Jack inhales sharply, and he drops his head into my hair. I know he’s inhaling my scent, and it seems to help him, but maybe this is too much. “I don’t have to talk about it.”
“Please continue. If you want to tell me, then I want to know,” he whispers into my hair.
“The punishments kept getting worse, more painful, more humiliating. But it was a slippery slope, and I was so used to being blamed that I believed him when he said I made him do it, that I forced him to act that way. I tried so hard to make sure everything was perfect, but he always found something wrong that he could chastise me for and the expectations were always changing.”
My eyelids clamp shut and an icy dread seeps into my bones as the memory threatens to engulf me. Jackson squeezes me close, somehow knowing I need to be grounded in the present.
Aidan’s constant shifting of goalposts played havoc with my sense of stability and self-worth. It was like the ground beneath my feet was constantly shifting, leaving me unsteady and off-balance. In a near constant state of anxiety where the stress constantly gnawed at my stomach, twisting it into knots, causing a perpetual feeling of dread.
“I knew I needed to get out the first time he beat me badly—when he broke my ribs and dislocated my shoulder—but I had no idea how. I had no friends, and I barely spoke to my family. I tried to break up with him, but he wouldn’t allow it.” I say with a shudder as my throat tightens with the memories.
“He… He starved me and beat me over and over again. It was bad. Really bad. I was so scared that he was going to kill me. And he always threatened that he would start punishing me in public if I ever tried to leave again.”
I draw in a rattling breath, steadying myself before continuing. The ever-present shame constricting my chest, like a tight knot I can’t unravel.
“So, I stayed. I learned how to keep him happy and that if I did everything he asked, the punishments weren’t so often. But it wasn’t enough. He had never forced me sexually before, but even that was going to change. And when he started talking about our future pups…”
Jackson rubs circles on my back, keeping me grounded and encouraging me to keep talking.
“And something just snapped in me. I knew that I only had one chance, so I took it. I would kill myself before I ever let himtake me back.”
When I finish my story, my eyes are warm with unshed tears and my fists clench tightly. I can’t bring myself to look at Jackson. I’m too afraid of what his reaction will be. He didn’t interrupt my monologue, and I have no idea what he’s thinking.
I know what Aidan would be thinking:Pathetic, weak bitch.
Why did I say all that? I definitely said too much.
The silence stretches to an uncomfortable level and fear creeps up my spine. He probably doesn’t want to train me anymore. What’s the point of trying to help me when I’ve spent so long not helping myself? I slowly sit back to extricate myself from his hold when Jackson’s arms slide to my waist. Next, he raises one hand to my jaw and tilts my face upwards to force eye contact.
“I would kill him before I let him take you back. I would kill anyone who would try to hurt you like that. You did what you had to do to survive, but you’re not alone anymore, I promise.”
He isn’t looking at me softly anymore. The way he looks at me—it’s not pity. It’s fire. Respect. Protection. Something else I can’t name yet. Like he somehow understands. And before I know it, I’ve moved even closer, straddling his lap. My hands are on his face again, his fingers digging gently into my hips. Everything about him is solid and steady.
I swallow the lump in my throat and heat travels to my core. We sit there staring at each other as the tension builds. My breath quickens, and a flush spreads over me. He tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear before bringing his hand to my jaw. His thumb brushes over my bottom lip. But as he leans in closer, I panic.
I shoot back to a standing position and wrap my arms around myself. His gaze softens again. “How about I walk you back to your room?” His voice is gentle and completely unexpected.
“You’re going to walk me back? You’re not mad?” I whisper.
Stupid fucking cock tease. Can’t even spread your legs right.Aidan’s voice in my head has me trembling, remembering how completely useless I am. He never forced me physically, but he made sure I knew that there would be consequences for saying no.
“Mad?” His brow furrows. “Of course I’m not mad. You don’t owe me anything, especially not that. Not if you don’t want it.”
Jackson’s voice is soft and calm. So different. Like now, he finally understands that I can’t help how messed up I am or how my mood flips. I stare at him, taking him in. His sandy brown hair is a mess. His brown eyes hold so many things, his fiery determination asmuch as his kindness and understanding. His muscular form doesn’t evoke fear in me, but something completely different.
“And what if I do want it?” I ask, unable to stop myself. Because the wetness building in my underwear, the way my nipples have hardened, and the shallow quality of my breathing makes it clear. I want him in a way I thought I wouldn’t ever want anyone again.
“Fuck, Emily,” he groans. “Don't say things like that. I would never want to pressure you, it’s your choice, and you don't have to go there ever if you don't want to. But I need you to know that you consume my every fucking waking moment. Actually you're in all my dreams too. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you. And it’s not just about sex and how sweet you smell when you’re dripping wet for me. I want more. I want everything. But only when you’re ready to give it.”
I stare into his eyes, blinking rapidly. Did he really say that to me? What if I could be with someone else? Someone who wouldn’t hurt me or force me. Someone who wants to make me feel good, feel safe, and find pleasure.
Someone like Jackson. No, not someone like him. Only him.
“Maybe I am ready. Maybe I want everything too.”
“‘Maybe’ won’t cut it. You need to be sure,” he says while standing up and stepping close to my body. “And when you’re ready for me, I’ll be ready to show you exactly how a real male treats his female.”
Chapter 19
