’ house, surrounded by his siblings and extended family. Even my dad, Jenn, and the kids joined in, because a bout of freezing rain derailed their plans to spend it with Jenn’s family. It was just as I predicted it would be, total chaos, loud conversations, and an absolute dream.
It didn’t take me long to realize, though, that even in the presence of his family, Ethan was having a hard time. He was tense and quiet, keeping his fists balled at his sides. And all I wanted to do was fix it. It was such a helpless feeling, but I tried my best to be the calm and steady against his anxious mind. Staying by his side, distracting him with rambling stories, giving him a break by suggesting a walk, it was all I could think of, and it didn’t feel like it was enough.
We agreed not to do presents—well I suggested it and tried to make him uphold his end of the deal. I didn’t want to make the holiday about gifts, not with us. He hasn’t admitted it, but I suspect the tires on my car are new and I miraculously found a brand new supply of all the expensive makeup and toiletries I use on a regular basis. He knew I wanted to be low key and still managed to find a way to make me feel special. I’m not sure how I got so lucky. He didn’t just raise the bar, he made an entirely new one, one no one else could ever reach.
We get to the winery early to help Elyse with any last-minute things she may need, though, upon arrival, she clearly has it allunder control. When she sees me, she rushes over to us and wraps me in a hug, shoulder bumping Ethan in the process.
“I’m so glad you made it. I was worried my shithead brother would bail and keep you two locked inside his lair.”
“I’m the boss, I kind of have to be here,” he says to her back.
“Well, you never know.” Her voice is defensively high. “I mean, I’ve barely seen Marisa since you two became official.”
In a shocking, not so shocking, turn of events, Elyse both loves and is very annoyed that I’m officially dating her brother.
Before we can continue dwelling on it, she gets pulled away to the kitchen, and Ethan guides us to the bar, where his parents are. The event doesn’t start for another thirty minutes, so the bar is wide open.
“Don’t you look beautiful, sweetie.” Leanne hugs me tightly and fusses with my hair, like I’ve seen her do for her own daughters. The movement makes my breath hitch, and I clear my throat to mask the emotion I let get a little too close to the surface.
“Me? You’re the one who looks beautiful.” As usual, Leanne is absolutely stunning. She has such a graceful presence. I imagine even a paper bag would look glamorous on her.
“Oh, stop.” She waves her hand. “It’s the Spanx,” she says with a wink.
Jack gives me a hug before taking the stool next to Ethan and talking shop, going on about numbers and distribution and projected sales, none of which holds any of my interest.
“Jack, honey, you’re boring me to tears. These young people don’t want to talk business at a party.”
