“Derrick—” My throat closed. The pain in his voice stabbed me harder than Helen’s knife ever could.
“When I found out you’d hid your association with Argus, I had to let you go. I couldn’t trust you. How could I protect you when you were lying to me? It was too hard.”
“I never would have betrayed you or the case for him. Not ever.”
“I know that. It was wrong of me to suggest you would. The things I said to you, accused you of, I hate myself for it. I was angry. I felt helpless, and I’m not supposed to be. The people in this kingdom look to me to know what to do. The rules, the routine, the structure—it’s the only way I know how to maintain control, and you obliterate each one, over and over.” He sighed and scrubbed a hand ruthlessly through his hair. “This isn’t the time. I don’t want to upset you. You need to rest.” He pushed out of his chair and headed for the door.
My mouth dropped open.Wait, seriously?He was going to leave after saying all that? His hand was on the doorknob. He really was! Heart in my throat, I sprang from the bed, feet tangling in the blanket so I almost nose-dived into the floor. Thankfully, I caught my balance, a feat I’d taken for granted until a short while ago.
“Wait! Derrick Chambers, don’t you dare turn your back on a dying girl.”
His head dropped forward. “Tessa, you’re not dying. It’s a flesh wound.”
“You don’t know that for sure.”
“Actually, I do. I bandaged it myself.”
This was not going as I’d hoped. “Humor me then! I did faint. That has to count for something.”
“All right.” He backed away from the door, lips twitching in the barest twist of a smile. “What do you want to say?”
I exhaled and wiped my sweaty palms against my shirt. His eyes followed the action, lingering for a beat at the hemline, which stopped mid-thigh. There was definitely a draft in here. I’d completely forgotten about my lack of attire, and my skin flushed as I fiddled with the bottom of the shirt.
“Tessa, you’re fiddling again. Nervous?”
“No, I—hey, stop noticing that.” I clenched my fingers into fists. Everything I wanted to say clogged in my throat. So many things. Apologies, demands, explanations—they all sounded inferior in my head. I wasn’t good at this! Asking people to stay, hoping they’d look past all my faults, it was madness.
But I needed to try.
“Um…don’t go.” There. It was a start. I had this. “You asked me earlier why I changed my mind about finishing the case alone, and it’s because I want to finish it with you. I shouldn’t have lied to you about Argus and my debt. You deserved the truth. I got scared. I’m used to disappointment, but I couldn’t handle disappointing you.”
“You wouldn’t have disappointed me. Tessa—”
I held up a trembling finger. “It’s rude to interrupt a dying girl. I’m not finished.”
There was that half-smile again. He nodded, and I took a moment to pace. My heart beat so fast, I figured it was only a matter of time before it decided it had had enough and gave out. Then, I’d really be at death’s door.
I shook out my hands and faced him. “Okay, you want honesty? Here’s the truth: I’m a mess. My magic is mediocre at best, I’m broke, and I ruined everything between us with my lies. The thing is, I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and be perfect. I’m going to make mistakes, probably lots of them. Pumpkins will explode. I might even cause another plague.” I let out a shuddering breath. “But I love you. And if you’ll stay with me, I want to be imperfect with you.”
The silence was unbearable. Derrick stared. I couldn’t tell if he was going to laugh or put a man-sized hole in the door trying to escape. He might do both.
Sick with fear, I broke the silence. “All right…I’m finished dying now. You can say something.”
“Are you sure you’re not going to relapse?” He moved closer.
“I don’t think so.”
“Good.” A few feet separated us. Then, nothing at all as his hands framed my face. “I wasn’t leaving. Vivian mixed some powder to help you sleep, and I left it in the other room. I was going to get it.”
“Oh.”Wonderful. First, I faint, and then, I make a blubbering fool of myself.“You know, I would have changed my speech a bit if I’d know that. Probably focused more on my many qualities.”
His fingers smoothed my cheekbones. “I’m glad you didn’t. It was honest.”
My breath caught. “Well, that’s me—or, at least, the new me. Honest to a fault.”
He bent his head, lips claiming mine in a devastating kiss. Relief swamped me and made tears gather under my eyelids. Honesty was my new policy from here on out. The reward was too good. Lies? No way, not me.
“Is that a yes?” I asked, coming up for air. A tiny tremor shook my voice. “You’re okay with me, knowing the truth?”
