“No. I don’t want to go into our room. It is too private. Too intimate a setting. It may alter our perceptions. I will go in and get a room for myself. If you wish, we can talk tomorrow. After we both had time to think things over. We should meet in a public place. Maybe in the dining room or the park.”
He didn’t like this. She was slipping between his fingers. And it shouldn’t matter, but it did. The worst part is he didn’t know how to hold on to her without losing himself in the process.
CHAPTER 25
He could not rememberthe last time he had slept so poorly. Certainly not in recent memory. Which made little sense because he was used to sleeping alone. In his normal life, he didn’t require Elena to lie next to him. What’s the point when he had more than enough space in his house? She “slept” in her own room. He enjoyed having the entire bed to himself. To expand and spread. And yet, sleeping with Kalli had not been uncomfortable. On the contrary. Now that the privilege had been withdrawn, he realized what a boon it had been.
The rhythm of her soft breaths had lulled him to sleep. The weight of her slight body on the mattress had felt comforting. It had to be her energy. He could not attribute it to anything else because they rarely slept tangled in each other’s arms. But he still felt her presence on the other side of the bed, and it gave him a sense of peace. Her energy was soothing, and it allowed him to sleep better.
Tonight, he had tossed and turned, and the few times he had fallen into a restless slumber, he had awoken shortly after. Something was missing. And it wasn’t sex. It was just her.
How had he bungled their entire relationship so badly? He thought they were doing so well. But as always, when it came to human relationships, he was always in the dark. He felt like a blind man stumbling through an obstacle course. And Kalli was always a few steps, or a few kilometers, ahead of him.
Yesterday, after they returned to the hotel and Kalli got herself a room, he had gone out for a walk. He didn’t want to be in the room while she had her things moved. She would have to pack them herself, because they couldn’t risk the hotel personnel seeing their twenty-second century technology. He told himself he was just trying to give her the space and privacy she had requested. But he left because he couldn’t bear to see her packing. He had thought that would be the worst part.
Ha! He had missed her from the moment he had returned to find an empty room, her absence a void he couldn’t fill. And what the hell was going on with him? He never spouted such sentimental nonsense.
The first glimmer of light was tinting the sky over the sooty rooftops of London. He ripped off the covers. Time to end this torturous attempt to sleep. The chilly morning air hit his flesh, and it would be unpleasant under normal circumstances, but now it was only bracing. He walked naked to the adjacent bathing room and turned on the water.
Did the room she had got have a bathing room? He knew there were only a limited number of rooms in the whole hotel that had private bathing chambers and water closets. They were considered a modern convenience and quite a luxury in these times. They had got one of the few and had paid a premium for it. A twinge of guilt hit him as he lowered himself to the warm water. Was she doing without the facilities they were used to? He would have to ask her. If she was, he would offer to swap rooms.
She said they could talk today. He would try to catch her at breakfast. He would be the first one in the main dining room. And would remain there until she came down. Last night, he had to bribe a maid to learn she had ordered dinner in her room. But she had to come out at some point. By now she must be getting cabin fever with her seclusion. He was ready to wait her out. Stalk her, more like it. He wasn’t proud of the behavior, but needs must.
He got out of the tub and dressed. A quick check in the mirror before he left the room told him he looked presentable. Enough to blend in. He had quite got the knack of dressing in nineteenth century fashion if he said so himself.
He hoped he could convince her to come back, but he wasn’t sure. This week was going to be torturous without her. Damn it, he wasn’t used to feeling this uncertain. What did she want from him? Declarations of everlasting love? He didn’t know yet. Whenever he thought about that, something akin to panic squeezed his chest. They weren’t on their normal turf. Once they returned to their normal lives, everything could be different. He just didn’t know.
The dining room was almost empty this early in the morning. Only a man who looked like a prosperous business owner, and a younger man with the look of a professor, occupied the whole cavernous space, so he was able to commandeer a table with a clear view of the entrance. No one would come in or go out without him noticing.
Two hours, several coffees, and an insane amount of food later, Kalli still had not arrived. He motioned to one of the servers.
“I need you to find out if my wife has risen yet and plans to join me for breakfast,” he said, handing him a coin.
“Certainly, sir. Which room is she staying in?”
“I have forgotten the number,” he replied uncomfortably.
