I laughed at his question. “Against my charge nurse? No. That would be way too many waves.”
“So what happened? Did he just back off?”
“Not exactly. A co-worker of mine stood in front of me and told him to walk, or he’d be arrested.”
“That’s a lot, Audra.”
“Don’t I know it,” I shrugged, trying to have my voice come across as more weightless than I felt.
“No wonder you were feeling that way when you came in this morning. Shit, that is not a good morning. Or night. I’m not sure how you overnight nurses define time with those shifts. Are you going to go back?”
“Like to my job?” I looked at him quizzically. “Like, go back to my place of employment, who pays me money to support myself? Yeah, I kind of have to. I don’t have a Plan B,” I laughed.I wish I could just not go back, a voice in my head whispered.
“Yeah, sorry, that was a weird thing to say.” He said sheepishly.
We resumed walking, and I ended up getting Donovan to take his shoes off with me and walk in the sand. Something about the cool sand and the texture of it under my feet felt better than it normally did. Grounding perhaps. It was also comical to watch this man in his ridiculously expensive custom suit and shoes that probably cost more than what I make in a week, getting messy. He didn’t hesitate to do it, though, so kudos to him for that. We walked farther than I expected we would, him holding the line in the sand and me creeping into the lapping water and back.
“I have been single-minded that nursing was it for me after the accident because those nurses saved not only my life, they saved me, if that makes sense.” I offered, breaking the comfortable silence we had fallen into again. “And now, I’ve only been doing it for almost four years, and I’m wondering if I made a mistake. I mean, I know I’m good at it. But it’s such a heavy emotional toll, and I’m struggling to leave it at work, you know?”
“Honestly, no, I can’t imagine what that kind of constant emotional investment is like, Audra. After watching you at the bar and on the street, it’s crystal clear how extraordinary you are at your job, but if you’re struggling with the other piece, maybe it’s time you let yourself explore other options too. But what do I know? I could be way off base here.”
I nodded my head. It’s like Donovan crawled up into my head and verbalized what I had been too scared to say out loud. But that was so much easier said than done. There was no backup plan.
“Yeah, I don’t know. Up until this walk, today has sucked. But trying to figure out my life’s currentexistential crisis isn’t helping me lean into the calm right now,” I laughed. “So let’s pivot here. Tell me about the resort. What things do you have planned, Mr. Roast Marshmallows Over Lava? I bet they’re going to be great.” At that, I let myself become engrossed in all the brilliant ideas Donovan had in the pipeline for Quest, and it ended up being a perfect distraction.
26
DONOVAN
Iwoke up the next day thinking about Audra and the pain on her face when she walked into our office. She couldn’t even breathe as the sobs racked her shaking body, and I didn’t hesitate for a single second to pull her into me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice how perfectly she fit right against me, like two puzzle pieces clicking into place. She smelled like a hospital, but she also smelled like her. It was some lotion, but I couldn’t quite peg the scent. Positively divine is what it was. Sweet, but not like candy. Or maybe that’s exactly what it was; some kind of cotton candy lotion. The thought made me smile.
I knew she had to walk off some of the crash she was experiencing. After my boxing jaunt, I knew what it felt like to have that kind of adrenaline coursing through your veins.
What fuckstick at the hospital didn’t allow her to change patients if she was being treated so poorly? Who could I complain to about that? I could see the headline:Donovan Wright, millionaire developer, charges into hospital demanding answers about his nurse friend.I laughed atthe absurdity. Not that I was having gossip articles written about me down here, but all the things written about me in New York still haunted me, and I knew a headline like that wouldn’t be too far off. God, I hated that shit. The only woman I’d ever dated seriously was going behind my back to the press, letting the paparazzi vultures know my next location and tidbits about me they wouldn’t have gotten elsewhere. It took about three months to figure out where the leak was, and when I did, it cut me deep. It just felt like another reason not to trust people.
I had so much on my to-do list, but McKenna’s celebration dinner and Audra were dominating my thoughts. Thinking about the dinner, that I’m sure would be a disaster, was a waste of time … there was nothing I could do about that. But there was something productive Icoulddo—check in with Audra. Asking Maeve how she was doing would be trouble because she wouldn’t let go that I asked about it, and then she’d spin it into something. Especially after the sweatshirt thing. Although I’m not quite sure I was actually hiding anything. Regardless, I didn’t have Audra’s number. I had an advanced freaking degree, several phenomenally successful businesses, and people came to me to make multi-million dollar decisions on the spot, yet there I was like a middle school boy scheming about how to talk to a girl. Jesus Christ.
I settled on, “Maeve, how is Cora holding up?”
“Shit. She’s shit. My brother is shit. Everything’s shit. I could seriously kill him, Donovan.”
“Have you and Audra been spending time with her?”
“I’ve been over there every night, but Audra said something about a bad day at work and didn’t come by last night.”
“Is everything ok with her?”I pried
“When have you ever cared about my friends, Wright? Did she borrow your sweatshirt again?” Maeve snickered.
“Well, seeing as I am part of the dart league fan club and poker night, I was under the impression they’d be my friends, too.” Audra’s words the night I drove her home from darts stuck out in my head. I appreciated that people were receptive to me, and though I didn’t think I was a bad addition to their clique, it was validating to hear her speak to it.
At that, she softened. I knew she was stressed, too. She was heartbroken for Cora, and I’d imagine a mix of sadness and anger that her brother was leaving. Given the dark circles under her eyes, I’d bet she hadn’t been sleeping either. There’s no way Tucker was going to propose during that mess. I sympathized with him, too. The timing of all this was fucked.
“You’re right. You did fit right in, Donovan. In the most respectful way possible, you sure as shit surprised me.”
“Glad to hear you think so. And you weren’t even that out of control, Maeve.” I laughed. “I’m going to run out for lunch; need anything?”
“Nah, I’m good, but thanks.”
