“What about now?” she asks softly.
I look away, my fingers twitching against hers.
“Now…” I exhale slowly, the word getting lost in the night air. “I don’t know. I came on tour with you because I was angry and wanted to say my piece. Maybe take some of my past back. But my dad said something before I left that I can’t stop thinking about.”
“What was that?”
“‘When are you going to stop chasing the past and start making yourself a future?’”
“Wow.” Lou breathes slowly. “In a weird way, I get that. I feel like I’m running from my momma’s past sometimes, like if I stop for too long, her choices will catch up to me. But what if I just… stop running and keep creating? What if my future really is what I make of it?”
What if?
Lou kisses the skin of my cheek above my scruff and below my eye, her lips achingly soft.
For someone who’s never kissed before, she’s way too good at it.
She has a way of gliding her lips across my skin that makes me weak in the knees. Even sitting as I am right now, her breath on my cheek makes my bones feel like jelly.
I could give in so easily to this girl.
I could give in completely.
“So, these are the missing measures, huh?” Lou says finally.
“Some of them, at any rate,” I say, taking her hand from my cheek and kissing each finger.
“What comes next? Are you hoping to talk to Nash when you see him next?”
“Oh, yes,” I say in an exhale. “I just need to figure out what to say.”
“I won’t kiss him, you know. I don’t care if the label pushes me. I don’t care how hard he presses. Even before this, I wasn’t really interested. I tried to convince myself that I was, but between you and me, I was always more intrigued by Duncan,” she says.
I give a short laugh, shaking my head.
“I know that seems like a joke, but it’s not,” Lou says.
She turns away from me, looking out over the now-dark city. Below, the lights from the go-kart track flicker like fireflies, and the distant drone of laughter and music drifts up to us.
The gondola has finally started moving again, but we won’t touch down for a few minutes. She shivers and huddles closer. I pick up her legs and drape them across my lap, then wrap both arms around her, imparting as much warmth as I can.
“You mentioned Nash’s fascination with opposites. It’s funny that the idea came from him when I patterned my entire mystique around Duncan. I kept my hair in front of my face, hid myself in the shadows, made sure my background was a study in contrast. I knew my music was good, but channeling him is what made it possible. I was so afraid of trying to make it as Winona Williams’ daughter that it felt pointless to even try. But then Duncan and Nash came on the scene, and Duncan emboldened me. He was a bigger inspiration than my momma, even.”
She hesitates, then glances back at me. “I know this is cheesy, but I wish I could thank him. Do you—do you ever talk to him?”
My chest tightens. I look down, fingers curling into my jeans.
“No.”
That’s all I can say. Anything more would give away too much of my soul.
I’m already on dangerous ground, already giving Lou my heart.
This is all I have left to hold back.
“Do you miss him?”
I hesitate. The pause stretches between us—maybe too long.
