The worst part is that I’m doing it all over, willingly, knowing full well the impact it had on my family last time. If I let myself think too long, I can remember the way his voice cracked when he said, “Dad’s hurt. We need you.”
And then there are weeks of me ignoring them. Staying away. Until I found out my mom was leaving. Then, thirty-six hours are missing. Thirty-six hours of me drinking to avoid, ignore, forget. Then my own accident.
I like to think I’ve grown, but have I?
When, once again, I’m asking Sean to sacrifice for weeks and months on end so I can follow a new star on tour?
Lucy Jane.
Lou Williams.
A woman who makes every interaction feel like a staring contest. And this time, I blinked.
She dangled the bait, and I took it. That game of push and pull didn’t end—it just hit pause.
To be continued …
But this isn’t about Lou.
This is about having a chance to convince the biggest name in country to listen to me.
This is about a chance to fix the past.
Sean had a shot at the NHL. One he turned down when Dad had an accident, Mom left, and one of us had to come home.
And it wasn’t me.
Guilt gnaws at my gut.
Am I really going to leave them again? For what? A dream I buried years ago?
My stomach twists.
“Don’t second guess it,” Sean says. “I’m not getting called up to the NHL, Pat. If it ain’t my knees, it’ll be my shoulders like Blackburn or my hips like Rask. Netminders take a beating.”
I open my mouth, but Sean stops me.
“I’m not the only one who sacrificed. You’ve paid your penance. You need to do this. You’ll regret it otherwise.”
“Or you could learn to make peace—” Dad starts, then stops himself and snorts. “Who am I kidding? Go, son.”
I feel like I swallowed a rock. “It’s not about fame. I’m not the same guy. I care about our family. I just want to make things right.”
Sean pats my back, but I don’t move. It’s like the moment hasn’t caught up to me yet. I should feel lighter, but my stomach is tied into knots.
Dad grabs my hand. “I know, son. Send us pictures from the road.”
His voice is steady, but there’s something behind it—something unsaid.
Is he worried about what being on the road did to me last time? Worried I may not actually come back?
He shouldn’t be.
Should he?
Ever since the accident that paralyzed my dad, I’ve tried to block out all emotion—to become a robot, unwilling to hurt or feel.
But Lou’s offer stirred something in me.
