Witnessing the strongest man I know comfort the boy I used to love is almost too much to bare. Watching them share in their mourning may be one of the few things sharp enough to chip away at the hardened shell I work so hard to maintain. I hate feelings. And most of all, I hatefeelingfeelings, because once you let one in, the rest find your cracks and seep through.
My vision blurs, moisture burning my eyes. I look away before the tears find their way out. Luckily, a few rapid blinks later, and they’re dissolved. I rarely cry, and I’m not about to cry in front of Dominic. His emotions are warranted, he justlost his dad. I don’t deserve to cry over a man I haven’t spoken to since we cut ties.
This day has taken so many unexpected turns, I’m ready to cocoon myself in bed until the universe balances out whatever this is. Because I sure as shit didn’t wake up with jail and death on my bingo card for the day.
“I’ll pay you back,” I tell my dad as we pull out of the parking lot. We have to get my car at the impound lot, across town.
He nods easily, already past his emotional moment with Dominic. An expert at compartmentalizing—I would know since I inherited that useful little skill. “I’m not worried about it. It was only $100.” Chuckling, he shakes his head. “Want to explain to me how you unknowingly had a bench warrant out for your arrest?”
“Apparently I didn’t change my address from my college one, so the jury duty summons went there without me knowing anything about it.”
He exhales deeply before his lips straighten into a thin line, and like a frayed string on an old sweater, the work I put in to turn my parents’ opinion of me from wild teenager to dependable adult, starts to unravel. He’s probably been sitting back and waiting for me to reveal I hadn’t changed at all. My blood turns hot as it pumps through my veins. Years of work, years of proving myself. And for what? So one measly little arrest could undo it all. I’m not sure who I’m even mad at right now. Me? Dominic? Past me? My dad, for his obvious lack of faith in me? The world?
I’m going to go with Dominic because it’s easier to be mad at him. It’s actually better if I’m mad at him because Ican already feel myself sliding back into old patterns and I can’t go there. I refuse. Besides, the asshole arrested me. Asshole.
“Elle did you hear me?”
My dad stares at me like he’s waiting for an answer to a question I clearly wasn’t paying attention to. “I’m sorry, I zoned out. What were you saying?”
“Your mother. You should call her.”
My back presses further into the seat, defeat finally overtaking my last bits of resilience. “You told her!” I blurt out, internally cringing. I’m not trying to sound like a petulant teenager, but the way my voice pitches up says otherwise.
He tosses me a scrunched expression. “We don’t keep secrets. If I didn’t tell her, someone else would have.”
That’s the shitty part about Red Mountain. Big enough to not feel suffocating, small enough that gossip is the town’s number one form of entertainment.
“I’m sure she’s thrilled,” I tell him as I dig through the ziplock bag full of the stuff the jail confiscated from me. My phone is buried at the bottom.
The moment I pick up my phone, the screen lights up with a flood of notifications—texts, missed calls, emails, and more. Among them are half a dozen missed calls from a number I’m certain I’d already blocked. Not wanting to encourage any further contact, I block the number again. Ignoring the mess for now—I’ll deal with it when I get home—I dial my mom.
She picks up after the first ring but stays quiet. Dragged out seconds go by before she speaks. “Oh, Elyse. You’ve had a day, haven’t you?”
The breath I didn’t realize I was holding, releases. I don’t know what to say, I feel foolish. It was a stupid reason to be arrested, but in the end I feel a million times more stupid that I allowed it to happen in the first place. I’morganized, dependable—not someone who lets details like this slide and ends up screwed.
“Sorry, Mom.”
She sighs a resigned, heavy breath, and I can picture the slow shake of her head, the unspoken disappointment flowing through the phone.
“You’re an adult, there’s nothing to apologize for.”
“I’m sure you’re ashamed of me. Embarrassed at the very least.” I’m aware being a Ledger there’s a certain expectation to uphold a good image. As one of the town’s founding families, we’re scrutinized under a much harsher lens.
“Elle, you’re being too hard on yourself. Gossip will make the rounds, as it does, and then next week someone will cheat on their husband or steal mascara from the pharmacy, and you’ll be old news.”
“You think so?” I hate how weak I sound; how childish I feel.
She laughs lightly. “I know so.” My dad gives my shoulder a squeeze, not that he can hear what she’s saying but can probably guess. “Is it true? Ishethe one who arrested you?”
At least she has the decency to pretend she doesn’t already know. I let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, believe me, no one is more shocked than I am.”
The click of her tongue sounds. “He always did have a way of catching your attention.”
“Mom,” I warn. “That’s not what that was.” My cheeks heat in spite of my protest, defensiveness sending my heartbeat thrumming.
“Then what was it?” She’s smiling, I can tell. Since when did my strict parents become so relaxed?
I groan, frustrated that I’ll likely be retelling this story for years to come. “He was doing his job. Dominic and I are nothing. We don’t even know each other anymore. If it wasn’t him, it would’ve been some other cop.”
