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"Do we have to do this now?"
"Yes. Yes, we do. Apart from me and your folks, your closest relationships are with food deliverymen and the UPS guy. You live your life like you're in a goddamn bubble and it needs to stop," she insisted. "You're going to end up like one of those crazy cat ladies with your apartment smelling of piss and regret."
"You don't think you're being a little dramatic here?"
She harrumphed. "I'm not the one buying birthday cards for my pizza delivery guy."
"One time. Once. And I was trying to be nice."
"Oh yeah? How's he doing?"
"He and his girlfriend got engaged just before I left, actually." I smiled. "Gorgeous ring."
"I rest my case."
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."
"Normal folk are not this involved in the lives of their takeout deliverymen," she declared. "That's why I pushed you into going. At least Idaho is outside of your apartment."
"Since when did we ever care about normal?"
"Maybe it's time to start."
Deep breaths. That's what was required. Deep steadying breaths so as not to lose my cool.
"Look, I get it," she said. "God, do I get it. It's incredibly hard to take that leap and actually trust someone, knowing that you could get hurt. But we can't hide away for the rest of our lives just because we went through some shit in our younger years. Liam taught me that. Well, him and eight years of therapy. I take it you're still down on the idea of talking to someone about what happened?"
"Val." Memories of blood filled my mind. So much blood. A whole bathroom painted in the stuff. I gagged, my imagination more than happy to provide a lovely flashback of the nauseating metallic scent. "It happened to you, not to me. I don't need fixing."
"Bullshit."
"I can't do this right now."
"We need to talk about it."
Knocking at the door. Perfect timing.
"I've got to go, that'll be him," I said.
"Do not hang up on me."
"I have to go."
"Alexandra Marie Parks, don't you dare--"
"I love you. Say hi to Liam for me. Bye." And click. Call ended. Phew.
More knocking at the door.
The day had barely started and I was already over people. I opened it, trying for a polite smile for Joe. It felt closer to a grimace, however. Once I saw him, though, all of the tiredness and yuck in me lightened. Must have been some kind of beard magic. "Hi."
"Hey." Hands in pockets, he just looked at me. Nil expression on his face. "What's going on?"
"Nothing much."
Neither of us moved.
"Really? 'Cause you're looking a little strung out," he said, tipping his head to one side. "Aren't you the 'honesty means everything' girl or have I got the wrong room again?"
I raised my chin. "All right. Do you want to know the terrible truth?"
"Hit me."
"I'm a basket case," I confessed. "A total head job. Might have forgotten to tell you that salient detail in the emails. But I am. A total weirdo nutter with more issues than I can count. Including avoiding having a real live normal sort of relationship with a man. To my mind, romantic relationships and commitment are the black plague. In case you hadn't already guessed."
"Seems like no one has it easy these days. Everyone's got their problems." He didn't even blink. "I haven't dated anyone seriously in years, not since things went to shit with my first girlfriend. We were together a long time and I thought it was for keeps, but ... things change. Only it took me a long time to change with them. Then, later on, I lied to a woman on the Internet, pretended to be my pussy magnet brother just to get her attention because I thought she was funny and nice and I wanted to keep talking to her. Fuck knows what a shrink would make of that."
I smiled despite myself. "Funny and nice, huh?"
"And pretty. Real damn pretty."
God help me, I was blushing.
"Also, I keep playing family peacekeeper trying to make everyone happy," he said. "It's not working."
"Interesting," I said, leaning a hip against the door. "You try to please people while I just want to avoid them."
Dark eyes assessed me.
"Or at least that's what Valerie said my problem was."
"You think she's right?" he asked.
I shrugged, studied the carpet. "She's spent a lot of time in therapy, so she usually is."
"Hmm. I'm not sure those two qualities necessarily go together."
"He's not handsomer than you." I creased up my face. "Just, you know ... by the way."
Joe said nothing. There did seem to be a certain light in his eyes, though.
"He's not. So don't think that," I said in a rush. "It's like comparing pizza to Chinese takeout; they're both great in their own way, you know?"
"You're comparing me to takeout?" A little wrinkle appeared between his brows.
"Definitely not. You're the pizza in this metaphor."
A blink. "Okay."
"Gourmet, thin crust. We're talking top quality here."
He nodded. "I can live with that."
"Anyway. You coming in or not?"
"Yes, ma'am," he said, maneuvering past me into the room. "We heading to the airport today or what?"
"Meh." I shut the door, putting my cell on the table, and turned to check out the view across the lake. Blue shimmering water and a pristine clear sky. This crazy insane urge inside of me, wanting to know what would happen next. What if I stayed and ... just what-if in general. Screw it. I let my mouth do what it would. "But the weather's so nice."
"Yeah," he said carefully. "It is."
The tension in the room, I could have cut it and served it as cake. Shitty cake, but just the same. My hands twisted at my sides. "Seems a pity to waste it sitting in an airport lounge just waiting around."
A small hopeful smile curved his lips. "That would suck."
"And what's another day or so, right
?"
He shrugged. "Fine with me."
My phone started ringing. "Just let me grab a quick shower."
"Not going to take that call?" Joe made himself at home in the comfy chair, crossing his legs with his ankle resting on one knee, the way guys did.
"It's Valerie calling to try and deep-and-meaningful me some more. I'm just not up to it right now."
"Ah." He eyed the buzzing phone warily while I gathered a clean set of clothes.
"Feel free to answer it if you like," I joked.
The man did not laugh.
Today's options were jeans or tights and a skirt. I had good legs. A big butt, but good legs. Black tights and a matching skirt, done. A somewhat fancy red bohemian blouse with cool embroidery for the top half. Sometimes a girl just wants to dress up a little. Feel pretty. No biggie.
"Won't be long." I headed for the bathroom.
He pulled out his phone and relaxed back in the chair, just hanging. "No worries. Take your time."
*
Tools sat in the first large storeroom that was one of the studio apartment options. It sat above an empty shop, on the other end of the building from the Dive Bar. If Joe did wind up living there, he could just about make as much noise as he wanted.
A partition sat in the middle of the room, turning it into two offices, maybe. The little bathroom was a mold-and spider-infested ruin.
"Galley kitchen would work well," mumbled Andre. He, Joe, and Pat were gathered around my laptop, looking over the designs.
"Definitely conserve space." Joe pulled a rubber band out of his jeans pocket and proceeded to pull his hair back and put it into a ponytail. "I think the walk-in shower's a good idea too. Keep things nice and streamlined. Minimum fuss. Nothing I can't handle."
"Okay," said Andre.
Pat seemed less scary today. Just sad. Contained, I guess. He didn't say or smile much. From the brief chat I'd had with Nell, and the mega-fast walk through of her kitchen the night before, I couldn't imagine the two of them together. She came across as so bright and bubbly.
I moseyed on over to the collection of tools, just checking things out. A battered red toolbox sat open, displaying a wide array of goods. Atop a notebook sat a laser meter and measuring tape. A rubber-headed mallet and a saw. Ooh, a sledgehammer.
The men folk were still busy, discussing the designs ... what the hell?
Quiet as I could, I picked up the sledgehammer. Gave the heavy bastard a swing or two back and forth. Wonder what it would be like to send it slamming into something. To crash it into a sheet of plasterboard.
