“And how many more wins did you get because of that practice time?” Granddad snaps. “You could have been huge, and you squandered it!”
“Squandered it? I did everything right! I trained year-round, I followed every rule, I kept my grades up, I stayed sober, I gave up everything else for the game!”
“And yet, when it counted, you got greedy. You crowded the plate, tried to make a statement, and took a fastball to the wrist at the first possible chance. You’re not a victim, Ollie. You’re just like your father—all talk, no follow-through. Darren owned his mistake. You’ve been hiding from yours for years.”
The disbelief I feel conjures a memory—Poppy in the car, disbelieving. Angry. The words exploding out of her mouth after hearing my sob story.
“You literally made it!”
The words hit like a taunt instead of a pep talk. Made it where? Into this train wreck? Into a room where the man who hurt my brother stands next to the granddad I’ll never be enough for?
I glance at the people who’ve filed in—Sloane’s parents, all the groomsmen and most of the bridesmaids. My mom has joined my dad, and both of them look small and embarrassed, like they’re trying to shrink from the stain of me.
And worst of all, Evan is here now, standing next to Darren.
Somehow, Darren freaking Murphy is the one person in the room showing any regret—like he feels sorry forme.
“This is why I kept trying to talk to you about Darren,” Evan says, giving the man an apologetic glance. In fact, everyone’s wearing that same expression, like they’re sorry for him.
Because of me.
My hands are balled tight into fists, shaking with futility. My bow tie is strangling me. I don’t have enough air. My heart doesn’t have enough space to pound in my chest. And this ringing in my ears?—
I open my mouth to say something, anything, but the words die in my throat. All I can do is turn and shove through the archway, past the strings screeching their warm-up, my shoes slamming against the floor. I’m not walking out of a church. I’m bolting from a cage.
Out in the bleak cold, my feet crunch down the stairs and over to the west lot, where I parked Dad’s truck. There’s so much snow in the church’s large lawn, my eyes almost don’t see the baseball—half-buried in white. It probably rolled out of someone’s truck bed, considering everyone here works for Granddad.
The ball sits there on top of the snow like it’s waiting for me. Mocking me.
I wrench open the truck door and slam it enough to startle an old woman in the parking lot. I don’t apologize or wave. I drop my head on the steering wheel.
My breath fogs in front of my face. I should turn on the truck, but I can’t make myself move. I can’t make myself doanything.
“You literally made it,” Poppy told me.
Just thinking about her makes me feel like I’m suffocating, like if I don’t get air soon, I’ll die. I grab my phone, and my thumbs start flying across the screen, opening theBeyond Justiceapp like they know this is where to go when I can’t breathe.
I shouldn’t. I don’t have a future with Grace—not after I turned her down. But she’s still my friend, and right now, I need her.
Poppy isn’t who I thought she was. She helped Darren, just like them. She chose Darren, just like them.
And yet, I’m drowning without her. I can’t go on without her. It’s more than a craving, it’s a physical need.
When I open the app and see the little green circle at the bottom of the screen, oxygen fills my lungs.
GracieLou is typing …
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
POPPY
Irush out of the church and into the east parking lot to my truck. Somewhere, a vehicle door slams with such finality, I feel it to my bones. My truck is freezing, but at least there’s no biting wind in here. The truck starts with a wheezy cough and a shudder like it’s waking from hibernation, but I give it a minute before turning on the heat. Thank heavens my vinyl seats are so cracked, I already had a blanket down?—
I can almost hear Oliver interrupting my thoughts, imagining what he’d say as if the conversation has already happened.
Are you really saying that your cracked seats are somehow a blessing in disguise because you can use the blanket for warmth?
If he were here, I would say yes. I would believe it.
