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"I'm sorry," he said again as if that fixed anything. Then he opened the door, walked through it, and pulled it closed. All without looking back at me once. He was gone.
I'd walked out on a lot of men. I'd also been walked out on by a lot of men. This, however, was the first time it'd ever mattered. If this was what it felt like to have your heart broken, it sucked.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Like hell.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Awkward didn't cover how it felt walking into Dive Bar the next day, having been dumped by one of their favorite sons. Val may have had to nudge me through the door when I stalled at the entrance. Bravery and I weren't well acquainted. Maybe I'd be in luck and discover he hadn't told anyone yet. Either way, I had to get an idea of where things stood.
Midmorning, the restaurant was quiet. Only a couple of people sat nursing coffee and cake. Despite my skulking, Lydia noticed me immediately.
"Hey." Her smile gentled, her eyes filled with empathy. Never had anyone looked quite so sad on my behalf. Lydia really was a sweetheart. "How are you, Alex?"
So, everyone knew.
"Hi, Lydia. I'm fine," I said through a twitchy grin. "This is my friend Valerie."
Val lifted a hand in greeting.
"How is Nell?" I asked.
At this, Lydia's smile strengthened. "She's at Pat's place, she'll be off for a couple of weeks at least. It looks like she and Pat are back together. Losing the baby is horrible, but it's nice that something good has come out of this."
"Yeah."
"Does that sound awful? It's hard to know what to say at times like this." She worried at her short black apron, turning to glance at Vaughan busily setting up behind the bar. "And you and Joe were banged up pretty badly too."
"No, it doesn't sound awful. And I'm on the mend. Val has concealer and knows how to use it, so..."
"Good. That's good." She sighed. "Eric took off. No one knows where to."
"Crap." No wonder Joe was stressed out and taking on everything himself. I looked around the room, as if I were seeing it for the last time. The dark brickwork, the mix of industrial and old style blending so beautifully. The man had made the place perfect and yet avoided any of the credit. I took a deep breath. "Is Joe here?"
Hesitation hit her, her eyes straying upward. "Um..."
"Could I get a coffee?" Val smiled, smoothly stepping in to distract her, and earning herself another nomination for best friend of the year. "And Alex tells me you have the best brownies in town. You gotta hit me with one of those."
Lydia laughed, letting herself be swept toward the counter.
Meanwhile, I headed through the kitchen toward the back of the building. The same route Joe and I had taken the infamous night of the red candles, heart-shaped pizza, and horrible music. Boyd and the kitchen kid were busy prepping for lunch. Neither paid me any attention. Out the back door and up the stairs I went. The pounding of a hammer echoed through the upstairs hallway. When it paused, exuberant swearing took its place.
Joe stood in the last room, trying to beat a piece of pine into submission. Unfortunately, while his good hand had the hammer under control, his broken hand obviously made holding the wood in place impossible.
I slipped in beside him, holding the beam steady. Neither of us said anything, but the tension radiating from him almost rattled my teeth. A moment later, the thudding of the hammer started up once again, the wood vibrating beneath my fingers.
"What are you doing here?" he growled, tone low and fierce.
"Helping."
Out of the corner of my eye, his chest rose and fell beneath an old Violent Femmes T-shirt. "I told you to go home."
"I remember."
"And?"
"If you want to end it with me, that's your choice. I can't stop you. But that doesn't change the fact that we're still friends." I dared a look at his face. His eyes were distinctly unamused. Sucked to be him. "And a friend would stay and help, Joe."
He shoved the hammer back into a loop on his tool belt and stared down at me, hands on his hips. "I don't need help."
"Bullshit. What are we doing next?"
"I'm serious."
"Me too." I crossed my arms. "What next?"
With another growl, he shoved his good hand through his hair, pushing it back off his face. My, but the man was agitated. Way cranky, not so cute.
"Would you like me to tie back your hair for you?" I asked. "Put it in a ponytail?"
Teeth gritted, he leaned back against a wall. "Why are you doing this? We've got no future. Never did."
"Okay."
"I don't want you here."
"Duly noted."
He turned and kicked the wall, leaving an almighty hole. The man was going all-out toddler tantrum. "Fuck! Just go, why don't you?"
"No." And yes, his continued rejection stung like a bitch, but this wasn't about me or my pain. "Rant all you like, I'm not doing that, Joe. I'm not leaving you to deal with this alone. Everyone here is hurt and grieving, they're either busy or they're gone. I don't see anyone having your back, and to me that is unacceptable."
Breath coming out hard and fast, he hung his head.
"I'm staying, deal with it." I dusted off my hands. "I'll go grab some more drywall so we can patch that hole."
He didn't say anything, but then, I didn't need him to. He'd stopped arguing and that was enough.
*
Due to his truck being smashed, Joe had Pat's smaller version of the same on loan. Guess Pat had his bike or Nell's hatchback if he needed to get the two of them around. Only problem was, Pat's truck wasn't an automatic.
"You're not meant to be using your hand," I said, holding my palm out, waiting for the keys, after we'd finished work for the day. "I'll drive you."
His forehead furrowed. "I'm fine with it."
"If you don't rest it, the cast stays on longer," I said. "You heard the doctor. Given you're already ignoring him to a large extent, I think every other thing we can do to cut down on usage needs to count."
The more time I'd spent with him today, the more I realized what an utter bitch it was to have five digits out of action. Especially with him being an especially handy man and all. But also, Joe Collins was a big baby when it came to being sick and/or damaged. He simply did not deal well with limitations.
More growling and grumbling. "Fuck's sake, Alex. You going to spoon-feed me and wash my balls for me too?"
"If you ask nicely." I smiled. He didn't. At least I found me funny.
"Christ." For not the first time, he looked to heaven for help. Shit out of luck there.
Across the horizon the sun was setting, the first star twinkling down over the mountains. Despite the cranky man, it was peaceful here. I don't know that I'd actually had a lot of peace in my life. Plenty of drama and neurosis, but not much peace. Coeur d'Alene had a lot going for it. The nightlife didn't compare to Seattle's, but still ... the slower pace and the people made up for that. The beauty of the place. I loved this time of day, always had. I also loved the fact that I'd helped lighten Joe's load a little, which made all of my various aches and pains worthwhile. Whether he liked it or not, retreating into himself, dwelling on the accident all on his lonesome, was not for the best.
An icy wind ruffled my hair, teasing strands out of my ponytail. God only knew what I looked like. Dusty, dirty, and all the rest.
"Look, you were right about me working on the apartments," he said in much the tone of one making a great and valiant sacrifice. Such reasonableness in the face of my overwhelming lunacy, bless him. "I did get more done with you there today. And I'm sorry for acting like such an asshole. I just think it's time we stop fooling ourselves, and it's better that we finish this thing off sooner rather than later."
His words cut me to the core, but it's not like he was saying anything I hadn't thought a thousand times before.
"I get that," I said in my best Little Miss Fucking Sunshine voice. "But I'm here, and the least I can do is help you as
a friend."
*
"You got Val here to hang with." His tone softened to something more sweet and coaxing. "There's nothing you need to worry about, okay? All I'm going to do is go home, get cleaned up."
I nodded. "And then come straight back in to work behind the bar. Am I right?"
Ooh, I was so right. Angry little lines radiated out from the corners of his eyes. He was not a happy bearded boy.
"Please," I scoffed. "You're no more likely to leave Vaughan dealing with everything on his own than I would you. That's the thing with friends."
Growly malcontent noises had definitely replaced the grunt as his standby means of manly communication.
"Luckily, I brought a change of clothes with me. I haven't done any hospitality work before, so this should be interesting. Also, Val is quite capable of entertaining herself." Though I had kind of been expecting her to show up to help with the carpentry work at some stage today. On the other hand, who was I to complain about time spent alone with Joe? I clicked my fingers impatiently and held out my hand. "Let's go. Times a' wasting."
"You're being ridiculous, Alex." He threw me the keys, stomping his way around to the driver's side of the car. "Fucking ridiculous."
Turned out he was lying about letting me clean his private parts. Too bad. A tongue bath might have improved his mood immensely.
We pulled up outside a duplex, every light on.
"I thought Eric had gone out of town," I said, grabbing my bag with extra clothes in it, black jeans and a shirt.
"Ah, yeah. Listen--"
"Joe?" Star stood in the now open doorway, wet hair hanging down her back and a seriously short silk robe wrapped around her. Like I needed to see that much of the woman's perfect slender thighs.
Joe swallowed hard. "Ah, Star, this is Alex. Alex, this is Star. You didn't get to meet each other properly at the hospital."
She was staying with him. Living in his house. Fuck me. No wonder the bastard wanted me gone. Not slaying him right then and there took some real effort.
"Hi." I put on my best smile, moving forward to shake her hand. "Lovely to meet you."
