Because he’d realised, in those few stark moments, that if hediddie, his one regret would be never getting to tell Leo how he felt.
This wasn’t just a fling anymore, not for him. Felix wasn’t stupid, and he knew that he and Leo could never amount to anything, but he needed tosayit, just once.
He needed to tell Leo that he loved him.
ChapterSixteen
Leo paced the length of the rug in his office. Then he paced it again.
It had been hours since the rescue party had left, and now the first soft streaks of pink were creeping across the summer sky and ushering in the end of the day, and theystillweren’t back.
Whoever had first said no news was good news had been a damned liar, because the longer Leo didn’t hear anything, the more he was convinced that the worst had happened, and the waiting and worrying had him almost vibrating out of his skin. He was frankly terrified of what Stephan had planned for Felix, and with every minute that passed, he felt hope slipping away as the prospect of Felix coming to real harm loomed larger.
He circled around to the window that overlooked the courtyard and stared into the distance looking for any signs of movement before running a hand through his hair and flinging the door open.
The guard posted to his door, a giant bear of a man, stepped in front of the open doorway.
“Can I assist Your Majesty?”
“I wish to go to the stables,” Leo said, jutting his chin out. “I’m going to look for them.”
The guard, Thomas, stayed blocking Leo’s exit, arms folded over his big, barrelled chest. “I’m afraid the chancellor’s instructions were clear, Your Majesty,” he said calmly. “You’re to remain within the castle.”
“Do as I say! I am theking,” Leo snapped.
“Of course, Your Majesty, which is why you must be protected at all costs,” Thomas said, unmoving.
Leo’s shoulders sagged and he ran a hand through his hair again. He changed tactics, putting on his most crestfallen expression. “Are yousureI can’t ride out just a few miles?” he wheedled. “It’s been anagesince they left, so they’re probably almost back. I wouldn’t be putting myself in danger just going to meet them.”
“I’m sorry, sire,” Thomas said, “but I was given specific instructions by the chancellor, the captain of the guard,andthe Princess of Evergreen, and they all said you weren’t to ride anywhere. It’s more than my job’s worth.” He set his hands behind his back and spread his legs wide in a resting position that indicated he planned to stay right there in Leo’s doorway like a giant inconvenient roadblock, and Leo knew he wouldn’t be getting past the man any time soon.
Leo harrumphed and swung the door shut, and he could have sworn he saw a hint of amusement on the man’s face before the door slammed on him.
Damn Mattias and his overprotectiveness, and damn Janus Hobson as well for agreeing with him. This was the third time in as many hours that Leo had attempted to ride out, and Thomas had been just as implacable in his refusal this last time as he had been the first two—which was probably why Mattias had chosen him.
Leo wasn’t sure which rankled more—that Mattias had assumed Leo would need supervision, or the fact that he wasright.
Because while Leoknewit was only sensible for him to stay behind rather than risk his safety, that didn’t lessen the temptation to saddle up Blackbird and set out on his own. It was doubtless why Thomas had been charged with preventing him from doing that very thing.
But he couldn’t be expected to just wait around, surely? Not when Felix had beenkidnapped?
He groaned and ran a hand down his face, then opened the door again. “Apologies, Thomas.”
Thomas dipped his head. “No apology needed, sire.”
“No.” Leo sighed. “I’m impatient, that’s all.”
“I hadn’t noticed,” Thomas said, straight-faced, and Leo made a mental note to arrange for him to get some sort of bonus, while wondering who it was that was responsible for hiring staff with attitude.
Mattias, probably.
He left the door open just so he didn’t feel so entombed, and went back to staring out the window and worrying.
The fact he and Felix had parted on bad terms didn’t help. Leo deeply regretted now that he hadn’t told Felix how he felt, even if Felix hadn’t been able to say it back. The thought that he might not get another chance, and that Felix might die without knowing that Leo loved him, was unbearable.
Because Leodidlove his groom. It was indisputable. And yes, it was messy and unconventional and inconvenient, and Leo wasn’t sure what it meant in practical terms, but he found he didn’t really care.
He only knew that Felix was everything he’d ever wanted, and he’d do anything to keep him.
