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Still, the words stung. As if doing my best for Jean and Ada would mean getting out of their lives. My stomach clenched with anger at the insinuation. Not sure if I was angry because it was false, or because of the possibility it might be true. "You know, I get that eventually you're old enough to figure out that your folks aren't infallible. They're just people too, they make mistakes," I said. "But some parents just don't seem to learn."
Nell and Lydia frowned in unison, but before they could fashion their frowns into awkward questions, Jean appeared at my side.
"Hey," she said, but her smile dimmed at the look on my face. "Eric, you okay?"
"I'm fine, sweetheart," I murmured, kissing the side of her head.
"You don't look fine. You look angry," she said. "What's going on?"
"Did you have a nice lunch?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation elsewhere. Anywhere. Just the thought of her leaving set me into a spin. I could hardly get my head around the possibility. Her apartment empty. She and Ada living their lives away from me, and on the other side of the country. It was all impossible, stupid nonsense. I slipped my hand around the back of her neck, rubbing the tense muscles there. Touching her because I needed the connection.
And why the hell not? Everyone knew stuff was happening between us. If I wanted to whisper sweet nothings and kiss her in public, then I damn well would. The original agreement might have been friends who fucked, but things had developed since then. Or at least, I thought they had. And it wasn't like Jean was complaining about the open affection.
"Shit," she mumbled, a guilty look immediately going to Ada. "My parents asked you to talk to me about Florida, didn't they?"
I nodded, but my heart sank in my chest at her words. She had known about this. And she hadn't told me.
"They've been pushing for me to move back since we started talking again."
And I'd had no idea. Just like that, the panic surged again, my heart hammering. Maybe I should get checked out by a doctor. "You never said anything."
There were so many things she could have said right then. Like that she had told them the idea was nonsense. That she had a life here. But Jean just sort of shrugged.
"And I'm going to go clear that table," said Lydia, disappearing.
"Damn," muttered Jean. "I'm sorry they tried to drag you into this. They can be a little overwhelming when they get an idea in their heads sometimes."
"Just a little," I muttered. "But is moving back something you've been seriously thinking about?"
"They want you to move back home?" asked Nell, eyes wide.
"Her home is here," I said, reaching for the baby. The fact that Nell handed Ada over without a fuss just went to show her surprise. "They want her to move away."
Jean sighed, saying nothing. Her expression was impossible to read. She was pissed off that her parents had broached it with me, but beneath that I couldn't gauge her thinking.
On a rational level, I could get my head around the idea that she might want to move back to Florida. I mean, she'd spent her whole life there. Obviously it was what she knew best and was probably comfortable with. But she'd gone to a hell of a lot of trouble to start over in Coeur d'Alene. Just the thought of her leaving gave me heart palpitations, made me break out in a cold sweat. The thought of losing her and Ada both. Fuck. We'd barely gotten started and it might all be over. To go back to the way things were, being alone, not having Jean in my life, not seeing Ada every day.
"I should get to the, um, kitchen." Nell's words were slow. Maybe it went against the grain for her to realize that Jean and I had stuff to talk about without her. "To do the, um, thing." Forehead furrowed, she gave Jean and me a somewhat confused look before disappearing back into the kitchen. Seemed she and Jean still had some making up to do after the party at Mal's. But while Nell might not like the state of play between her friend and me, my care factor remained low to nonexistent. Jesus. Relationships were complicated enough without bringing friends and families into it all. Most days, I was too busy trying to figure out what I could do to help Jean to have time to worry about everyone else's delicate little feelings. Especially when it came to shit that was honestly none of their concern.
But now that Jean and I were sort of alone ...
"How do you feel about moving back to Florida?" I asked. "That's the question."
Her hesitation felt like a fist to the gut. "I don't know. Even after everything, I do miss them. People make mistakes, right?"
"Sure. But I thought you were happy here?"
She said nothing.
"Jean, sweetheart?"
Beautiful eyes looked my way. "Eric ... let's talk about it later. I need to get Mom and Dad to the airport."
"Right."
She took Ada.
"Dive safe, okay?"
"Will do." A fleeting smile curved her lips, there and gone in an instant.
It didn't help the sudden horrible feeling she might be slipping away from me.
*
When I went to talk to her that night, everything was silent. A towel hanging over the doorknob signaled all lines of communication were closed. I had the worst fucking feeling she was avoiding me.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The moment Jean opened the door, I sprang into action. "Mom, this is Jean. Jean, this my mom, Audrey. She wanted to meet Ada. Now's a good time, right?"
"Hi." Jean put a hand to her bed hair, trying to smooth the tangled nest out. "Ah..."
After shooting me a perplexed look, Mom attempted a smile. "Nice to meet you!"
I didn't drag Mom down the hallway because how rude. But I did steer her inside the apartment and straight over to where Ada was lying on her blanket, whaling on the plastic turtle as per usual.
"See, Mom?" I asked. "Here she is. Isn't she gorgeous?"
"She's beautiful."
"Sit down there beside her," I directed. "You two should spend some time together. I bet you'll get along great."
Mom's gaze went from me to Jean and back again. "Honey..."
"This is cool with you, right, Jean?"
The woman opened her mouth to answer, but it took a while for the words to start flowing. "Of, um, course. How lovely to meet you, Audrey."
"I'll get some coffee going," I said, wandering over to the kitchen. "You having sugar or not today, sweetheart?"
Jean just gave me a weird look. Guess she was still waking up.
"Some days she doesn't have it, 'cause she worries about the weight she put on when she was pregnant," I told Mom, shaking my head. "Crazy, right? She looks great. Doesn't she look great?"
"You look wonderful, dear." Mom held the tip of her tongue between her teeth. Something she often did when she was thinking. "Eric, you said Jean knew we were visiting this morning."
"I did?" I asked, sorting out the coffeepot.
"You did."
"Right, I meant to say that I was going to check, but that last night she had this towel signal out so--"
"Its fine," said Jean, her smile steadier now. More awake.
God, she was gorgeous. I couldn't resist stealing a quick kiss off of her.
"Morning-breath alert," she mumbled.
"I don't care." I grinned. "You know what those hedgehog pajamas do to me."
Mom cleared her throat. "Jean, I'm terribly sorry about this. And Eric, honey, it's really not right to descend on people at eight in the morning without warning them first. I thought I raised you a little better than that."
"But you've been dying to hang out with the baby."
"Even so," said Mom, kneeling beside Ada's play mat. "I hope you don't mind, Jean, if I quickly say hello to her?"
"You're very welcome to stay for coffee, Audrey," said Jean. "It's lovely to meet you."
"See?" I said, not that I'm sure anyone was listening to me right then. "Everything's fine."
Jean grabbed my arm. "Let's make coffee, Eric."
"Sure thing."
"What's going on?" she asked in a lower voice while Mom got c
hatting with Ada. It was a mostly one-sided conversation, but Mom didn't seem to mind.
"Well," I said. "I was reading in the baby book last night about how important multigenerational influences can be for creating a stable and secure environment for children to grow in. You seemed worried about your parents living so far away and everything. Them not being able to have the kind of close relationship you had with your grandma. So I thought ... we need to get Ada and Mom together."
"You thought all of that, huh?"
"I did." I smiled. "You should see what Mom's like every time I go over there. It's always, 'Show me pictures of the baby.' I'm pretty sure she doesn't give a damn about me at all anymore. Ever since Ada was born, it's all about her. Honestly, I feel a little neglected."
Jean relaxed, the line between her brows fading. "I think it's lovely she wanted to meet her. But eight in the morning?"
"Too early?"
"Just a little," she said. "And you couldn't give me any warning?"
"You had the towel on the door last night so I didn't want to disturb you."
