“You’re not going to be alone.”
She gives a strained smile. “That’s kind of the problem. Isn’t it?”
My heart hurts. We’ve broken things so completely between us that the thought of us being there for her is a bad thing. We really fucked up. Now we have to figure out how to fix this mess we’ve created.
13
Harper
I collapseonto the edge of my bed and Arthur kneels down in front of me, his dark eyes filled with concern. My heart’s racing, but I’m just glad I managed to get out of the ballroom without collapsing. The last thing I need to do is appear weak in front of the dragon riders and the king.
“Take deep breaths,” Arthur says, grasping my hands, his eyes still locked on my face.
It’s hard. I try to do what he says, but dragging in breaths is like breathing in shards of broken glass. “I feel– I feel like everything is just kind of hitting me at once, and I might be breaking into pieces,” I say through panicked breaths.
“You’re okay,” he reassures me. “You’re going to be okay.”
“The princes hate me. They’re complete assholes. They’ve gone out of their way to make sure I know how much they don’t like me and don’t respect me. How can I possibly marry them? How can I be in a marriage with people who hate me?”
“I know–”
“And they’re princes. They’re right. I’m just a commoner. A healer. A nobody. I can’t marry royalty. I can’t become a princess or a queen one day. I can’t rule over our nation. I still get crabby when I miss breakfast. I can’t be responsible for anyone.”
“They’re not any better than you.”
“And I’m supposed to marry a Hollowborn? AHollowborn! Yes, the one I met was kind of nice, handsome in a weird way, and he kissed me, but they’re our enemies for a reason. I’ve heard countless stories about them. They kill for fun. They carve out the hearts of their enemies and eat them. They don’t spare women and children. I just–I can’tmarryone of them. I can’t do it.”
Arthur sits up taller on his knees and cups my face in his hands as I pant like I’ve just run a race. “You’re Harper Nightborne. A healer. The only daughter in a house full of boys. You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met. You’re tougher than the most grizzled old man. If there’s something you need to do, you’re going to do it. Your own way. Without anyone controlling you or putting you in a position you don’t want to be in.”
“If the king says I have to marry them, I have to marry them.”
His eyes are gentle. “That doesn’t mean all hope is lost. Do you remember how, in school, you used to have to sit in the corner all the time for talking too much?”
I nod, feeling light headed.
“Remember how you spent the whole time carving into the wall? Mrs. Lizza thought you were learning a lesson, but you were just making another statement. She could try to punish you, but you weren’t going to just sit there and take it.”
I meet his gaze. “I did do that.”
“And remember when your brothers used to try to ruin your clothes with mud, and that somehow ended in them wearing dresses? The gods only know how you managed to pull that off.”
“It wasn’t hard. They were a little scared of me,” I say, my breaths coming in and out more evenly.
Arthur releases my face and grins at me. “You might have to get married, but it doesn’t mean you have to be someone’s quiet, tame little wife. It doesn’t mean that they can be cruel to you or hurt you. If you put your mind to it, I’m sure you’ll have them eating out of your hands.”
I take a deep, shaky breath and lay back on the bed. He rises and then lays down beside me. We both stare up at the ceiling, lying like we used to do when we were kids.
“You’re really not worried about me marrying a Hollowborn?” I ask.
“Is it weird that I’m worried about the Hollowborn?” he jokes.
I laugh, which is nice. I kind of felt like I would never laugh again. All of this feels like things that are happeningtome. Like I have no control over any of it. And it’s scary.
“Do you think the princes could ever be… kinder? Do you think they could learn to be less nasty?”
“Honestly?” He takes a long minute to answer. “I think that it’s going to turn out okay. They’re already obsessed with you. Like, scary jealous ex-lover obsessed with you, so you’ve already won that battle. But I think it’s more than obsession. They watch you in a way that tells me that there’s something deeper between you. Maybe all of you just need a chance to explore that.”
I groan. “Arthur, this is just so much.”
