CHAPTER 47
Dariux held his breath, afraid to know the answer, yet desperate for it.
“I don’t know if we should, Dariux.”
He exhaled, his chest deflating, along with his hopes and dreams. Releasing her, he walked to the other side of the room, trying to create some space in the small room. There was no place to pace, so he just braced his hands on the old-fashioned mantelpiece.
She either must not believe him or didn’t love him in return. This was what he feared about human relationships. This was the reason he had been trying to avoid emotions and entanglements his whole life.
He had never felt turmoil like he did at that moment. Anger, frustration, yearning, hopelessness.
“Why? Give me one good reason, damn it.” Above all, his overriding need to understand drove him.
“Because we haven’t even tried to be in a relationship yet! How do we know if it’s going to work out, if we will be able to navigate our differences? Will we still feel the same way some time from now?”
“I don’t know, Kalli!” he snapped, still not turning to look at her. “You are the expert in love. You tell me. All I know is that I had a carefully engineered life that I thought was perfect. I had designed everything to suit my tastes and wants. And now none of that satisfies me anymore.”
He turned to see her stricken face. It did nothing but provoke him further. How dare she make him feel, only to hesitate now?
“Can you explain to me why that is? Why on earth or in heaven would I prefer an imperfect human who challenges me, drives me crazy, and ties me in knots over a parbot designed to please me in every sense? Because I sure as hell don’t know! But that is how I feel. So for the love of all that is good, help me understand.”
She came to him, placed her soft hands on his chest.
“I know love is scary. But I’m not saying no. I’m just saying not yet.”
He grabbed her by the waist, holding her to him. “Not good enough. I need order in my life. I need to restore balance. What game are you playing? You wanted my love? You have it. Now deal with it!”
“You stubborn man!” She struck him in the chest, pushed to make him release her. He didn’t.
“Have you considered that I’m asking you for time for your sake more than mine?” she challenged.
“What do you mean?”
“Not long ago, you were dead set against love and human relationships. Now you have fallen in love. Congratulations! You have just proved that a period of human interaction can cause feelings of closeness and even affection. But how do you know it will last? How do you know you won’t feel differently a month or a year from now? That you will yearn for your robot and your perfectly engineered life?”
“Are we talking about me or you? Maybe you are the one doubting the permanence of your feelings.”
She shook her head, leaning her forehead on his chest. “My feelings for you have not changed. And I don’t foresee they will ever change.”
“Then why doubt mine? You saw my results. I am telling you how I feel. I am here, damn it. What more proof do you want?”
“I don’t know why you’d want me.” Her voice was so low, he didn’t catch her meaning. Surely, he had misunderstood. She could not have uttered such a stupid sentence. She was too smart for that.
