My hands slam against a push bar, shoving open a door that leads to the loading dock. Cool night air crashes into me like a shock to the system. I grab the metal railing, gripping so tight it feels like I might bend it with sheer force.
I lean against it, forcing myself to breathe. Trying to shut out the pain of seeing Lou with Nash.
It’s fake. It has to be.
And maybe it is. But inevitability presses down, mocking me, whispering that it won’t be fake for long. Nash is a master manipulator. He knows how to draw people in, to make them feel like the sun shines only for them when he’s there. And he can wear anyone down. He always gets what he wants eventually.
Lou’s smarter and stronger than I ever was. I have to believe she won’t fall for his traps.
That doesn’t take the fear away, though.
Footsteps sound from behind me, along with the faint creak of a wheel. I don’t look up. Don’t turn around. But I know who it is before I hear a voice.
“Paddy.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. The name lands somewhere deep in my chest, rumbling with a sympathy I don’t want to hear but desperately need.
“Go back inside, Dad,” I mutter, voice rough. “You too, Sean. Go enjoy the show.”
The familiar creak gets closer until they’re right beside me. I sniff, wipe my wet eyes, and turn around.
“We saw everything,” Sean says. “I’m sorry, Pat. I can’t believe she?—”
“She did it for the label,” I interrupt, unwilling to let him think badly of her, even for a second. “It’s not real. We talked about it. I gave her the go-ahead and everything.”
Dad and Sean both look confused. Even frustrated.
“What? Why?” Sean asks.
“Because the label is pressuring her?—”
“No, why would you do something so stupid?” Dad says, his voice gruff, the cool air swirling around us. Over the railing, the city lights glint off the pavement, and the distant rumble of Nash’s set echoes through the night. The music blasts throughHot Strings Hall like a telltale heart beating beneath the floorboards.
Except this heart ismine.
“Why would you tell her to kiss him? You love her.”
“I know I love her! That’s why I told her to kiss him! Because for once, I had to put someone I love before myself!”
Sean lets out a groan while Dad shakes his head.
“This again?” Sean asks, his eyes incredulous. “Pat, you could have gone back to music. You could have submitted other demos and gotten a record deal if you’d wanted. You chose to stay at the bar forus. You’ve had ten years of choosing everyone but yourself. Give it a rest already. You’re not the same guy you were then.”
Deep in my gut, I know he’s right. Ihavesacrificed. I’ve traded what I wanted for what mattered every day for years.
“That was different,” I say gruffly. “That was penance. This was something else. My whole life, I’ve looked at two roads—the one that serves me and the one that serves other people—and I’ve chosen them every time. But not anymore,” I add. “I got the money from Nash for that first album. I gave him the flash drive in exchange for money. A lot. He offered a million for it, and I took it.”
“It’s worth a lot more than that,” Sean argues.
"I know." The back of my nose stings. "But it’s enough. Enough to fix what’s broken. To make sure Dad gets better. To make sure the O’Shannan boys don’t have to barely scrape by anymore."
Neither of them looks relieved. Neither of themlookslike this was enough. Dad wheels closer and grips my elbow firmly, pulling my attention, holding my gaze until I don’t just look at him—I listen.
“Paddy, why did you do it?” Dad asks softly, pools of emotion in his light brown eyes. “I thought you wanted justice? You deserve to have your name attached to those songs.”
I close my eyes for only a second, going back to that conversation with Nash from only a couple of hours ago.
He tried to lowball me. Half a million for songs he’d built his legacy on.
