“I am not!” she argues, rising to her feet. “I’m an adultwoman.An entrepreneur with my own company and everything.”
“Sunshine, I don’t care what kind of preneur you are,” I grumble, pulling my gloves back on and continuing to work. “Fact of the matter is, I’m a forty-nine-year-old recluse who you barely know a thing about. I’ve got demons in my closet you couldn’t even fathom, I assure you. Now, I don’t know what you’re expectin’ here, but I get a sense that much like this cabin renovation, you’re shootin’ for something that’swayover your head. I may be doin’ you a kindness helpin’ out here, but don’t for one moment get it in your pretty little head that I’m some kind of good man who’ll stick around to make all of your problems go away. No man livin’ in an isolated place like this is in it for the company. So, don’t go lookin’ at me thinkin’ I want to keep yours.”
“OK,” she says, her voice not much above a whisper, tight with emotion as she looks away from me. “I guess that means it’s just me having a snack then.”Fuck. I hate myself.
As she climbs out of the support beams for the porch, she doesn’t even try to look at me. She just keeps her vision toward her van and heads right over there with her head held high and her emotions in check. But when she steps inside, it’s a different story. I catch sight of the hopeless face crumble as she closes herself inside, and I can’t decide if what I just did was right or wrong. I mean, I thought it was right while I was saying it, but now… Now, the only thing I’m sure of is that I’m a giant asshole. An asshole who most definitely doesn’t deserve that girl. So maybe it was the right thing to do after all…
Millie
The pain in my chest feels unbearable. I’ve never put myself out there like that around a man before now, but there’s just something about Dylan that makes me feel safe and at home—despite his cantankerous growls. I want him to want me the way that I want him. But afterthatverbal slap in the face, I want nothing more than to crawl into a hole. I feel so foolish, and I don’t understand what’s going on. One second there are sparks flying between us, and the next, it’s like I’m a muggle trying to run through the wall to platform 9¾ and I’m slamming into bricks instead.Am I imagining things with him?
Picking up the bag of sunflower seeds I purchased to become the heirloom seeds of my farm, I wipe away my tears on the back of my sleeve and try to focus on happy things. Sliding into the small eating nook in my kitchenette, I place the bag on the table and roll the top sides down so it stands open. As I run my hands through the black-and-white striped seeds, I force my mouth from a wobbly pout into a smile, trying to imagine my finished cabin sitting amidst yards and yards of blooming sunflowers reaching high up to the sun. I can just see it now, a sea of yellow, black and green dominating the landscape. A pang of happiness flows through me as I pick up a handful and hold them tight in my palm, a welcome contrast to the disappointment that filled me only moments before. Sunflowers have the power to do that for me. Which is why I’ve always loved them and always will. There's just something about the way they always look to the sun that brings me joy and gives me hope. In my darkest moments, I never fail to feel buoyed by tiltingmyhead toward the sun and simply feeling its warmth of my skin—metaphorically or otherwise.
After holding my vision for this place in my mind for long enough to keep me calm, I release the seeds from my palm and watch them fall back into the bag. Then I get up from where I sit, take a deep breath and decide that today is as good a day as any to start planting. I’ll leave mister grumpy pants out there to mutter and grumble while he checks for wood rot, while I reconnect with Mother Earth and set up my sunflower plots.
Putting my straw hat on my head, I step out of the camper van with the seed bag under my arm and a renewed spirit. Then I march straight to the little sunflower plot I’ve marked out by the front of the cabin and get to work. When they’re fully grown, I want these flowers to be the first thing people see when they come to my home. Little plants of happiness smiling up at the sky with their big frilly faces. It’s going to look perfect.
“What are you doing?” a deep, gruff voice says from behind me as I poke seeds inside holes some time later.
Covering the seed by scraping the soil over it with the side of my hand, I pat the earth down then turn around. “Planting sunflowers,” I say simply.
Dylan stands with his big arms across his chest. His hands are still gloved, but now his flannel is tied around his waist and his chest is streaked with dirt and sweat. I have no idea why I find that so sexy—especially after the dressing down he gave me earlier—but I can’t help the way my body reacts as my eyes travel over his bare chest and down his washboard abs. It takes every ounce of strength I have remainingnotto drool. Tingles erupt in my core.
“Now?”
"What’s wrong with now?" I frown, quickly taking my eyes away and bringing my attention back to dropping seeds into the ground.
“Forget about it,” he says with a sigh. “I’ll just be careful around this patch so I don’t trample anything.”
“Oh,” I start, feeling a little foolish now that he’s pointed it out. “Do you want me to stop?”
“It’s fine,” he says with a grunt, followed by a moment of silence. “About before…”
“Forget about it,” I say, glancing at him over my shoulder and giving him a slight smile after using his exact words back at him. “I get it. You’re super old.”
“You’re not wrong.” A burst of laughter comes out of him as he relaxes his stance a little, then drops to the sit on the ground not far from me. “I am sorry for being so harsh, though. I could have explained myself better.”
“It’s OK. I’ve never really dated, so I don’t think I understand how to show someone when I’m interested in them. I think I was being too forward.”
“No, sunshine. You weren’t bein’tooforward. Just forward with the wrong man.”
“Because you’re so old?”
He chuckles as he pulls his gloves from his hands and leans back, letting the sun soak hisincrediblebody with her rays. My mouth goes completely dry, and I think I have a little drool at the corner of my mouth when he looks back at me. I quickly look away, but I think he catches me because his smile fades away, his gaze becoming intense. “Because you’re better than me. Better than these woods, better than this kind of life, better than any person I’ve ever met. I want more for you than what I can give.”
“Don’t I get a say in that?”
He grunts then looks away, sitting in silence while I go back to planting seeds and trying to understand why two people who are obviously attracted to each other can’t—or won’t—do anything about it. Dylan is the first man I’ve ever felt an attraction to, and I’m having trouble buying his reason of ‘I’m too good for him’ when I’m supposed to be the one deciding who I do and don’t let into my life. And if I want him in it, and he wants me, then what does age or being better or worse have to do with it? I just don’t understand…
"Why sunflowers?" His gentle, rumbly voice breaks the silence, and I pause again to look at him. When his eyes lock on mine, another jolt of electricity explodes deep within my belly then crackles out into the air between us, so thick with energy that I feel like I could reach out and grab onto its strands.
“They make people happy,” I say, needing to clear my throat to get the words out.
“Do they makeyouhappy?”
"Yes," I start, closing my eyes and imagining the cabin when it’s all finished and nestled in a sea of yellow flowers. I can see myself spending lazy days sitting on the porch, reading a book or working on my art, taking buckets and buckets of inspiration from my surrounds. A small smile forms on my face as I see myself there, book in one hand, mug in the other. But what really strikes me is the fact that in my vision, I’m suddenly pregnant. And a huge, manly hand reaches over and rests upon my belly, a deep rumbly voice in my ears as I look up to meet two gorgeous green eyes...
With a gasp, I open my eyes to find the same green orbs looking back at me with intense curiosity. "You OK there, sunshine?” Dylan asks, his voice sparking something deep within me that’s telling me not to give up on this man. He needs me, just as much as I need him. He just doesn’t know it yet.
