Felix didn’t allow himself to fall apart for long, though. It wasn’t like he had anything to fall apartabout,he reminded himself. There had been a conversation, that was all. And he’d been the one who’d been stupid enough to start it, instead of just leaving well enough alone. But nothing had really changed between them, and nothinghadto change between them—as long as Felix was careful never to mention anything about princesses or marriage or feelings ever again.
He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and saddled Shadow, tensing at the last lingering ache as he mounted. As soon as he was seated, he felt peace flowing through his veins, so he considered the throb in his arse worth it—just like after a good fucking.
Maybe a good fucking was what he needed, he mused as he walked Shadow gently out along the trail that ran though the meadow. Maybe what he thought was emotion was just frustration, and a decent orgasm would take the edge off.
Hewouldgo and see Leo tonight, and he’d let Leo fuss over all his tender spots, and then they’d make some variety of love. Afterwards he might even stay the night, just to let Leo know that things were fine between them, and with any luck, Leo would forget they were meant to be talking at all.
Decision made, Felix turned his attention to enjoying his ride. Shadow ambled along the path, taking advantage of the slower pace to nibble at the shrubs they passed. Felix let himself slouch and be carried along, reins loose between his fingertips as he tipped his head back and soaked up the sun on his face and savoured the soft tendrils of breeze that played around the base of his neck.
By the time he’d ridden out past the grove, his muscles ached from the unaccustomed exercise, and there were the lingering remnants of discomfort from his injuries, but he ignored them. For the first time in eight days, he was outside, alone, and truly relaxed. Being able to close his eyes and lose himself in thought as Shadow ambled along was a balm to his soul, and he felt peace settle over him.
Which was why the blow to the back of his skull came as such a shock.
ChapterFourteen
Leo wanted nothing more than to chase after Felix, take him in his arms, and promise him the world, but he wasn’t a fool. Felix was right, and Leohatedthat he was right. But the fact remained that the day was coming when Leo would need to produce an heir, and Leo would struggle to find someone willing to bear his child while still allowing him to carry on a relationship with his groom.
Because what they hadwasa relationship.
Leo hadn’t intended it to be anything more than a mutually satisfying arrangement, truly. But Felix, with his irreverent attitude, quick wit, clever mind, and easy smile, had somehow become so much more than a dalliance, and now Leo found his thoughts filled with the boy.
Giving him up was unthinkable.
A lump in his throat made it hard to swallow as he took in the empty bed and the empty room, but he breathed slow and deep until he had some semblance of control.
If he was honest, the pragmatic part of him wasgladthat Felix had stopped him before he’d said something stupid. Confessing his feelings would only have destroyed any chance of them carrying on as they were. And maybe it was selfish, but if what they had now was all Leo could have, he’d take it, even if that meant pretending that what happened between them was nothing more than fun and fuckery.
Now wasn’t the time to get emotional. Leo shouldn’t even have been here in the first place. He should have been preparing for Sophia’s visit. But he’d missed Felix fiercely, and, knowing the next few days would be far too busy for any kind of meaningful contact, had whined and wheedled at Mattias for “just a quarter hour visit, Matty, it’s been days,”until Mattias had rolled his eyes and given in.
There was a knock on the door and Mattias poked his head inside. “I saw Flick leaving. Is everything all right?”
Leo forced a smile onto his face. “Everything’s fine. He assures me he’s recovered and he’s desperate for fresh air, so he’s decided to go riding.”
Mattias raised one eyebrow in silent disbelief. Leo didn’t rise to the bait, unwilling to share the details of their conversation while the hurt still felt so raw. Instead, he ran a hand through his hair, huffed out a breath and, in a blatant attempt to change the subject, said, “When are we expecting the princess?”
Something in Leo’s expression must have told Mattias to leave well enough alone, because he didn’t pursue the matter and instead said, “Within the hour. You’ll be spending the afternoon with her going over some of those border territories that King Andros would like to acquire.”
The land in question had a topography that made it impractical for anyone who wasn’t three-fourths mountain goat to live there, but the soil was rich and fertile and it would make excellent farmland, which was why the king of Evergreen was keen to claim it.
“You’re joining us, of course?”
“Of course.” Mattias rapped his knuckles against the door frame. “Come on. We have time to go over the details one more time before the entourage arrives.”
“Right. Of course.” Leo strode out of the room and followed Mattias to his offices, all the while reminding himself that now wasn’t the time to worry about whether Felix was upset with him. He had a kingdom to rule and a treaty to broker.
It was just that right now, neither of those things seemed very important.
* * *
The princess arrived with a much smaller entourage than previously—only one lady’s maid and half a dozen guards—and there was a lot less pomp and ceremony surrounding this visit. Leo was glad of it. Even though the attempt on his life hadn’t been repeated, he wasn’t sure he wanted to welcome dozens of strangers into his court.
He had no such qualms about Sophia, however. She’d proved herself trustworthy by keeping her knowledge of his affair with Felix quiet. She would have been quite within her rights to depart in a flurry of scandal and demand the land she wanted as reparation for the insult to her character. Instead, she’d kept her peace, and for that Leo was eternally grateful.
He greeted her warmly, and once the pleasantries were out of the way and she’d partaken of a light luncheon and refreshed herself, they met in his office. Along with Mattias, they pored over maps of the territory in question as they entered the first stages of negotiation.
But Leo found himself unable to concentrate, his mind circling back to Felix. Would he keep his word and come to Leo’s rooms tonight? Or would he think better of it?
Leo wouldn’t blame him if he decided not to come, not after the way they’d left things. But it still hurt to even think of Felix rejecting him, and when Leo replayed their conversation over in his head, he wasn’t sure which part of it he regretted more—the bit where he’d implied he’d let his cousin inherit the throne, or the part where he’d failed to stand by his offer.
