I hated that smile.
I never wanted her to feel like she had to fake anything with me.
Her grandmother’s forgetfulness had gnawed at me more than I cared to admit.I had seen enough in my life, but this—this was a different kind of pain.It dug deep into places I thought were long buried.
I closed the door behind me; the click echoing in the small space.The room felt colder than before, as if the warmth from being near Claire had been sucked out.I slumped onto the edge of the bed, running a hand through my hair.For a moment, I just sat there, staring at nothing, feeling more than I expected.
My chest ached with a dull throb.I'd faced enemies, conquered fears, but Claire's grandmother’s fragile state was an enemy I couldn’t fight.The way her eyes clouded over, how she struggled to remember names—it left me feeling powerless.
I was a doer.And right now, I couldn't do a damn thing.
The thought twisted in my gut like a knife.In the SAS, there was always a mission, always something to fix or someone to save.Here, there were no clear enemies, no battle plan to follow.Just an old woman losing pieces of herself and a granddaughter trying to hold it all together.
I wanted to help them.God knew I did.But what could I do?Fixing broken Christmas lights was one thing; fixing this was another beast entirely.
My gaze fell on the worn duffel bag by the foot of the bed.It held all my worldly possessions now.Among them was a small photo album.I hadn’t opened it in years.
I reached for it but stopped short.No point in dwelling on what was lost when there were battles still to be fought—even if they weren’t mine to fight.
Instead, I lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.It felt like an abyss threatening to swallow me whole.For now, all I could do was exist in this limbo of helplessness and hope that tomorrow brought some clarity or purpose.
The room remained silent except for my steady breathing, each exhale feeling heavier than the last.
I stood up and glanced out the window.The night stretched out, a black canvas dotted with faint stars.The cold glass felt like ice against my fingertips.From here, I could see the town's tree, an enormous fir that dominated the small square.
Its dark outline loomed large, waiting for the ceremony that would bring it to life.Lights dangled from its branches, half-hidden in shadow, waiting to burst into color and warmth.
An idea sparked in my mind.I didn’t bother to think it through; instinct took over.
I turned away from the window, grabbed my coat, and headed for the door.My boots echoed softly in the hallway as I made my way to the lobby.
The inn’s lobby was quiet, the fireplace casting a soft glow across the room.Claire stood behind the counter, flipping through a ledger with a furrowed brow.
I cleared my throat, unsure how to begin.“Do you have access to the roof?”
“The roof?”Claire looked up from her ledger, eyebrows raised in surprise.
I nodded, feeling my pulse quicken.My heart hammered in my chest, a wild rhythm I couldn’t control.This wasn’t a battlefield; there were no enemies here, yet I felt a strange kind of anxiety.
“Yeah,” she said slowly, still studying me with curiosity.
“Can you… Can I go to the roof?”My voice almost cracked, betraying the nerves I tried to keep hidden.
“You smoke?”Claire asked, tilting her head slightly.“I think I have a key?—”
“I want you to come with me.”The words tumbled out before I could second-guess them.It was the most awkward conversation I'd ever had in my life.
She blinked, clearly taken aback.For a moment, she didn’t move, then she closed the ledger and nodded.
“Okay,” she said softly.“Let me grab the key.”
I watched as she disappeared into the back room, my mind racing.Why was this so difficult?I’d faced down worse odds without flinching.But this—this was different.There were no clear rules or objectives here, just raw emotion and uncertainty.
Claire returned with a small brass key and motioned for me to follow her.We moved through the inn quietly, our footsteps muffled by thick carpet and holiday decorations that seemed too cheerful for the moment.
We reached a narrow stairwell at the end of a hallway.She unlocked the door, and we began to climb.The steps were steep and creaky, but we soon emerged onto the flat expanse of the roof.
The cold night air hit me like a splash of water, clearing my head somewhat.The town below was peaceful, twinkling lights casting a warm glow over everything.It felt like another world up here—one where we could breathe without constraints.
