Squirming in my seat, I try to figure out how to answer. “Yes? I mean, I love presents, and I’m really curious about what you got me. It must be something you already had at the house, right, because you couldn’t leave?” I try to read their expressions, searching for confirmation, but find none. “Well, I couldn’t even do that. I don’t have anything here besides the clothes I arrived in. And it’s not fair.”
My voice hitches on those last words, so I snap my mouth shut and cross my arms over my chest, staring down at my coffee cup. Troy walks over to the table, takes the chair next to mine, and lifts me into his lap. Even though I want to sulk, I can’t resist the warmth of his body, so I melt against him, my eyes prickling with tears.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Carter asks calmly. “Why this is hitting you so hard, I mean. We didn’t expect you to give usanything, and if you’d rather not receive a present today, we can keep it for later. I know it’s Christmas, but it’s also just a random day. We can celebrate another time.”
Sebastian elbows him in the ribs and glares at him, as if to say that he really wants to celebratetoday, but I understand what Carter is saying. I dig through the complicated mess of emotion swirling in my chest, then blow out a long sigh.
“It’s just…” I pause, then click my tongue impatiently. “It’s just that I always wanted to celebrate Christmas with my family, and I thought I’d be better prepared for it.”
Carter leans his elbows on the table, his full attention on me. “You didn’t celebrate Christmas with your grandparents?”
I blink, then glance up at Troy, realizing he must have explained my past to them. For a moment, I worry about the fact that they talked about me, but they’re all still here. Not one of them has decided I was too broken or weird for them to keep me, so I guess whatever Troy said was okay.
“No, we did,” I tell them. “We’d always go to mass and have the turkey dinner and all, but it wasn’t…happy. They put on a show for appearance’s sake, but they didn’t want me to be there.”
“What did you mean about being better prepared?” Sebastian asks.
I chew on my lip, trying to find the right words. “You know in the movies, when they put up the tree and wrap the presents and all? I thought I’d be the one doing that. For my husband and kids. One day. That I’d bake cookies and make them real pretty and put the bows on all the presents.”
It hurts to say this out loud. It sounds like a childish fantasy, an idealized version of the holiday, a Hollywood dream. But I want it so badly, my heart breaks at the thought that I didn’t do it right. I didn’t even think about this last night—I was too consumed by my three new mates.
“Oh, sweetheart.” Troy nuzzles the top of my head, his arms tightening around me. “We had no idea this was so important to you.”
I sniff quietly. “Well, you couldn’t have known.”
“We’ll make next year’s celebration all of that,” Carter promises me. His expression is completely serious, not a hint of teasing in his voice. “But we’ll do ittogether, yeah? It’s not just on you to make this happen. We’re a family now, and we do things together.”
Those words. I’ve been waiting to hear them ever since my mom died. I didn’t know how badly I needed them.
I press my lips together to hold back the tears, but it’s no use. I bury my face in Troy’s chest and cry while he strokes my back and hums nonsense at me. Carter and Sebastian finish their meals and put away their plates, and when I’m finally calm enough to face them again, I blow out a long breath.
For all my life, I’d been told that crying was bad. My mom, who I always ran to whenever I felt sad or hurt, would shush me gently and tell me that big girls don’t cry. My grandparents loathed to see any excess emotion, so I learned quickly not to show it in front of them. My ex-boyfriends were uncomfortable at best, and angry at worst, claiming that I was trying to manipulate them.
But these three guys just let me cry. They don’t freak out over it, tell me to stop, or act as if I’m somehow guilty of making them feel things. Carter and Sebastian simply go about their business, waiting for me to collect myself while Troy holds me and offers me comfort.
Sebastian plucks a pair of tissues from a box on the windowsill and hands them to me, then leans in to kiss my forehead. “Let us know if you’re ready for your present. No pressure, like Carter said. It’ll still be good later.”
I sniff and glance up at Troy. “Will I like it?”
His lips twitch up in a smile. “Yeah, I think you will.”
“Okay.” I squirm off his lap and stand on wobbly feet. “Then I’m ready. And thank you. For, uh, for everything.”
Carter lifts an eyebrow. “You’re thanking us in advance?”
“No.” I fidget with the hem of my sweatshirt, unsure of how to explain. “Just for being as you are. For welcoming me.”
He walks over to me and wraps me in a hug. “Of course, sweetheart.” Then he takes me by the shoulders and turns me in the direction of the Christmas tree. “Now head on over there so Sebastian doesn’t explode from anticipation.”
I glance at the man in question and find him balancing on the balls of his feet, nearly bouncing in excitement. His enthusiasm is infectious, and I hurry over to his side. Under the decorated Christmas tree, several wrapped presents wait for us, and I immediately spy a small box with my name written on the tag.
Succumbing to my impatience, I reach for it, but Sebastian gently swats my hand away and leads me over to the couch.
“Sit,” he commands. “Wait for the full experience.”
I grin but do as he says. “You’re bossy today.”
Troy flops on the couch next to me. “He’s always bossy about Christmas. And birthdays. When’s yours?”
