Iwantedto love her right.
I just didn’t know how yet.
I pulled my phone from my pocket before I could stop myself.
No signal.
Not that I needed one.
I wasn’t calling for help. I was sitting in the middle of my own making.
I should’ve told her.
Not just that I wasn’t married, but that I was still carrying ghosts. That I had unfinished business with who I used to be.That I didn’t want her to be another casualty of my emotional cowardice.
But I didn’t.
I just walked away.
Because some part of me thought I was protecting her.
And maybe some part of me knew I wasn’t brave enough to stay.
I scrubbed my hands over my face and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling.
If this were a book, the kind she probably dog-eared and lent out with dramatic sighs and post-it notes, this would be the chapter where the guy made a choice. Where he pulled his head out of his ass, ran back to her, and said something wild and honest and perfect at the exact right moment.
But this wasn’t fiction.
This was my screw-up.
And she was probably in the pantry right now, completely angry, embarrassed, and piecing together all the ways I’d let her down.
I stood slowly and walked back toward my room, each step heavier than the last. My reflection in the hallway mirror stopped me.
I looked like someone else.
Tired.
Unmoored.
Haunted by the what-ifs.
But my heart?
It still beat like it knew her name.
I didn’t know if I deserved another chance, but I knew I wanted one.
And this time, I wouldn’t leave the question unanswered.
Even if it meant standing in front of her, shame-faced and broken open.
Because the only thing worse than her asking me if I was married was her walking away thinking I didn’t care.
I didn't bother sitting when I got back to the room. The bed looked too soft, too willing to catch me if I let myself collapse. But if I did, I wasn't sure I'd be able to get back up again.
Instead, I stood in the middle of the floor, my hands curled into fists at my sides like the tension needed somewhere to go, like I could clench hard enough to keep myself from falling apart.
