“Your text,” he says, his voice deeper than I’ve ever heard it. “Did you mean it?”
I pull my knees up to my face and hide behind them, my heart beating hard enough to bruise my ribs. “I’m not going to tell you unless you promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“You have to promise to stop holding back. With camp. With me. All of it.”
Sean’s brow draws down. “Why do you think I’m holding back?”
“Because I know you! I can feel how dejected you are every time we talk. I know you’re disappointed that you’re fighting for a spot you turned down years ago. I don’t think you blame your family, but of course you’re filled with what-ifs and maybe even some regrets.”
“I don’t blame them.”
“I know.”
“I blame myself.” His mouth twists. “Want to know what I realized since I’ve been gone? I turned Boston down immediately after Dad’s accident. Before Mom even left. They told me to call them back, and I never did. I’m the one who told Serena over and over again that I’d always be there, waiting. I’ve done this to myself. I’ve made myself everybody’s fallback plan. And once again, I’m reaping what I sowed.”
His words pierce my heart like a knife. “Sean?—”
“I’m so tired of it, Kayla. I’m tired of treating myself like the guy who has to hold the door for everyone else but never goes through it. But I don’t want to stop being the guy who holds thedoor open, either. It’s who I am.” He rubs his beard over his jaw, looking pained. ”I’m not trying to seem bitter or ungrateful. Helping Hall is … rewarding. He’s a sponge. And the kid is gracious, too. Always thanking me. But I don’t want to just be thanked; I want to bechosen. I don’t know how much longer I can handle being overlooked like this.”
“If they don’t see you, they’re idiots. I’ve watched all the videos Hall posts. You’re flawless out there.”
“You’ve watched them?”
“Of course I have! I watch everything you do.”
His head tips back, a shaky breath escaping like he’s caught between wanting to believe me and not trusting himself to. “Why?”
I pause, my throat tightening. “Do you know that I thought about you every day after we met at that wedding?”
“Because I saved you from a bad marriage.”
“No. Because ofyou. Without knowing me, you listened and actually heard me. You laughed with me. You saw me as someone capable and strong enough to advocate for myself. It made me want to become that woman. For me, but also … for you.”
“You didn’t even know me.”
“I knew enough. Tripp vouched for you, so I knew you were a good guy. But the way you listened to me with your whole body—” I place my hand over my heart like I’m cradling something warm and precious. “You cared enough about me when I was a stranger to give me the push I needed to become a better version of myself. Because that’s what you do.”
“What, cast judgments cloaked in bartender therapy?”
“No, funny guy. You elevate people. I wanted to live up to your expectations and reach the potential you already saw in me. You don’t exist to make people better; you make people betterbecauseyou exist.”
Sean’s eyebrows almost tie together. I see his throat dip as he swallows, see his eyes well with emotion. He nods, but he can’t respond. He’s too choked up.
“You know you’re holding back at camp, right?”
He nods again.
“Why?”
He pauses, like he’s searching for the words. “Because if I give it everything, and they still don’t want me, then I’ll know for sure I was never enough. And I’m not sure I can handle that.”
I can’t breathe for a second. The pain and fear of wondering if you’ll ever truly fit, if anyone will ever choose you for who you are … it cuts deep. And it hurts even worse that he knows this pain so intimately. Emotion squeezes the words from my lungs.
“You are enough, and you are wanted. Not just needed.”
A tear spills down his cheek, and he sniffs.
